Challenging Family Relationships

One of the most frequent things that I hear when I talk to people about loving yourself first is “How do I deal with negative family members?”

This is a great question.

There are no absolute answers to this but I will offer my opinion on the subject.


Every relationship that you have with your mother, father, son or daughter is not just a relationship between two people. It is the result of generations of family conditioning, beliefs and habits that have been passed down. We learn and model behaviours of our parents whether we like it or not as children.

An unconscious belief or pattern that you are currently running could have originated hundreds or even thousands of years ago by a long distant relative and you are just playing it out on one person who is close enough to listen to you and believe what you say to them because they trust and love you.

We are born into this world with a desire to connect and our parents are the ones who spend most time connecting with as kids. When one day they start shouting, saying negative things and appear unhappy, we take that on board emotionally and energetically. This was probably what happened to them – as they were conditioned by their parents.

All negative family members are the result of generations of conditioning that they did not have the tools to process. They were not prepared for this. They did not have the realisation to know that these feelings were not personal – just an opportunity to change their conditioning.

Because you will have hard-wired and well rehearsed responses to close family it is important to maintain a distance from anyone who is blaming you on a consistent basis. They do not realise that it is not you but generations of sameness that they are blaming.

Being big enough to grasp this concept and change the conditioning is the ultimate objective for anyone looking to move forward in a way that supports their wellbeing.

This change has 4 phases.
1. Awareness (it is not only my mum/dad/son/daughter who is negative but many years of genetic conditioning being passed along)
2. Forgiveness (everything that has ever happened has brought me to this point in my life where I am ready to be at peace with who I am)
3. Acceptance (I accept who I am and who my family are and will learn and grow from everything)
4. Positive focus (I choose to see, hear and feel only what feels good for me.)

In short – see the bigger picture, forgive the person in question and focus on what you want (or you will get what you don’t!)

Forgiveness may not happen overnight, right now. Continued focus on positive outcomes and a desire to unlearn anything that no longer serves you will certainly help though.

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