Dating in the Workplace

What makes us want to date people in the workplace?  With the office being the forefront of most workplace shenanigans.  With nothing but computers, photocopiers and paperwork to focus on from 9-5, is it any wonder we suddenly have a look around elsewhere.  Steve from accounts has always been a bit dull, but after being transferred to that department a different side suddenly opens up.  Hardly an opening for 50 Shades of Grey, more like 50 Shades of Grey hair.  What attracts us suddenly to Steve in Accounts or Darren in Marketing?  Gradually his stories about finance begin to grow on you and you realise that his ever so slightly receding hairline is actually kinda cute.  Not only that but it’s partly down to laziness too.  You don’t even need to try and flirt that hard because you already know him.  You spend 8 hours a day with him already, know that he has a cat called Thomas and likes to watch re runs of CSI Miami.  You spend all day chatting and in between the real work and spread sheets, you find out that you like going to the same bars and know someone that he went to school with.  It’s like a first date but over the course of 3 months.

Slowly but surely you’re putting a bit more make up on in the morning and wearing a higher heel that would succumb to a health and safety briefing.  Going to work is that little bit more interesting because you’ve got yourself a crush.  God Steve from accounts is suddenly your crush!  Little looks are being thrown to each other in the weekly team brief and you make sure you get the teas in the same time as him.  Hovering over the water fountain like a gazelle in mating season, all lengthy and full of eyelashes.  Lingering looks turn into lunches together and staying late to catch up on assignments.  Flirting turns into brushing past each other at the photocopier.  By this point you have already had each other numbers for some time (work related reason of course) and little text messages pop up now and then.  ‘You look cute in that skirt today xx’.  It’s exciting and exhilarating knowing that you have a little play mate at work,  makes the day go quicker.  Before you know it you are texting each other to go and get stationary supplies (yes it is that cliché in the office).  Pretending to get staples and highlighters but just having a feel up of each other in the 5 minutes you have before your crazy menopausal boss realises you’ve gone.  Of course you return empty handed.

This is the lazy girls way to dating my friend.

This is all very well and good until you become the brunt of Melissa’s idle gossip at the fountain.  A few strange looks from girls you hardly know.  You overhear yours and Steve’s name in the canteen and realise that possibly your little secret is out.  Worried that your boss may find out, you tell Steve that people are inadvertently writing this about you on Facebook, and that you don’t want to be perceived as the office bike.

Eventually after weeks of flirting and dodgy looks at the watering hole, you all go out on a Friday night after work.  11 vodkas and 2 Sambuca’s later it’s just the two of you, drunk, snogging in the back of the taxi and telling each other how awkward this is going to be on Monday.

Its sure is, as Monday rolls around you both walk in sheepishly to the office, your back in your flat shoes and eased up on the lip gloss.  Your team mates are asking ‘What happened to you two after we left?’  As you dart looks at each other and conduct a faux story of leaving just after everybody else, separately.  Of course nobody believes you and the next few weeks you are subjected to groups of girls whispering about you, like you’re in year 9 again.  Your shade of grey rendezvous is over and now Steve is ignoring you.

The moral of the story is don’t eat where you sleep, it will end in tears.  Mostly yours and not his.

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