Tag Archives: men

“Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but they are always perfect for you”

Most of us are aware of the age old tale of Aladdin, his trusted genie and the endless possibilities provided with the granting of three wishes. Some will even be familiar with the extremely popular adult version, which uses this wish theory to explain the ‘Law of Attraction’ principle in the book called ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. However, whilst wishing may be pleasurable, the underlying lesson of repercussions, consequences and potential devastating ramifications, seem to have been disregarded.

In the first part of this article, we looked at the danger of positive traits having a similar effect to the overconsumption of too much chocolate and effectively, turning your Mr perfect into Mr Hyde. In the second part, we will continue to look at the intrinsic qualities from our non-exhaustive wish lists, which can cause irreparable damage in our relationships if not approached with caution.

Shaken and stirred with Mr Bond!

Daniel Craig as James Bond

It is an undeniable fact that chemistry requires a few elements to create sparks, the most poignant being that of visual attraction. From an early age, we subconsciously create internal visions as to what our potential future partner should look like. Whether it is the exquisitely strong, yet rugged look of men such as Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman, or the fine features of ‘pretty boys’ such as Shemar Moore and Tom Cruise, we know what we find attractive. His piercing eyes, sexy tattooed sleeves or bulging muscles may be what initially attracts you.

But beware:

With the promise of a visual paradise, come the warnings of placing a colossal amount of emphasis on the looks of your potential beau.  You may be content with the knowledge that you have that complete package draped on your arm, who makes your friends drool and the waitress weak at the knees, but those looks may be accompanied with unwanted baggage. They say that there is someone for everyone; however, whilst beauty may ensure attractive babies, it can also increase superfluous female attention. If you are confident, you will overcome niggling self destructive insecurities, but you may also have to battle with the worry that he will not succumb to all that female adoration.  Remember, that in any relationship, it is important that both parties feel lucky with their choice of partner. Looks should only be part of that complete package, as there is no accounting for the man who continuously boasts about his fitness regime, or is unable to hold a conversation.

Coping with ‘The Joker’ in the real world!

Ricky Gervais joking around

If you ask most women what attributes they look for in a man, the majority will emphasise the need for a potential partner to have an amazing sense of humour. With the increasing popularity of men such as Ricky Gervais, Kevin Hart and Russell Brand, the need to have someone that makes you smile is palpable. As well as possessing that ability to elevate the mood after a bad day at work, a good sense of humour seems to be the one attribute that can momentarily conceal any emotional baggage, financial problems, or an extremely bad hair day!

But beware:

What started off as playful amusement can potentially reduce you to tears, if he is unable to switch off the laughter tap and take things seriously. Most people appreciate jovial banter, but very few are as responsive when they are not taken seriously, or targeted as the subject matter of these jokes. Whilst there is nothing wrong with the good-humoured person who is able to see the glass half full, or alleviate the stress out of a bad situation, it is important to know when to stop. If he lacks the maturity to know that point, maybe it is best to leave him to socialise with the King or Ace in that pack of cards!

The Condescending Intellectual

Viggo Mortensen as Sigmund Freud

Whilst most people would find a date with admirable intellects such as J.R Tolkien, Sigmund Freud or Richard Dawkins a terrifying prospect, there are those of us who find a high IQ and intelligence exceptionally attractive. His eloquent use of words, enthralment with books and theories may fascinate you and that healthy obsession with debates and discussions may have you hooked.

But beware:                                     

You should never feel intimidated by anyone you allow to enter into your personal space. Just as the ‘visually fit’ man, (who appears totally oblivious to that fact), is more appealing, the intelligent man who does not brag, appear condescending, or subjectively place himself on a pedestal, can be quite a catch. Sadly, there are those who allow certain attributes to negatively overwhelm others and whilst intelligence is attractive, if patronisingly used to make others feel bad or inept, it can also be quite embarrassing. Save yourself the blushes, looks of disapproval and self-doubt by staying away from the man whose ego grows with every book he reads.

The Flying Bachelor

Jake Pavelka from The Bachelor USA

On paper he is the ideal man; charismatic, ambitious and material secure, with very little external baggage or responsibilities. Very closely linked with the High flyer, he gushes with pride when he talks about his job, travels the world and invests in the latest gadgets. His dreams of a five bedroom mansion, exotic vacations and the possibility of him earning money whilst he sleeps leaves you intrigued.

But beware:

Whilst he may have immense future plans, they may not necessarily include you. He may be one of those individuals who enjoys the freedom of bachelor life, where work can be a priority, he is able to make last minute plans and answers to no one, (apart from his paying boss). If after a certain period of time, he fails to extend invitations from friends, make space in his wardrobe, or can go for days without making contact, he is not ready to make any further commitment. He may be sincere with his feelings, but you should not allow him to have his cake and eat it, if it is all without action. His words may offer a blanket of security, but if his behaviour mirrors that of a single man, it may be time to let him spread his wings until he is ready to touch down on the runway.

Emergence of the Green Eyed Monster

Othello – a classic tale of jealousy

He calls you continuously, showers you with romantic text messages and overwhelms you with his passionate gestures. Continuously talking about you to friends and family, he makes it patently clear to the outside world that you are marriage material and he is captivated. For us females, there is nothing more flattering than being showered with compliments by someone who take a protective stance around male counterparts and makes you feel like you are the only woman in the world.

But beware:                                 

This is one of the most dangerous traits, if boundaries are crossed. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, as no-one wants to share emotional attachments or intimate bonds with outside parties. At its mildest, it is a reflection of your partners’ devotion to you; but at its worst, it can place you within the startling statistics of women who endure mental and physical torture at the hands of their ‘supposed love one.’ When he starts to check your phone, demand your whereabouts, or initiates the process of isolating you from your friends and loved ones, it can lead to a slippery slope of self loathing, domestic abuse and loneliness. If you start feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, walk away before it becomes a re-enactment of the film ‘Battle Royale,’ where parties have to fight until only one is left standing!

Shared with the right individual, love can unearth amazing qualities, evolve you as a person and fine tune your outlook on life. However, it is easy to lose sight of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, as they might later become the very things that irritate and frustrate you.  We may all have a secret idealistic checklist of the characteristics that we would like in a partner, but it is more important to select the individual who shares your core values, champions your beliefs and connects with you on a spiritual level. Warning signals should not only be apparent on reflection. If he has the appearance of a superhero, discard that comic and leave that fairytale land to Disney!

Images reproduced from tailgate365.com, birdsontheblog.co.uk, moviedex.com, articles.nydailynews.com and Wikipedia Commons

Colin Firth as Darcy in BBC’s Pride & Prejudice

Most are familiar with the concept that like attracts like and many of us are convinced that the reason why we continue to attract similar people into our lives is because they are a reflection of who we really are. For most singletons the quest to find that perfect partner becomes complicated, when their perfectly compiled wish list, is tarred by the failure to recognize the warning signals, ghastly experiences and recurring mistakes. Our lists may adapt with age and experience, but our girlie conversations consistently centre on the dreams, hopes and expectations of the next potential suitor. Some of us remain specific (refusing to lower our standards), whilst others will be more vague yet obstinate that they base compatibility on that captivating smile, exhilarating personality, or that breathtaking spark.

Distinguishing Dr Jekyll from Mr Hyde!

Similar to the recipe for a gingerbread man, we all have a list of qualities that we each believe makes up the dream man. Alongside the numerous films and Mr Darcy type characters which dominate the romantic literature we read, there are the sultry tones of artists, such as Beyoncé, who intensify these expectations with songs such as “Dangerously in Love” and “Halo”. However, whilst dreams can motivate, inspire and encourage, they can also perilously blind the strong independent woman and create an artificial sense of reality.

Dr Banner transforms into The Hulk

In this first of a two part article, we will explore some of the endearing and persuasive characteristics and attributes, which if erroneously placed in extreme hands can change your perfect Dr Banner into his alter ego, The Hulk!

The High Flyer that can never find a place to land

One can tell he is going places with that impeccable culmination of suave suits, inimitable poise and abundant possessions. Draped in designer wear he orders everything on tab, snares one with his riveting conversations about his future business ventures and instantaneously commands respect from his colleagues and peers. With an outer exterior that exudes intelligence, confidence and ambition, he is perfect to introduce to the family and possesses the status and personality to make him a hit with your friends.

Daniel Craig as James Bond

But Beware:

It is easy to overlook the sacrifices and the time consumption that go hand in hand with high positions of responsibility. The initial buzz you experience may soon be replaced by emails, phone calls and last minute meetings that solidify your second place position on the priority hierarchy. Success has its benefits, but it can also unearth unhealthy traits such as aloofness, arrogance and over inflated egos. If you’re potential beau is familiar with calling the shots and designating tasks to over eager employees, it may be hard for him to strike a balance with someone who is stubborn, outspoken and who finds it difficult to take orders. This will inevitably, leave both parties in deadlock and incessantly engaging in a destructive power struggle.

Sadly, many women have sacrificed their development to focus on their partners’ successes only to be left behind when he gains that promotion, gets a seat in office or hits the big time. If time and attention are prominent requirements for your better half, it may be best to let that highflyer pass you by.

Like Batman, don’t be fooled by the silver tongue of The Riddler!

On first glance he may appear ordinary, however once engaged in conversation, his slick tongue, effervescent tales and flattering words have one immediately hooked. His striking presence in a crowd, flattering use of compliments in private and ultimate talent of being able to talk his way out of any situation, leave onlookers astonished and you ready to settle down.

Jim Carrey as The Riddler

But Beware:

The man, who can talk his way out of a fine, flatter the potential mother-in-law and successfully barter the price of an item, may also have the potential to effectively talk his way out of an uncompromising situation, cheat his way out of an affair and convince your family that you are the paranoid one. There is a distinct difference between eloquence and manipulation and whilst very few people have that natural ability to verbally mesmerise others, even fewer will use that talent solely for good purposes. Words speak volumes, but only actions can bring things into being. The uncontrollable urge to vocally please others may initially entice you, but verbal skills will never compensate for the disappointment, heartbreak or fund your material desires. Be wary of the man who promises you world, but fails to deliver!

The masked Mummy’s Boy

There is nothing more endearing than the man who gushes about his mother, brags about his sister and prioritises every family function. His extremely protective nature of his younger sister and the high regard he holds for his mother, emanates respect, immeasurable love and sensitivity to the spectator. His unique admiration for females, authenticate the fact that he knows how to treat a lady and the emphasis he places on the family unit, warms the hardest heart and confirms what a good father he will make one day.

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew McConaughey in Failure to Launch

But Beware:

As films like Failure to Launch demonstrate, you could become the ‘other woman’ to the man spoilt by his adoring mother, who waits on him hand and foot. The fact that he refuses to move out of home, jumps when summoned and takes a defensive stance every time his mother is mentioned can certainly be problematic. Whilst mother may always be right; the competition, constant comparisons and demotion to ‘second best’ could soon erupt into heated discussions and develop into a power struggle – a fight you are bound to lose! If he is still content with mummy’s cooking and she has an extended invitation to enter the house with a spare key, be warned, as he may not be ready to be weaned off that dummy just yet!

Everyone puts their best foot forward when they meet someone new. In an attempt to impress the other party we immerse ourselves in provisional facades; suppressing our honest thoughts, concealing our bad traits and laughing at jokes that may not appeal to our funny side. However, whilst it is imperative to know what you want, it is just as important to realise when we are faced with smokescreens, masquerades and incompatibility. Illuminating qualities in an individual are attractive, but just as Part Two of this article will demonstrate, acute and excessive use in the wrong hands, can scarily unearth the Flying Bachelor, Condescending Intellectual and most dangerously the Green Eyed Monster.

Exquisitely wrapped chocolate may look tempting whilst on the shelf, but we are all aware of the health implications of it in high doses. They say never judge a book but it’s cover, but perhaps is can be useful to sneak a peek at the introduction, reflect and flip right through to the end to avoid future heartbreak!

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