A positive relationship can be an enhancing source of optimism, appreciation and love, however once the honeymoon period subsides and the testing period comes into play, it can also be a breeding ground for contempt, anger, depression, anxiety and unhappiness. Whilst every relationship is unique, most people would agree that it is difficult to pinpoint the defining moment when the initial period of excitement, laughter and spontaneity is replaced with a battle ground of clashing personalities, repetitive mistakes, constant criticism and confusion as to where the mutual feelings that you once shared has gone.
“A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay it will keep hurting. If you walk away you will hurt, but eventually you will heal” – Autumn Kohler
Giving Love a Bad Name!
Take a second to focus on your circle of friends. In most cases, there is guaranteed to be at least one individual who is trapped in, what the outside world may consider to be, a poisonous relationship. They may not be the victim of physical or mental violence; their partner may not be cheating; but their general lack of zest, transformation of character, or cynical approach to other aspects of life, is a perfect indicator of when an individual’s relationship may have hit a rocky patch. Whereas we may be aware of its symptoms, (such as a lack of appetite and concentration), most people still underestimate the power of love. Placed in the wrong hands, it has the capacity to isolate and change the person you are, capability to make you act out of character and potency to leave you powerless.
Titanic Vs Unfaithful?
People are often told not to take the advice of friends or loved ones, but by default they look toward the media to find the answer to most questions, despite the fact that implied messages can emanate from two very extreme ends of the spectrum. Packing a punch in the red corner, there are valiant heroes that risk their lives to save or protect the ones they love. In effect, secretly selling the concept of love in a gift box, but failing to address the contents. Conversely, (disguised with mystery, but armed with strategy), in the blue corner, we have the ruthless villains who indulge in debauchery, abuse and even murder, to balance the comfort of home life, with the double life they crave. Very few films actually address the medium in between and for this reason, there are those who cling on to the notion that most people in relationships go through a bad patch. Once there, whether you chose to carry on Rolling in the Deep as sung by Adele, or are pushed to leave, like Angela Bassett in the film, What’s Love Got To Do With It, it is vital you consider your relationship on its own merits.
Stupid in Love?
As vocally epitomized by artists such as Beyoncé, Bon Jovi, Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars and so many others, a toxic relationship can lead to a loss of self, antagonistic mental games, loneliness and complete despondency. Therefore, when you come to the point where arguments over petty things are commonplace, sex is non-existent and the time you spend together is deliberately kept to a minimum; why do you stay? Staying in a bad situation out of pity, or for others will only make you resentful and remaining static out of fear will only leave you regretful in later years. The fear of being newly single may petrify you, but so should the fear of being paralysed in a miserable environment for the next fifty years!
The Car Test
Think of your relationship as a mechanically propelled vehicle. It needs fuel as power, but in absence of all the components working in unison, it will probably fail the yearly MOT. What is your fuel? If your answer is drama, arguments, telephone confrontations, or hurtful remarks to gain a reaction, you may have to check under the bonnet and refer to the manufacturer’s manual!
The ‘Story of Us’ Test
We all know that relationships change over time, but are you still compatible? Can you think back to the times you used to smile and re-enact them today to get a similar response? How does your partner make you feel?
Think back to the first time you received flowers and the emotional charge you got whilst deciding the perfect place for them. After time, they lost their aesthetic appeal when they started to wilt. Did you invest in a flower presser to preserve them, or simply throw them in the bin?
“Problems in a relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person” – Wayne Dyer
The Wellbeing Test
If you were an outsider looking in, would you be your worst enemy? Balance the time you spend moaning and crying to your friends, with the uplifting conversations and nights out that you enjoy together, do they add up?
They say hindsight is a beautiful thing, but learning to listen to your intuition is an even greater gift. After you have exhausted every option, only you will know the answer.
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