What’s the first rule of friendship? Never put a man before your friends. Boyfriends will come and go, true girlfriends will last forever. Girls before guys right? I remember my mother telling me as a young girl to never let a boy come in between a friendship. Making a pact all those years ago that sisterhood is where it’s at and telling your best girl that no matter what happens a boy would never come between the two of you. You’ve been friends for 10 years and you know that you two will always be there for each other. Boys come and go you tell each other but this friendship will stand the test of time against any man.
Enter Chris. Chris is a young hot tradesman. He’s tall, handsome, smart-ish and apparently funny. He dresses impeccably (if you like head to toe Armani with little imagination attached to it) and says all the right things at social gatherings when we are all out. Chris has been dating my friend Sarah for a fair few months now and they are inseparable. They go to dinners together, the cinema, everything normal a couple do together. Shes besotted with him, and so should I be seemingly. So why do I dislike the man so much?
It’s all Chris this and Chris loves going to the gym at every opportunity. Maybe Chris should stop taking so many steroids before he bursts out of that t-shirt anymore, it’s like he is auditioning for the Incredible Hulk remake. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Ok so he’s got a few guns on him and the ladies like the way he looks, but does he have to mention how many times my weight he can bench press every time we see him?
Sarah is such a bright, confident and independent woman who loves to be the centre of attention, except when Chris is around. It’s like she hangs off of his every bicep (or should I say two headed muscle). She has even taking up going to gym sessions with him. After she once quoted “only run when being chased” was her motto in life, she is now working out to a 10-step programme. Somehow every opinion she’s ever had is suddenly moulded into that new found (brain) of his.
Her once over-opinionated tongue, which once didn’t even let a guy look at her in the wrong way before she gave him a lashing, is suddenly now firmly wrapped around his (ahem) nether regions. She now has no opinions of her own; just a carbon copy of what regurgitates out of Vin Diesel’s forearms. My nearest and dearest buddy has been swept away by Chris.
What upsets me the most is that they have only been dating a few months and they are already arguing like they are a couple of old drunks. I try to tell her that she should not be arguing so soon into the relationship, but of course she dismisses me with “well we don’t argue that much” and “his ex-girlfriend was a total crack pot and he’s just scared to get hurt again”. Personally I don’t think that rehearsing your nodding dog impression is being true to yourself.
OK, so there’s nothing I can do because she’s my best friend and she is in lust for now! Even if it is with a total haemorrhoid. Of course when she asks me I tell her that I think he is wonderful, and then discuss with the girls what we really think and put bets on how long it will last. This may come across as jealousy and it really isn’t (OK maybe a teeny tiny bit).
My best girl suddenly doesn’t have time for me and would rather spend her days with meathead mayhem. Gone are the wine and X Factor evenings, and the girlie nights out drinking cocktails and singing to Kings of Leon. They have been replaced with nights in discussing dumbbells and protein shakes. It happens to everyone at some point I guess, I just wish it wasn’t with him…
Gym session anyone?
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