What is Considered Cheating?

The definition of infidelity (according to Wikipedia) Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) most commonly refers to a breach of an expectation of sexual and or emotional exclusivity expressed or implied in an intimate relationship.

So the definition states that to cheat is to have an affair whether it be emotional or sexual within an intimate relationship.  I agree with that definition that to cheat is to become involved in an intimate relationship.  I also agree that this can be classed as sexual or emotional.  We all know what sexual infidelity is; making out with the local playboy after one too many Jagerbombs.  However what constitutes as emotional infidelity.  Is it being in love with someone, a little flirting with a work colleague or few flirty texts to a friend of yours?

We all know that a full on rendezvous back to his place is classed as cheating well unless you people are in open relationships (that’s another article).  Also that full blown affairs of the heart are normally classed as a big no no.  Sleeping with another man or woman who isn’t your partner is the ultimate in cheating behaviour.  We’ve all been drunk and in situations we’d rather forget with people we’d rather of never met!  Going out with the girls and getting so drunk that you claim you didn’t know what you were doing is one way of looking at kissing someone you shouldn’t have.  You did something that you shouldn’t do and most probably feel really bad for it.  Snogging someone is one thing, but is a kiss on the lips the same as kissing someone with tongues? A kiss on the lips can either be a quick peck or it can be long and lingering and can be just as damaging to your relationship as the proverbial peck.  I think many people would justify a kiss with no tongues as it’s not intimate right?  I kiss my mum and my best friend on the lips, I don’t use my tongues so surely its not cheating?  I think it all boils down to how you feel afterwards, if there is a pang of guilt attacking your heart then it is probably something you should speak to your partner about.

What about girls kissing girls?  Is that still cheating?  Or a bit of fun that your boyfriend wouldn’t mind being involved with, (and possibly sorry that he actually missed it).  Not very long ago I was chatting to a girl in a club and she clearly took my compliments about her tattoos as an opening to come and checkout what I’d had for breakfast because she full on lunged at me and kissed me.  I was in total shock, that’s not to say I didn’t kiss her back!  It was fun but not something I had initiated and would probably never initiate.  But afterwards I felt so guilty I had to tell my boyfriend as soon as I got in that night and then again the next day to make sure he had remembered!  Luckily he was fine with it and just thought it was funny, but I’m sure we would be having a very different conversation if it was a drum and bass wannabe shoving his tongue down my throat!

What about texting and flirting with people?  Is this classed as cheating?  Flirting is one thing, laughing a bit too much at some guys jokes and flicking your hair at every pun (intended).  Some people are just born flirts and flirt with everyone they know and claim they don’t know there doing it (hmm).  Flirting is one thing but exchanging numbers with someone (other than your boyfriend) is another thing.  Sexting is something that everyone is all too familiar of, especially those kids off of TOWIE, it’s all they every do is sent flirty texts to each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends, then consequently spend days rowing about it for days afterwards.  It’s a sneaky way of cheating really as nothing physical goes on, nobody is kissing or making out outside cheeky chicken.  However it is flirty, sexy and can be worse than kissing someone in my eyes.  These are premeditated sexy messages to another person who isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend.  I think I would rather have my boyfriend kiss another girl drunkenly that get involved in sexting.  At least the kiss is over and done with and he can feel guilty about it for weeks afterwards.  Texting or even calling another person in secret can be just as damaging as the physical infidelity.

Everyone’s perceptions of cheating are going to be different, depending on the type of relationship you have, or what kind of relationship you are in.  However if you are cheating then you probably shouldn’t be in the relationship at all.  If you haven’t told your partner about you kiss, text etc, then it’s probably classed as cheating.  If you feel guilty about it then you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all….so step away from the instant message.

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Infidelity: Are Men More Likely to Cheat Than Women?

Growing up in London, the heart of fashion, art and hippies, one comes to experience the taste of variety of things without ever physically or mentally intending to. It’s London. Whether you like it or not you will be exposed to an array of cultures, foods and music.

This reminds me of once when I was sitting alone in a rather cosy Costa coffee shop somewhere on Oxford Street, enjoying my Americano, hold the sugar; and reading the Daily Telegraph. Sipping away slowly and behaving as though I am interested reading the fascinating sports section, I overheard a woman. Not much older than myself, maybe in her early to mid twenties; crying into her large cappuccino with a group of tight knit girlfriends who were mollycoddling her and passing along a packet of Kleenex.

To the other beverage lovers I must have looked very interested in what I was reading, little did they know; I was trying my best to get a deep insight over why this woman crying from a table away. From what I remember she was blubbering about her long term fiancé having a physical relationship with another woman for the past year. What should she do? Should she break it off? It was ‘only’ a physical relationship not after all, not an emotional one, so should she pursue her summer wedding?

We can all sit behind out laptop screens and judge Cheryl Cole’s decision to forgive Ashley Cole; one of the most scandalous affairs to be revealed but after a lot of press coverage and support given to Cheryl; she decided to stand by her husband and forgive him. Was Cheryl’s decision a bad one?

Psychology and evolution teaches us a lot about infidelity and the major stereotype that men are more likely to take part in infidelity than women. I can break this down simply. As far as psychologists and evolutionists are concerned men are made to “spread their seed” and women are made for child birth and the upbringing of the child. This may all just be hard to digest and I can already feel the wrath of feminists as I type, but take a breather and think about it. Men are able to impregnate women continuously without a break for as long as they live.  Women on the other hand only have a certain number of eggs and a certain amount of time before menopause hits them.

What is believed is that men are more likely to take part in infidelity because they have the ability to keep impregnating women and it is wired into them that they should spread their seed. This is why men may find themselves in another woman’s bed when they know the one they love is waiting for them at home. I will throw my opinion into this and say I believe most men are helpless. It takes a lot of self control to turn down an opportunity of sleeping with another woman.

The question women see themselves asking is why is it easier to forgive a man who has had a physical affair than an emotional one? I’ve heard time and time again that a woman is able to forgive a one night stand. This works both ways; a man will much easier forgive an emotional affair than a physical one. Basic evolution theories teach us that women look for stability and wealth in a man so he can support her and their child, whereas a man will look for beauty in a woman, a woman who will give him beautiful children. If a woman comes to knowledge that her partner is having an emotional affair, all hell breaks loose. She feels threatened that he will stop taking care of her and start taking care of this other hypothetical woman instead. She will start to feel insecure and scared whereas she may be able to brush a physical relationship under the rug. A man on the other hand will break down if he comes to knowledge that another man has touched his woman’s body, how could he be sure that the child/children she has are his? Of course now we have paternity tests, but we are talking about initial reactions and thoughts.

So should Cheryl have forgiven Ashley? Or should the crying Costa Coffee girl marry her fiancé? Maybe both these women felt as though they could forgive their husband/fiancé merely because inside they felt that the cheating was only physical and doesn’t hold a threat to her or their future children.

I can type my thoughts and tell you yes they should get back with their partners, only because their partners were cheating physically, but I can’t speak for every woman. I would feel threatened if I came to knowledge my partner had an emotional relationship with another woman. Would I forgive him if it was a purely physical relationship? Yes I would. I am going to side with Cheryl and the Crying Costa girl on this one.

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