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Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World: Part 2

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Now on top of flirting, playing it cool and trying to feel empowered all at the same time there is a little media foreplay added to the mix.  Camera phones, Skype and Facebook.  Whatever did we do without all of these media mixes?  We can talk to guys on-line without even having to meet them.  We can flirt, chat and see each other without even having to go on a real date.

The dating world has changed as more and more media aids are being brought out.  The need for discretion is completely disregarded after a couple of wines at home messaging a man you met on-line.  Personally it is not something that I would become involved in, as I am older and wiser and understand that lurid pictures can and will eventually end up in the wrong hands or worse on tin-ter-net!

I think women who are little older will understand this and will be more cautious as to what pictures go into who’s hands.  However what if you are a younger woman just starting out in the dating world and this proves to be the norm.

The way in which teenagers are dating is much different say 10 years ago.  Girls as young as 12 and 13 are having full on sex.  As I am researching this I am shaking my head like a mother would at her daughters choice of Friday night attire!  Girls of 13 having sex tsk tsk!  But really it wasn’t like that when I was younger.  I knew some girls who were sexually active very young but it was with their boyfriend and that was it.  But even then at age 12 and 13 is was extremely shocking and were not considered to be very nice girls (ahem).

Sending naked pictures to people is something of the norm these days, especially for teenagers. It’s just all to easy to do, what with Bluetooth, Facebook, camera phones and Skype. It seems that before teenagers even go on dates with each other they want to see the ‘goods’ first. It’s like nothing is a mystery when it comes to dating and teenagers. Some young girls have boyfriends that they have just starting going out with and before they even gone out they are sending naked pictures to each other! I have a teenage brother who will regularly receive naked pictures from girls he is either dating or who he has not even met! He says its normal and its harmless and that no one is getting hurt.

I do believe that there is a pressure for both these boys and girls. I think there is a pressure on these boys from their peers to get girls to send them pictures. Also I think there is certainly a pressure from these girls to send pictures out to these boys. If at a younger age girls are being pressurised into sending explicit pictures to boys it maybe just another way that the dating world has evolved. I’m not saying that I agree with it and I certainly wouldn’t encourage my son or daughter to be a part of that. However with all this new technology it’s difficult for teenagers not to experiment with these things. I think it can lead to the wrong impression but these boys need to stop asking for naked pictures and these girls need to learn to say no to giving them if they don’t want them leaked into the internet. Please read more: https://topdatingreviews.net/review/victoriabrides/

 

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Goodbye Honeymoon… Hello Relationship

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The honeymoon period in most relationships is usually crammed with the culmination of endearing gestures, poignant revelations and spontaneous acts. From being contentedly overwhelmed by the late night phone calls and flirty text messages, to the impulsive date nights and that feeling of being totally besotted with each other; it is easy to conclude that the dating process with the right person can be extremely pleasurable! However, similar to the purchase of a new car, or the acquisition of a new property, it is only human nature for the initial exhilaration and novelty to wear off and become part of the norm. So what do you do when you have cleared the initial hurdles only to be confronted by another relationship stumbling block, where communication diminishes, spontaneous gestures stop and he outwardly expresses a preference to spend an evening out with the boys?

General Paranoia Vs Women’s Intuition

With the explosion of celebrity infidelities, shocking chat shows and the continuous growth of the social media, it is hard not to start scrolling through his phone, hacking his Facebook or checking his pockets. However, every relationship is unique and should be treated as such. So whilst his lack of constant affection may be a sign that he is losing interest, it could also indicate a new sense of security where he no longer feels the need to outwardly devote all his attention to his chosen soul mate. Intuition can provide answers behind suspicious activity or a change in behaviour, but be cautious as not all change is detrimental.

Sorry babe I’m busy!

Do you remember the time when your partner had the innate ability to juggle his appointments, postpone meetings and deprive himself of sleep in order to tend to your needs? Suddenly you come to a point in your relationship where all your invites are declined; excuses are commonplace and you no longer feel like a priority, due to his ‘work commitments.’ Rejection at any level can dent one’s pride, but it can be particularly hurtful if you are used to a set behaviour. Nonetheless, the word ‘busy’ literally translates to unavailable and should not be taken personally once you have settled into a relationship. Whilst his sudden change in priorities could indicate a straying eye, with the dramatic increase of shift work and longer hours, he could just be trying to keep up with a demanding and hectic schedule. Moreover, this sudden focus of tending to previously neglected commitments may simply reflect his contentment and the fact that he is positively looking to a future with you.

But I promised the boys…

You may not understand why he would prefer an evening out with the lads or constantly cancels when he has his son for the weekend, but if your initial conversations were dominated by stories which included them, it should not be a surprise. Bear in mind that whilst you may have been his focal point initially, friends do get jealous, unexpected events happen and people usually adjust to the way of life they are most comfortable with. So before you reach for his phone, schedule a drink with your friends and focus on ensuring that you make more of the quality time you have together. After a stressful day at work, help him loosen his collar and release that tie, by being that much needed tentative, amusing and tactile distraction that he needs.

We don’t talk like we used to

Most people text on an impulse and if you are the only thing occupying his mind and he wants to make contact, he will! So how do you go from overwhelming wake up calls and complimentary texts, to uneventful two minute calls where you discuss why he did not get his monthly bonus? Naturally, you may come to the conclusion that he may be communicating with another when you don’t hear from him when you expect to. Even so, you must be realistic. Do not expect the forty text messages a day that you used to receive, as once you are settled, the need to communicate at that extremity becomes less necessary. As a couple, your quality time together should compensate for this as you get to know each other on a more intimate level. So unless you are receiving authentic warning signs of infidelity, (such as no communication, lack of personality on the phone, or long periods of silence), fine tune your imagination to regain his interest via text by perhaps suggesting a back massage or a spontaneous excursion.

Change in body language

Whether it is due to lust or infatuation; intimacy, exploration and discovery play significant roles when it comes to getting to know someone new. In the beginning, his gentle tactile nature will be emphasised as you enjoy the benefits of holding hands, affectionately gazing at each other and flirtatiously touching. If you are lucky to experience real chemistry, your attraction will undoubtedly strengthen by that uncontrollable shiver as he whispers in your ear or that warm glow when he caresses your hair. Consequently, as time progresses that physical chemistry should adapt and the discovery process should be more pleasurable.

Not tonight Hun

If your complaint is that your partner seems distant or appears repulsed by the thought of getting intimate, you have to address this immediately as there is obvious cause for concern. However, if you are merely peeved because you no longer intimately engage with the same vivacity or enthusiasm, think before you assume the worst. It is a scientific fact that stress exacerbates most conditions; on an extreme scale that bullying boss or financial stress may cause temporary impotence or affect the libido. Conversely, his lack of interest in bedroom could simply be put down to fatigue. Before you seek solace elsewhere, take some advice from Beyonce in the song Countdown and “run up in the kitchen with your heels on” and make that effort to “meet him at the finish line!”

Meeting someone new and intriguing can expose innovative adventures; mysterious conversations and unearth hidden emotions. Unsurprisingly, we are partial to the endearing features of the person we meet, but as time progresses some of our expectations remain too high. Consequently, whilst one party expects the other to maintain this high level, the other party is now comfortable to be themselves. If he consistently passes up the opportunity to see you, keeps mysteriously vanishing or insists on doing everything on his terms, your intuition is key. However, do not let your imagination go wild; remain alluring, spice it up with impetuous surprises and most importantly talk to him!

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The Thin Line Between Love and Lust

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In this era of technology, flashy phones and social networking, instant friendships have come to form an important part of the fabric of our youth. Many young people, at one time or another, believe they are truly in love even if with someone they hardly know. Can young adults really find true love this young? Or do they just see the love side of the coin while the lust side lurks in the dark?

Although we surround ourselves with advancing robotics as the age of technology progresses, the traditional image of love is something which has managed to stay true; however with the internet literally at our finger tips, publicising relationship has become a norm amongst our generation of young lovers. Receiving ‘likes’, ‘comments’ and ‘retweets’ in return for the intimacy shared with our ‘true loves’ has made the concept of ‘puppy love’ more and more tedious and with the number of social networks that bombard the internet now days the it’s not hard to see why.

Social networks in particular have become a foundation for most relationships young and old, making the façade of love claims easier. The quick transition in and out of relationships that occur with young people today examples how easy it can be for us to mistake a lustful relationship for the real deal. Pressures of media and peers add up to more than few of us avidly claiming that he/she were THE ONE… of many. (2673th time lucky)

All in all, as fashionable as being in love or shall I say lust is, heartbreak is on a popular rise. It’s not hard to come across numerous post, tweets and blogs dedicated to a broken heart. Is this just ironic proof that true love is something that the youth of today just can’t find, and with the constant involvement of technology, is this to blame?

Some may say at such a temperamental age where our hormones run wild is it even possible to feel heartbreak when we can barely feel love. Victims of a heartbreak at a young age may protest this notion; however as we move on and realise that what we had was far from love and nothing more than a burst of hormones, we’re left thinking the same way.

It seems as though the capability of loving and finding your true love is something that comes with an older age, experience and even an era perhaps? ‘You’re too young to know what love is’ but it’s not the same feeling we have for our cats and dogs … so what do we feel… lust?

The thin line between love and lust is a thin as we interpret it surely. You can’t explain how you feel but you know how to feel it, which is what love is… right? BUT is it ever possible for young adults of today to really connect with each other and find true love in the same ways of our parents meeting at such tender ages, or just passionately crave our naive counterparts. In a generation where publicity is the new private, finding a true love is something that won’t come as easy to us as it did our seniors.

Adverts for dating sites, advertise love at first sight. Boy meets girl and they interact… IN PERSON. So long story short potential consumers, go ONLINE and find your perfect match. It’s a double standard!

Perhaps the ability to meet people so much easier through the power of the internet is what blurs and distorts the young image of love/lust, most won’t know till it’s over but how can you blame us!

Love sees no age but it is something that lies beyond the depth of a mushy text or ‘changed relationship status’ on the book of faces. As young adults we owe ourselves more privacy, understanding and maturity to find a balance between love and lust in order to find our true loves.

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Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World

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I remember asking my nan about dating and relationships and how she and my granddad got together.  It was a completely different world back then.  The men would pick up the women from their houses up with no less than a bunch of flowers.  Normally having to have the awkward conversation with the dad (still do sometimes).  The evening would then commence would with a trip to the movies and then for fish and chips on the promenade afterwards (weather permitting).  Of course he would pay and there would be no grey areas about that (not like these days).  These days it’s kind of down to the bloke to pay but you have to always make sure that you offer and that you actually have enough cash on you in case he (shock) doesn’t pay!  Afterwards back then he would walk you home and thank you for joining him.  Maybe a peck on the cheek if he was lucky but definitely not on a first date, I think things were much simpler back then.  It all seemed much more innocent back then, I mean when you dated someone you only dated one person.  There was no chance of trying to date his brother too!  Or dating someone else at all.  Not like these days where women like to keep their options open now, and it is encouraged to date more than one man at a time.  I encourage my friends to do it in all honesty.  I tell them until they know they are really keen on each other, then to keep their options open.

Back then it was the men who did all the asking and if you agreed to go out on a date you wouldn’t date anyone else in between.  It was just not the done thing.  The men did the asking and people only dated one person at a time.  What was also different was women’s approach to sex.  I think men’s have always been similar, try to get as much as possible whenever possible!  No matter what decade it is!  However women years ago sex was something a lot of women waited until married and if not married were defiantly in a secure relationship.  Not like now where women’s approach to sex can be seen as more masculine these days.  Not waiting as long to sleep with a man, having one night stands and threesomes are not uncommon these days (but that’s another blog altogether).  Getting hammered and having a one night stand is seen as the norm these days.  It’s almost part and parcel for some girls on a night out.  If they haven’t pulled then the night was just not worth it!

Women’s priorities have changed when it comes to dating.  When women go out on dates their not looking for potential suitors or men that they necessarily want to marry as soon as they meet them.  (Ok so some women are).  They are looking for someone who can make them laugh, treat them nicely and someone who can take them out for fish and chips (maybe).  The way in which women have dated has changed, because women’s priorities have changed.  Women don’t all want or need to be married at age 20, in fact its completely frowned upon now at that age!  There are more important things to think about like travelling, careers and friendships. This is why the rules have dating have changed is because women’s need for dating has changed.  Yes sometimes all women want is a man for 6 hours of the night and not the rest of her life.  As long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is practising this safely then we need not worry.  The dating world will just keep evolving before we know it having 2 or 3 partners at a time will be the norm! (Ok maybe not?!).

Opposites Attract

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Struck by the way his dark mocha skin complimented her porcelain complexion,
Her conservative image creatively disturbed by his sinuous dreadlocks and loose-fitting jeans,
Struck by their contagious smiles, magnetised by their togetherness,
I come to a halt, caught myself staring and wondered.

beyonce-jay-zMost of us can summon up a time when we have sighted a couple and stopped in amazement due to the randomness of their pairing. Whilst the little angel perched on your shoulder might have invoked a smile; that mischievous devil probably challenged you to do a double take to satisfy either your inquisitiveness, or sheer ignorance. The celebrity world is beleaguered with examples of what the world may consider to be inequitable couples, ranging from Dita Von Teese and Marilyn Manson, to Beyonce and Jay Z. Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley shocked the world with their partnership, whilst Paula Abdul aptly used her song to emphasise the fact that ‘opposites attract.’ The success of any such partnership is testament to the fact that whilst outwardly they may appear incompatible, there is clearly a secret ingredient, spiritual connection, or trait that they both share to make their relationship work.

Ticking the Perfect Box

We all have a surreptitious idealistic checklist of the characteristics that we would like in a partner; whether it be smouldering eyes, the innate ability to communicate, or an incredible sense of humour. Most dream of the ‘butterfly-in-the belly moment’ when they meet that individual with whom they share mutual physical attraction, core values and an undeniable connection on a spiritual level. However, whilst we seem humanly programmed to flock towards those who share similarities, often enough it is the qualities we do not possess that provide the magnetism. But what keeps you together when you are poles apart?

Opening the Pandora box

We may be conditioned to live by the rules of compatibility, but even the media throws unexpected curveballs when the popular school boy falls for his geeky counterpart, or an unpredictable casual relationship turns into more. The reason to take the leap into the unknown varies for each individual and their situation. Some may take the plunge simply out of curiosity, whilst for others, (despite that fact that the physical attraction has always existed), the fear of disapproval or rejection has prevented them from pursuing the object of their desire.

Opposite characteristics may fuel initial attraction, but it is debateable as to whether they can provide the solid grounding needed for a long term relationship. Magnetism to someone different can contribute to the chemistry, invoke fascination and introduce one to a whole new perspective.  The unanticipated arrival of a tactile and spontaneous partner can fill a new relationship with allure and enthralment to the organised individual who lives by routine. The highly-strung person may seek solace in the passive individual and the party girl may hang up her high heels to spend a quiet evening with her more reserved counterpart. However, it can also increase the likelihood of a tumultuous relationship, if you have two different people who are pulled in two different directions.

Weighing up the scales

This scenario is even addressed in literature by authors such as Shakespeare with his witty characters Benedict and Beatrice, notwithstanding the notorious rollercoaster that brought Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele together in E.L James’s saucy novel ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ However, in reality, what do you do when your opinions and values differ so much that you cannot even agree on your choice of a TV programme, let alone decide on what religion your child should follow? It is easy to lose sight of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, as they might later become the very things that infuriate and frustrate you. For instance, whilst you may initially have found his respectful and cherished relationship with his mother endearing, the fact that he is a classic ‘mummy’s boy’ may be the source of many arguments.

The Secret Ingredient?

In order to ensure longevity in any relationship, it is important to communicate and learn to compromise. When you are different, it is important to be open to possibilities, focus on surmounting difficulties together and refrain from trying to change the other person. Counsellors, psychotherapist and psychologist all have their theories of what constitutes the perfect relationship, but as every individual is unique, it is impossible to provide one set recipe to success. Accept that you are attracted to your partner for their flaws, as well as their attributes and that you are with that person through personal choice. They say familiarity breeds contempt, but life would be extremely mundane if everyone dated themselves, so with that in mind embrace the unknown and celebrate your differences.

 “Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them” (Judith Henderson)

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Trick or Treat?

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Halloween is my favourite time of year and always has been.  The thing with Halloween is why us girls love it so much because, let’s be honest it’s the one day of the year we can dress up in next to nothing and have nobody pass judgement on us.  It’s not even about dressing up to scare people anymore; it’s more a case of snaring people come the 31st.  I think what attracts us to the whole dressing up idea is that we can be an alter ego for the night.  We put on a false façade and pretend to be someone else for the next 8 hours.

It can give us a sense of empowerment I think when we dress up.  We can hide behind our real self for the night or take on our new found persona.  I think being dressed up and chatting up guys is such a great combination.  It’s a definite conversation starter and you can get in character a bit with the outfit you have taken on.  If you have a great outfit on, men want to come and talk to you and women well wish they had chosen that outfit for themselves.  It’s a win, win!

The fun thing about meeting guys in costume is that you can’t always be too sure what they look like underneath if they’re wearing a mask or lots of war paint.  So it’s a great time for personalities to shine through!  Its exhilarating to not quite know what they look like or who they might really be under the outfit.  If you find yourself getting into character for Halloween then I find it can be a real confidence booster when talking to your prospective dates for that evening.

When I met my boyfriend I’d organised a Halloween party at my house.  Of course there were boys there who were Uncle Fester, ghosts and Donnie Darko’s for the night but the girls went for a more imaginative look.  We had pirates, an Amy Winehouse look alike and then me, a Moulin Rouge impersonator.  I was going for sultry and leggy for the evening.  I was single and looking to embark on a more lewd outfit the course of play.  I thought that hot pants, fishnets, a corset complete with feather headdress and long gloves would do the trick, as I attempted to woo my prospective boy for the evening.

A few hours in and a few vodkas in I began to have second thoughts.  It’s not something I would attempt again, because what with the 5inch heels and giant hair feathers I was about 10 feet tall, unable to cruise under doors without the aid of Miss Winehouse to help me.  I looked like a drunken old drag queen by the end of the night!  I was just glad I was in the safety of my own home and not in some club, having to drag myself home minus a glove and feathers at 3am.

Gone are the days of ugly pointy nosed witches and scary looking ghosts, it’s all about sexy pirates and cheerleaders to fantasise about.  However, I did don a Mummy outfit last year.  Head to toe in bandages and white face paint with black eye rims and a bloody face.  Complete with actual first aid bag.  Not sexy, not seductive and not sultry.   Just bandages unravelling come 1am and birds nest hair where my makeshift ‘mummy’ headband had come loose.  However the first aid bag was a real talking point and I proceeded to put on my best ‘dead’ pose when I was trying to avoid drunken ghouls.

However my first attempt at a Halloween ensemble did not scare my prospective man (too much).  Even when he did have to peel feathers out of my hair come the early hours.  I’m told I am the best looking drag queen this side of Kemp Town.  We have made it through 4 happy Halloween’s together complete with Mummy outfits and all, I just haven’t broken the feathers out since.

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How is the One Night Stand Perceived?

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It’s 2 am. It’s Friday night and the only thing you’ve had down your throat this evening is vodka tonics and the dirty blonde who’s name you don’t care to remember.  The bar is ready to close up soon but the two of you are not done partying.  The choice is a bag of chips in the kebab shop which may well give you too much time to sober up; or back to theirs for a few warm coronas and a warm bed perhaps?

So you take a taxi back together and continue the party till the wee small hours.  Laughing, kissing and telling each other how beautiful you look tonight are all part of the fun.  A few more drinks perhaps (or maybe a coffee after you have stumbled in your Kurt Geiger’s through the door) and let the good times roll.

Next morning can be an awkward flurry of gathering up clothes and trying to rush out the door before his house-mates spot you.  Or it can turn ugly, he won’t leave and is hanging around until well into Saturday Kitchen.  You’ve politely made him a cup of tea and after another hour you make your excuses as to having a date with your nursing home granny for lunch and no he can’t come.

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The problem is with a one night stand, is can be a drunken bit of fun when both parties want the same thing.  However once the curtains are drawn and the sheets need to be changed, a cold harsh reality sets in.  So how do men and women actually feel about each other after a one night stand?  What vibe does it give off to the other person?  The general consensus for both parties was that one night stands were a bit of fun and nothing more.  As lovely as the night may be, one night stands make no room for potential partners or someone you would like to take home to mum (or granny).

A one night stand gives off a slightly sleazy vibe; they are generally not something you can build a relationship on.  The reason being is that once that barrier has been broken, there’s no going back.  There’s no room for playing hard to get or trying to be aloof as you have already given up the goods at the first hurdle.  Of course there is an exception to the rule where one couple did go on to get married I suppose but remember it’s called an exception for a reason.

Some of the women I spoke to admitted that one night stands were not for them, purely for emotional reasons.  Some women will just generally get attached too quickly; once opening up sexually and emotionally to someone to not have this followed through with a relationship or even a second date can be too detrimental for them.

Men will generally feel elated, manly and full of meaty testosterone the night after a one night stand.  Whereas women will generally feel like they have just unwittingly notched another pointless gash on the bedpost.  As fun as it maybe there’s always a slight hint of shamefulness when your flagging a cab down in last night’s undies

Going into a one night stand can be like going into battle, you need lots of protection and not let your emotions get involved if you’re going to make it through the night.  Hard hats and hard hearts at the ready.  The only way to salvage any dignity is to scuttle out the door early enough leave him wanting more and hope that you wore jeans out that night instead of a micro mini when trying to flag your cab down.

Love Addiction: “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me”

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Ever loved someone to the point you would do most anything for them? Ever loved someone undeniably, irrationally, unconditionally? Did you ever think they could hurt you? No. Probably not. He is perfect most of the time, a ray of sunshine; charming, charismatic, kind, sensitive, receptive… he is your rock. Of course he would never hurt you. So what happens if one day… he just did? It was unwarranted, irrational and…impossible. Impossible? Really? Maybe it was your brother, or your dad… and now I hear you spit with utter contempt – impossible. No. Sure I get it – impossible, it was impossible in your mind and yet it happened. So what do you do? You walk, you say that’s it, over, c’est fini. That’s what you say, but how could you do it? He was everything to you…he was your family, he was your whole life…are you really going to throw a whole lifetime of happiness away over something that was, in the first place… impossible?

An abusive relationship never starts abusive. It starts as perfection. An endless honeymoon effused with invariable ingratiation, fulfillment, happiness.

Maybe it started from birth, a whole lifetime of affection and solidity. Thousands of women (and men it has to be said) experience this. This undying love that is all too apparent at the start of the relationship, too apparent to be true, and all too often, that’s just it – it is. Abuse happens very slowly, very subtly and it can happen to anyone. In reality when anyone is faced with that dilemma – where you thought it was just impossible, it becomes impossible to accept it ever happened… that time, and the next time, and the next. You may just start to consider your denial is rooted in something a little bit deeper than you were initially willing to accept… a dependency has grown… an addiction.

Love addiction is an actual ailment, rooted in fear and an extreme emotional dependence, an ailment today that our culture likes to glorify. The media, advertising proceeds to promote love addiction over healthy relationships. Right now as over a hundred therapy sessions take place all over the country, at least two of the people sat in the chair opposite will be a suffering love addict. Love addicts are people who are addicted to the feeling that love gives them, consequently they will stay in the relationship they are in at all costs in order to feed this “high”. Just like any other drug there are highs, there are side effects and there are withdrawal symptoms. When the drug (the person) supplying the love is absent the addict will deeply crave the drug. The drug’s absence will inflict self-destructive behaviour, often manifested in self-mutilation, imposed by the “low”.

So what about a love addict suffering an abusive relationship? Most of the time the two are closely interrelated: emotional co-dependents unable to relinquish control of their partner, or in the victim’s case, unable to relinquish the security of ‘love’ that the abuser supplies.

Our culture glorifies love, actually promotes love addiction, we project that idea of falling in love against all odds to get the “happy ever after” but this neglects all the actual groundwork involved in making a successful and happy relationship not to mention compatibility. Take Romeo and Juliet for example. Their love is what so many women might aspire to, an ever-lasting, undying bond, so strong you would die for each other. But in actual fact their short lived relationship embodies one of two love addicted people, both falling for someone very unavailable, both falling in love VERY quickly – at first sight – this idealised notion of love. When in actual fact if their relationship had managed to live out a week it never would have been functional. Romeo would have plunged a sword into every man who dared glance at Jules, whilst she would have tired of waxing lyrical all day, the desperation of her unsolicited feelings would have driven her to despair as to Romeo’s absence, the weighty fear of not knowing what he was up to, the question of trust, upon which they had nothing to base upon, given the short term of their relationship. They would have suffocated each other with control and with dependency.

Climbing up balconies, wooing, “fair Verona” and love at first sight are all very well for the fairytale. But as our dear ‘star-crossed lovers’ represent, they will not do for “the marriage”.

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Dating in the Workplace

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What makes us want to date people in the workplace?  With the office being the forefront of most workplace shenanigans.  With nothing but computers, photocopiers and paperwork to focus on from 9-5, is it any wonder we suddenly have a look around elsewhere.  Steve from accounts has always been a bit dull, but after being transferred to that department a different side suddenly opens up.  Hardly an opening for 50 Shades of Grey, more like 50 Shades of Grey hair.  What attracts us suddenly to Steve in Accounts or Darren in Marketing?  Gradually his stories about finance begin to grow on you and you realise that his ever so slightly receding hairline is actually kinda cute.  Not only that but it’s partly down to laziness too.  You don’t even need to try and flirt that hard because you already know him.  You spend 8 hours a day with him already, know that he has a cat called Thomas and likes to watch re runs of CSI Miami.  You spend all day chatting and in between the real work and spread sheets, you find out that you like going to the same bars and know someone that he went to school with.  It’s like a first date but over the course of 3 months.

Slowly but surely you’re putting a bit more make up on in the morning and wearing a higher heel that would succumb to a health and safety briefing.  Going to work is that little bit more interesting because you’ve got yourself a crush.  God Steve from accounts is suddenly your crush!  Little looks are being thrown to each other in the weekly team brief and you make sure you get the teas in the same time as him.  Hovering over the water fountain like a gazelle in mating season, all lengthy and full of eyelashes.  Lingering looks turn into lunches together and staying late to catch up on assignments.  Flirting turns into brushing past each other at the photocopier.  By this point you have already had each other numbers for some time (work related reason of course) and little text messages pop up now and then.  ‘You look cute in that skirt today xx’.  It’s exciting and exhilarating knowing that you have a little play mate at work,  makes the day go quicker.  Before you know it you are texting each other to go and get stationary supplies (yes it is that cliché in the office).  Pretending to get staples and highlighters but just having a feel up of each other in the 5 minutes you have before your crazy menopausal boss realises you’ve gone.  Of course you return empty handed.

This is the lazy girls way to dating my friend.

This is all very well and good until you become the brunt of Melissa’s idle gossip at the fountain.  A few strange looks from girls you hardly know.  You overhear yours and Steve’s name in the canteen and realise that possibly your little secret is out.  Worried that your boss may find out, you tell Steve that people are inadvertently writing this about you on Facebook, and that you don’t want to be perceived as the office bike.

Eventually after weeks of flirting and dodgy looks at the watering hole, you all go out on a Friday night after work.  11 vodkas and 2 Sambuca’s later it’s just the two of you, drunk, snogging in the back of the taxi and telling each other how awkward this is going to be on Monday.

Its sure is, as Monday rolls around you both walk in sheepishly to the office, your back in your flat shoes and eased up on the lip gloss.  Your team mates are asking ‘What happened to you two after we left?’  As you dart looks at each other and conduct a faux story of leaving just after everybody else, separately.  Of course nobody believes you and the next few weeks you are subjected to groups of girls whispering about you, like you’re in year 9 again.  Your shade of grey rendezvous is over and now Steve is ignoring you.

The moral of the story is don’t eat where you sleep, it will end in tears.  Mostly yours and not his.

Read more here: http://datingreviewer.org/victoriadates-dating-site-review/

 

Image reproduced from blogs.wsj.com

Love Labour’s Lost

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Remember when Aristotle claimed that ‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies’? Well no, of course not, but we have all heard the quote, we have all dreamed and desired to love someone as passionately and ferociously as that, but have we all lost faith in relationships and worse still, irrevocable love?

More and more I am hearing of people maintaining that ‘relationships are temporary’ and that ‘monogamous relationships don’t exist’ Admittedly, I am a 21 year old girl, with 21 year old friends, but that once was the age were dreams were at the highest. Visions of white dresses, platinum rings and an eternity of interweaved hearts have now been replaced by the here and now and fear of divorce papers, custody battles and heart ache.

Can we even recall a time where love didn’t involve signing contracts? When loving someone was enough? When falling in love meant being safe and secure and above all else, happy?

Before the 1700’s there was effectively no divorce in England, a time when people fought to make their relationships work. And obviously, there has and always will be, casualties of love, but I strongly believe we should never stop fighting for it. Despite my parents’ divorce over 10 years ago, I am a love enthusiast as; after all, what would we be without love? We’d be empty, useless gaps in the planet. We’d be functional but no more. Hearts beating just to pump blood, minds racing just to find answers, just to remember figures and bank details and postcodes, not birthdays and anniversaries and favourite foods. We’d be shells, worn down by the sea and washed up on a beach. And we’d be waiting for some bikini-clad bombshell or a tight-shorts Mr Right to pick us up, polish us off and take us home to put on the mantle or in a shoebox in the loft.

If that is life without love well, that is where I’d rather be. Sitting in a shoebox. In a loft.

Image reproduced from thesynopsis.wordpress.com

First Date Alter Egos

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dating-mindthis-caFirst dates are like interviews. They are potentially the most intensely judgemental examinations we can subject ourselves to, initiating an interrogation from head to toe on whether those genes you were so generously blessed or cursed with will correspond sufficiently with what he’s potentially looking for… whether your pheromones are the right ones to get him going…whether over the years you’ve accumulated the ‘right’ skill set that will integrate well with his means of life whilst not intimidating his modern integrity in supporting himself… but what is he about to invest in?

We spend so much time deliberating on making ourselves the perfect product we forget to shop wisely ourselves… often buying into the first viable option that comes along, lusting over gleaming exteriors when really as much false advertising occurs on the dating market as it does anywhere else… but we’re too busy swooning over the prices and how something appearing oh-so-perfect on the outside can come so cheap so easily, and we forget that they’ve adorned their own packaging as meticulously as we have ourselves.

Dating is quite simply the most shattering, exhaustive tests of life, and yet we subject ourselves to the same stress time and time again. What is it that drives us to want to risk the pain that comes with love? Deep down are we all just masochists? Why do we feel the need to project a façade on our potential mates in the first place? It’s like we’d rather manipulate them, trapping them into investing into something promising to be so much better than it really ever could be.

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Have first dates not become mildly redundant now? If we insist on following the same script of pleasantries… sorry I don’t exploit my sex for the purpose of disillusioning a man I’m genetically and materialistically sufficient enough to be his mate. We go to every extreme in an attempt to conceal our real truths behind make-up and clingy vestige. Making all this effort whilst we remain oblivious to the fact we’re each soothing the same wounds, the same hurts, feeling the need to conceal how we really feel, projecting this façade until we’re happy enough with this ‘someone’ to let our hair down and reveal our inner demons, only when it’s too late for our captives to escape the clasps of the co-dependency they have now formed upon our unrequited souls. Are we partner ensnarers… just like black widow spiders and venus fly traps?

Is the reality that we are all just predators seeking the same thing? Are we prepared enough to pretend anything in order to achieve that status of partnership? We allure our potential mates with false promises of what they’re investing in from the start, selling the ‘I’m a culinary genius’ act on the initial date… but they can’t return the ‘recipe illiterate disaster’ after they’ve bought into ‘exhibition A’ already. There’s no refund policy on love… camouflaging ourselves within idiolects and fashion statements… changing colour to fit the scene when really we might belong backstage. Are we all just that uncomfortable in our own skin?

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We’re surrounded by mutual masks day in day out. We might catch the same train as they do every morning or take our coffee the same way from the same store at the same meticulous intervals during the day and even acknowledge this but we’d probably never approach a familiar face without our own mask on, or some form of armour to protect us from the potential tug of rejection that we all feel.

We don’t go on first dates – our alter ego goes, that popular kid at school with the cool bike who headlines the band and has all the confidence in the world, she gets tucked away behind the extra supportive push-up bra making her boobs look twice as perky and the extra strength granny suck-in pants which makes her tummy look twice as toned.

First dates really happen the first time your partner encounters you in your pyjamas with bed head hair..the reality is that those two people that turned up at the ‘once upon a time’ first date won’t exist by the time it’s come to the big finale, marriage.

The Spanish have a saying – “Cuando se trata de amor, hablamos el mismo idioma, pero eligimos no comunicar”. When it comes to love we all speak the same language, and yet we choose not to communicate.

Images reproduced from mindthis.ca

New Year’s Dating Regimes

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What are peoples top New Year’s resolutions for 2013?  It seems that losing weight is at the top and things like finding a new job that kind of thing.  However hunting for a new man appears to be high on the agenda for singletons in the UK.  According to Match.com the on-line dating site it typically sees an increase of 25-30 per cent between the period of December 26 and February 14.  It seems that single gals are logging on as soon after Christmas as Boxing Day!  Not leaving anything to chance!  Turkey barley digested, Quality Street still looming and it’s straight on the man hunt for some saucy singletons!

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Not only is the man hunt starting directly after Christmas but its continuing right up until Valentine’s Day itself!  In the vain hope that even on Valentine’s Day logging on, a date might still be on the cards.  New year’s dating is not just about logging on (complete with Christmas jumper and hat).  Its about reflecting on past relationships and possibly trying not to make the same mistakes again.  Doing your up most not to pick the same scrotum’s  which seem to flock ever so gradually towards you.  Think about the type of men you have gone for in the past year and do the exact opposite of that!  Reflecting on why your last relationship ended, was he too clingy, was you too clingy.  Did you stalk his Facebook every time he went out to track his every movement?  (Come on we’ve all done it) 11:52 pm and he’s checked in to Mahiki nightclub even though he said he wasn’t going clubbing.   Was the reason the last relationship fail because you pick immature guys?  As cute as 1D Harry is those curly brown locks are never gonna make it through the long haul or even through a Long Island Iced Tea.  Cute as they maybe younger boys will not always live up to the relationship so many of us crave.  Good for house parties, sneaking into clubs and general frolicking.  Bad for anything long term, that includes epic movies, road trips and attention spans.

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Instead of going for your usual long, dark and full of it number, try looking at different kinds of specimens out there.  They don’t have to be nerdy and resemble Peep Show’s Mark Corrigan just someone who has more to offer than looks.  Or if you normally go for Towies James Argent of this world (God forbid), then don’t!  Look for someone with a different look or characteristics.  If Skater boys have proved to bring you nothing but trouble with their intense good looks and laid back dress sense, then it’s a city boy that you need to open your mind to.

New Years is a great way to meet new people.  People love a fresh start and it can be the same with finding a new man too!  The idea is to change who you normally go for.  It’s easy to get stuck in a dating rut, dating the same types of guys, floppy hair, piercings and who look like they have just stepped out Edward Scissorhands.  But the world is full of many many men to explore.  Give the shy and retiring guy a go, if you’re usual is Mark Wright’s answer to Brighton and has proved not to be working for you.  You will find that he will probably pay you more attention and not have slept with 8 out of the 10 girls in the bar with you.

Just stay away from the Arg’s of this world!

Dating in Football Season (Why Bother!)

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Football season has started yet again, did it ever finish I hear you say?  That’s because it lasts from August to May every year!  With minor breaks for Christmas and New Years it would seem.  Of course any guy who is into football becomes overtly excited as football season approaches.  The fact that they have had a 3 whole months without a snifter of football (we all know that’s a lie) there are always random games on which mean nothing to us.  Apparently a ‘friendly’ is still classed as real game.  But what happens to all the WAGS out there when the dreaded football season starts again?  For all those die hard football fans who think that missing a game between Wigan and Scunthorpe is like missing the eclipse of the sun.  Where were you when Scunthorpe drew 2 – 0?

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We get cast aside, well for the first few months at least anyway, until the excitement has died down and the realisation that MOTD (Match of the day for anyone who has a life out there) can be sky plus-ed.  Mid-week Wednesday’s date night to the local Italian is replaced with a trip to The Albion to sample the local Artios on offer.  Double house vodka it is then, after the third the smell of paint stripper dies down.  If questioned then why you’re not going to the restaurant, a simple ‘we’re out aren’t we babe’, we can go to a restaurant any time but it’s the Champions league’.  You have no idea if it’s the Champions league or what this even means but you suspect that its just a ploy to keep you quiet.  You order another vodka and finish your game of Candy Crush propped up on a stool.

Saturday nights are taken up with ‘just as important games’ and either coming home at 7:30 pm or going out at 10 pm.  I find leaving the house at 10 pm after a whole bottle of Sauvignon whilst feigning interest in the Spurs match, be wholly detrimental for your night out.  Spurs have lost, and you’re drunk before you’ve even left the flat it’s a loose, loose situation.  Its 2 cocktails and home by midnight after only 2 hours out.

God forbid u go on holiday while FS is still on, suddenly it seems even more important to watch the game while your holidaying in the Algarve just because were ‘lucky enough’ to have it shown over there.

The way to get through this is to amuse yourself, call your girlfriends and have a wild night out while he stays in a dingy pub with his equally sad, equally football mad buddies.  Wear that figure hugging dress when you leave the house and see if that gets his attention.  Chances are it won’t and you will receive more affection from your bottle of Sav.  Just remember ladies its only 9 months out of the year….

Boys & Girls

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I glimpse at my phone, he’s texted me. No butterflies, no skipped heartbeat, no waiting at least twenty minutes to read and a further 22 minutes and 30 seconds (or something) to reply. I pick my phone up ‘yeah, come over in 10… I haven’t washed by the way’ my fingers quip. No I haven’t found the love of my life, got comfortable too quickly and think its okay to look vile whenever he comes round; I’m just replying to my best friend.

Oof, I can practically hear your sharp intake of breath. A boy and a girl – friends? Oh, We have all seen the films; we’ve all heard about Harry and Sally, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and not forgetting what happened to Julia Roberts at her Best Friend’s Wedding and well I’d be a liar if I said I’d not sat and watched these films, and their many variations, and thought the same thing – can a boy and a girl JUST be friends? Is it hopelessly idealistic to think that a man and woman can have a purely platonic relationship without it ending up a sexual one, or worse still, a loving one?

Can boys and girls be just friends?

Can boys and girls be just friends?

Here’s the thing. I speak from the place of someone who has two male best friends whom I happily tell my deepest darkest secrets to, spend time alone with, laugh with, argue with, snap at, bitch at and above all else, love wholeheartedly. However, I also speak as someone who is dubious as to whether being close friends with the opposite sex is actually feasible. Those ideas don’t really work together, do they? Hello! Welcome to my world! I went to a mixed sex secondary school. Growing up in an environment where boys were always around, throwing things in lessons, kicking footballs into large groups and chasing you around the common room, not only enabled, but encouraged friendships with boys, we saw them less as ‘items’ to speak to on Facebook, giggle at when passing on the street and kiss at discos and more as people and in some cases, the funniest people I know.

I currently work in a single sex girl’s school and the difference is astonishing. I speak generally when I say this (and with the understanding that they are young), but the girls seem to have a lack of understanding when it comes to any non-sexual relationship with, not just boys, but the entire male species. The girls will gawk and blush and point out of the window at the scruffy looking hedge trimmer with his tight fitting trousers travelling too far south causing his bottom to smile back at them and they will giggle and push each other in front of the geeky new male supply teacher. They will speak not of the funny thing Tom said at the park the other day, but of the amount of kisses and BBM Contacts received at the most recent disco.

I can’t help but feel that they are missing out; missing out on watching boys grow from the irritating idiots punching each other in the back of the classroom into some of the best friendships school has to offer. The media has always had an opinion on this ‘will they/wont they’ matter and have no doubt helped to shape the status quo. Think of Ross and Rachel (sigh), they get together in the final moments of the final episode of the final series after being on and off for years, during which time Chandler and Monica get married, on that programme, what was it called? Ah yes, FRIENDS. Not lovers, not spouses, Friends. Of course we can’t blame it entirely on the media – it’s the practicality. The thought of either of my male best friends finding the perfect girl and falling in love fills me with a mixture of delight and strangely, loss.

With or without intention our friendship would slowly become less intense as the new girlfriend would naturally become the confident and go to. And if that wasn’t the problem, the new girlfriend’s feelings surely would be; I’d like to think I’d be fine, but in all honesty I don’t know how I would feel if my new boyfriend maintained such a close and personal friendship with another girl especially the further our relationship went down the line. Anyway, I fear I have digressed in an attempt to avoid the inevitable. Of course it’s not been as plain sailing for me as I would have liked you to believe. I have failed to reveal the hours upon hours spent talking to my (female) best friends about whether ‘I like him’ or whether ’I don’t!’ It’s failed to reveal the nights I’ve cried into my pillow out of the pure frustration when not knowing how to feel. It’s failed to reveal the hours spent in the bathroom waxing, shaving, brushing and dyeing to turn myself into a different person for the sake of a ‘friend.’

Being close friends with boys has not always been (and will continue not to be I’m sure) an easy road for me, or any of my friends for that matter. But has it been interesting? Yes. Has it shaped me and my life? Absolutely. And as for my two male best friends, who may be reading this (but probably not, let’s be honest) if I end up marrying one of you, if we end up having a relationship, sexual or other or if we end up completely drifting and I turn up at your wedding, 8 years down the line, to your perfect girl, it has been totally, completely and 100% worth it.

Image reproduced from guardian.co.uk

Brush Away Those Singleton Blues

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With the sudden dip of temperature causing us to dust the cobwebs from our hats, gloves and scarves, Winter is definitely here! For most people, thoughts turn to the planning of impending significant family occasions and the countdown to Christmas, but for some, the idea of spending the next few months with only the duvet and a hot water bottle for comfort is a terrifying prospect.

Being single is a double edged sword. Depending on your viewpoint, you can either be the tragic ‘Bridget Jones,’ desperately searching for Mr Right, or see it as a choice to mould your future, embracing experiences and opportunities that present themselves, like the ladies in ‘Sex in the City’. Whilst you may inwardly rejoice the fact you are not ‘tied down’, public displays of affection may unearth a tinge of jealously and lack of companionship after a bad day at work can certainly be disheartening. Nevertheless, it seems that with our changing roles and emergence of the ‘independent’ career driven woman, one no longer feels obliged to move from one relationship to another, in fear of being rejected or viewed as a failure.

As Kelly Rowland and Natasha Beddingfield have musically demonstrated, being single is just another adventure, so whilst the cold chills may restrict your social opportunities, one just has to consider other ways to shrug off that snow blanket.

Keep your friends close
Some of the components that solidify your close relationships, such as communication and familiarity, can provide the comfort and reassurance needed after a painful reminder of an ex, or a frustrating day at the hands of work colleagues. Pick up the phone or go for a cocktail with your friend. You might not get the intimacy you crave, but an entertaining evening of laughs, gossip and hugs is a perfect tonic to lift and distract your mood.

Defy the norm
Whilst it is important to appreciate your friends, show willing at family functions and attend the odd work party, try not to limit yourself to one social circle. You may find that most of your social circle will be comprised of people who are already in a relationship, so use your compass to go out and meet other singletons to widen it. The sudden popularity of speed dating, events organised specifically for singles, and the ‘old-fashioned’ online dating sites, has brought more opportunities for singles. With the less enticing weather setting in, one can now chat, flirt and practice their socialising skills at the click of a button, in the comfort of their home. The idea of snatching your soul mate on the internet may be alluring, but nothing replaces the security of human interaction. So if you are thinking of dipping your toes into the virtual world, keep it light hearted, be sceptical and have fun.

Dip your toes
One of the main advantages of being single is that you stand alone when making choices, which means that if there is a particular career or a thrill seeking adventure you want to pursue, this is the best time to do it. Enjoy the things you are happy doing and people will be drawn to your drive and enthusiasm. When you do have your low points, remember that there are so many other people who are in the same situation, but it is what you choose to do with this new found freedom that will either make it momentus or just another painful memory.

Remember the pros
Like a vacation, being single can refresh you and help you gain perspective. It is a time that allows for spontaneity, abolishes compromise and permits you to dip your toes into the unknown. Used productively, it can create meaningful relationships and ensure you get exactly what you want from life. Patience is crucial, but it is important that you do not wait to be rescued from that knight in shining armour. Instead, confidently explore, realise your own potential and your Prince Charming will turn up with that glass slipper when you least expect it.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies” (Sex in the City)

Image reproduced from webhealthwatch.org

Tinder Dating App: Light Me Up!

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TinderSo… Tinder.  The free app that lets you anonymously ‘like’ people based purely on their photos, and then ‘matches’ you if you both like each other.  Online dating made incredibly simple.  No cringe-worthy Match.com profiles here, no description of personality, no ‘this is what I’m looking for’.  The only question that needs to be asked is ‘do I think this person is hot?’

I’ll admit, when I first heard of the thing, I was very sceptical.  Surely it’s just a different version of Facebook stalking?  Or just allows guys to flick through literally thousands of girls’ photos and make snap-shot decisions on whether they’re fit or not?  Well, both of these aspects are true (for both sexes), but what I hadn’t banked on was the ego boost or entertainment factor that Tinder can provide.

Having been unceremoniously dumped for no apparent reason, I was in need of a bit of cheering up, and friends (both male and female) recommended Tinder – not as a way of finding a new boyfriend, but just as a way of taking my mind off being miserable.  A little flirt, a little fun… where’s the harm.  So, moderately tipsy on a Tuesday night, I found myself downloading the app and scrolling through endless photos of guys to be found within a 5-mile radius.  This is London, and the app connects to Facebook, so it’s literally a bottomless pit of potential.

Several things became immediately apparent:

  1. Men who post ‘mirror selfies’ are an absolute no
  2. Those who are wearing sunglasses in every photo: again an absolute no (there has to be a reason why they won’t show all of their face)
  3. The guys who only post photos where they’re in a large group so you can’t be 100% sure which one he is: same story
  4. In general, there seems to be a rotation of the same 15 or so male names across London.  Tom, James, Ben, Dave, Will, Rich etc. etc.  Where’s the variety?!
  5. A lot of guys are seriously lacking in creativity when it comes to profile pictures

Not having ticked the ‘Interested In Girls’ box, I’m not sure what the female version of all of this is, but apparently the fairer sex is just as bad when it comes to awkward mirror selfies and the ‘less is more’ approach to clothing. (Ok so my profile picture is me in a bikini, somebody shoot me…)

Moving on to the next stage in the process, where ‘matches’ have begun to pop up, is where things begin to get a bit more interesting.  This is where the ego boost comes in.  Look, a hot guy finds me attractive too!  Maybe I’m not completely undesirable…  The range of opening lines is really quite impressive.  So far I’ve received messages along the lines of ‘Great rack’, ‘Come round my place this evening?’ and ‘Tip top tits’ (I think the aforementioned bikini shot might have something to do with this).  At the other end of the scale, there are the slightly more creative ones that ignore the bikini and focus on jokes, skiing banter or not sitting on chairs properly (all related to the non-bikini photos I have on my profile).  Needless to say, the latter category is what grabs my attention a little more.

Now I’m well aware of the fact that most people are on Tinder for some light-hearted fun and a few easy hookups.  For my part, I’m certainly not looking for anything serious (look how well that turned out last time…).  But there is a huge difference between looking for your soulmate and being prepared to show up to the house of someone you’ve never met for a night of no-strings-attached nakedness.  After all, I ain’t no ho.  Stories of girls who message guys with phrases such as ‘what’s your address I’ll come over in an hour’ and ‘want to give it to me now big boy?’ simply aren’t doing the rest of us who aren’t prepared to instantly drop our knickers any favours.  You can at least pretend to have an interest in what the other person does for work, what they do for fun etc, and shockingly enough you can actually have some fairly decent banter over instant messaging.  Now call me crazy, but surely this is a better way of piquing someone’s interest rather than unsolicited trouser shots via WhatsApp?

Moving onto Stage Three: the Tinder Date.  Public area, generally daylight (no excuse really, it’s summer!), and ideally a back-up plan to leave early if it all goes really wrong.  Now so far I’ve been on four TDs, three of them good, one truly awful.  The first three were all normal attractive guys, not axe murderers, all with decent conversation.  It also helps that usually by this point you’ve exchanged enough messages to know what the other person does professionally, which friends you have in common on Facebook (Tinder helps you out there), and if they’ve done anything interesting recently, so more than enough conversation starters offered up on a plate!  However, there will be various factors that you can’t be sure of until the TD actually happens.  Someone might have great banter in written form, but be really quite dull in person.  The guy might have somehow managed to look better in pictures than in the flesh.  And then there’s the height issue, which for me is a total deal-breaker.  This is NOT something you can get away with lying about.  The aforementioned awful date was a culprit of all three crimes.  Cue a fake phone call to my ‘locked out housemate who is simply desperate to get inside as she’s diabetic and needs her insulin’.  RUN AWAY!!

Overall, as far as Tinder is concerned, I’d have to say I’m a surprised fan.  One bad date out of four really isn’t bad going, and it’s certainly dragged me out of my self-pitying post-dumped ditch.  There’s a certain liberating factor to it as well: so long as you don’t have any mutual friends and you never actually meet, how are they ever going to find out you’re not French/a quantitative analyst/Australian/really rich?  You can be as flirty/weird/boring/confident as you like.  There’s no pressure to go on a real date, and if they start getting pushy you can just block them.  Simples.  It also opens you up to a whole range of people you’d never otherwise encounter from a wide variety of backgrounds and professions.  Architects, engineers, management consultants, civil servants, traders, bartenders, the list goes on.  For someone like me who is genuinely rubbish when it comes to being chatted up in a bar, Tinder is a goldmine.

This is first time I’ve done what’s I call ‘proactive dating’, and so far I’m having a lot of fun (all with my clothes staying on, in case you were wondering).  Where will it all lead?  Who knows.  For now I’m happy to just roll with it, and avoid the men whose creativity is summed up by an opening gambit of ‘nice pair’.

Read more here: http://datingcritic.org/review/victoriabrides/ 

Is There Such a Thing as Love at First Sight?

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Can you really fall in love with someone as soon as you meet them?  Or do people all too often confuse love with lust?

We regularly make up our mind within 3 minutes of meeting someone to see if that person is suited to us and if we are attracted to them.  But it takes a mere one second to decide if this person is physically attractive to us or not.  Hair, face, clothes, height, shoes.

Young couple drinking wine and flirtingYou can like someone an awful lot when you meet them.  You can instantly feel attracted to someone, by the way they look or a look they give you.  A certain smell can get your juices flowing and it can make you want to do lurid things to that person right there and then.  Meeting someone and have everything in common with them too.  Does this mean that you are in love with them?  No it certainly does not, it just means you’ve got very lucky and met someone with the same interests as you.  You’ve met someone with brains and beauty who you would like to bed immediately, this does not correlate to being in love with someone.  Outside of giving birth to your child, the mere notion of falling in love with someone as soon as you meet them is a concept which has always fascinated and astounded me.

I have had a number of boyfriends; I haven’t been in love with all of them.  I have felt an attraction to all of them and have either fancied or lusted after them shortly after meeting them all.  Not once however did I realise that after looking into their eyes did I decide that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.  Nor did I realise that after 10 minutes of their scintillation conversation about the latest Matt Damon movie or, the latest venture on YouTube did I realise that my life would never be complete without them.  After 10 minutes I would sometimes be wondering why I hadn’t been offered a drink; but never wondered why I hadn’t been offered a hand in marriage.  If this was the case I would have so far spend a large proportion of my adult life disappointed (sigh).

I have been left wondering how some people can claim that they have conjured up feelings of actual love after a meeting their mate after such a brief encounter.  I blame childhood fairy-tales and the Cinderella stories of our childhood.  It’s the feelings of wanting and desire that some people instantly feel on a first date or meeting.   Some people know that as soon as they have met this person they know they are going to marry them.  I however have never encountered such ‘luck’.

For me love is something which needs to be a gradual process of emotions and feeling about someone and something which has to be felt deep inside you once you actually know the person.  Not something which can be felt on the spot as soon as you meet them.    Those butterfly feelings you get in your stomach and anywhere else you may feel this is a sexually attractive spark which can make you feel giddy with pleasure.  It’s not love.  How can you love someone that you know nothing about?  Ok so you know he likes Opera and is a vegetarian like you too.  Brilliant.  Hitler also enjoyed Opera and vegetarianism; does it mean you would have loved him too?  No it does not.

The feelings of lust are very similar to that of being in love, it’s warm and fuzzy and it makes you do crazy things for that person.  Being in love is such a wonderful feeling, it makes you feel like the two of you are in your own bubble and as long as you are together then nothing can get through you or tear you apart.  It makes you feel like a stronger person, knowing that as long as you have that person by your side you can achieve anything.  Being in love allows you to share everything with that person.  Now how can anyone feel that after a rum and coke and a meet and greet?  Either that or I am a crazy cynic who’s never been that lucky!

Be Careful What You Wish For – Part 2

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“Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but they are always perfect for you”

Most of us are aware of the age old tale of Aladdin, his trusted genie and the endless possibilities provided with the granting of three wishes. Some will even be familiar with the extremely popular adult version, which uses this wish theory to explain the ‘Law of Attraction’ principle in the book called ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. However, whilst wishing may be pleasurable, the underlying lesson of repercussions, consequences and potential devastating ramifications, seem to have been disregarded.

In the first part of this article, we looked at the danger of positive traits having a similar effect to the overconsumption of too much chocolate and effectively, turning your Mr perfect into Mr Hyde. In the second part, we will continue to look at the intrinsic qualities from our non-exhaustive wish lists, which can cause irreparable damage in our relationships if not approached with caution.

Shaken and stirred with Mr Bond!

Daniel Craig as James Bond

It is an undeniable fact that chemistry requires a few elements to create sparks, the most poignant being that of visual attraction. From an early age, we subconsciously create internal visions as to what our potential future partner should look like. Whether it is the exquisitely strong, yet rugged look of men such as Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman, or the fine features of ‘pretty boys’ such as Shemar Moore and Tom Cruise, we know what we find attractive. His piercing eyes, sexy tattooed sleeves or bulging muscles may be what initially attracts you.

But beware:

With the promise of a visual paradise, come the warnings of placing a colossal amount of emphasis on the looks of your potential beau.  You may be content with the knowledge that you have that complete package draped on your arm, who makes your friends drool and the waitress weak at the knees, but those looks may be accompanied with unwanted baggage. They say that there is someone for everyone; however, whilst beauty may ensure attractive babies, it can also increase superfluous female attention. If you are confident, you will overcome niggling self destructive insecurities, but you may also have to battle with the worry that he will not succumb to all that female adoration.  Remember, that in any relationship, it is important that both parties feel lucky with their choice of partner. Looks should only be part of that complete package, as there is no accounting for the man who continuously boasts about his fitness regime, or is unable to hold a conversation.

Coping with ‘The Joker’ in the real world!

Ricky Gervais joking around

If you ask most women what attributes they look for in a man, the majority will emphasise the need for a potential partner to have an amazing sense of humour. With the increasing popularity of men such as Ricky Gervais, Kevin Hart and Russell Brand, the need to have someone that makes you smile is palpable. As well as possessing that ability to elevate the mood after a bad day at work, a good sense of humour seems to be the one attribute that can momentarily conceal any emotional baggage, financial problems, or an extremely bad hair day!

But beware:

What started off as playful amusement can potentially reduce you to tears, if he is unable to switch off the laughter tap and take things seriously. Most people appreciate jovial banter, but very few are as responsive when they are not taken seriously, or targeted as the subject matter of these jokes. Whilst there is nothing wrong with the good-humoured person who is able to see the glass half full, or alleviate the stress out of a bad situation, it is important to know when to stop. If he lacks the maturity to know that point, maybe it is best to leave him to socialise with the King or Ace in that pack of cards!

The Condescending Intellectual

Viggo Mortensen as Sigmund Freud

Whilst most people would find a date with admirable intellects such as J.R Tolkien, Sigmund Freud or Richard Dawkins a terrifying prospect, there are those of us who find a high IQ and intelligence exceptionally attractive. His eloquent use of words, enthralment with books and theories may fascinate you and that healthy obsession with debates and discussions may have you hooked.

But beware:                                     

You should never feel intimidated by anyone you allow to enter into your personal space. Just as the ‘visually fit’ man, (who appears totally oblivious to that fact), is more appealing, the intelligent man who does not brag, appear condescending, or subjectively place himself on a pedestal, can be quite a catch. Sadly, there are those who allow certain attributes to negatively overwhelm others and whilst intelligence is attractive, if patronisingly used to make others feel bad or inept, it can also be quite embarrassing. Save yourself the blushes, looks of disapproval and self-doubt by staying away from the man whose ego grows with every book he reads.

The Flying Bachelor

Jake Pavelka from The Bachelor USA

On paper he is the ideal man; charismatic, ambitious and material secure, with very little external baggage or responsibilities. Very closely linked with the High flyer, he gushes with pride when he talks about his job, travels the world and invests in the latest gadgets. His dreams of a five bedroom mansion, exotic vacations and the possibility of him earning money whilst he sleeps leaves you intrigued.

But beware:

Whilst he may have immense future plans, they may not necessarily include you. He may be one of those individuals who enjoys the freedom of bachelor life, where work can be a priority, he is able to make last minute plans and answers to no one, (apart from his paying boss). If after a certain period of time, he fails to extend invitations from friends, make space in his wardrobe, or can go for days without making contact, he is not ready to make any further commitment. He may be sincere with his feelings, but you should not allow him to have his cake and eat it, if it is all without action. His words may offer a blanket of security, but if his behaviour mirrors that of a single man, it may be time to let him spread his wings until he is ready to touch down on the runway.

Emergence of the Green Eyed Monster

Othello – a classic tale of jealousy

He calls you continuously, showers you with romantic text messages and overwhelms you with his passionate gestures. Continuously talking about you to friends and family, he makes it patently clear to the outside world that you are marriage material and he is captivated. For us females, there is nothing more flattering than being showered with compliments by someone who take a protective stance around male counterparts and makes you feel like you are the only woman in the world.

But beware:                                 

This is one of the most dangerous traits, if boundaries are crossed. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, as no-one wants to share emotional attachments or intimate bonds with outside parties. At its mildest, it is a reflection of your partners’ devotion to you; but at its worst, it can place you within the startling statistics of women who endure mental and physical torture at the hands of their ‘supposed love one.’ When he starts to check your phone, demand your whereabouts, or initiates the process of isolating you from your friends and loved ones, it can lead to a slippery slope of self loathing, domestic abuse and loneliness. If you start feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, walk away before it becomes a re-enactment of the film ‘Battle Royale,’ where parties have to fight until only one is left standing!

Shared with the right individual, love can unearth amazing qualities, evolve you as a person and fine tune your outlook on life. However, it is easy to lose sight of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, as they might later become the very things that irritate and frustrate you.  We may all have a secret idealistic checklist of the characteristics that we would like in a partner, but it is more important to select the individual who shares your core values, champions your beliefs and connects with you on a spiritual level. Warning signals should not only be apparent on reflection. If he has the appearance of a superhero, discard that comic and leave that fairytale land to Disney!

Images reproduced from tailgate365.com, birdsontheblog.co.uk, moviedex.com, articles.nydailynews.com and Wikipedia Commons

How to Survive the Honeymoon Period

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“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.”(Stephen R.Covey)

Every day the papers are overpopulated with stories of unfaithfulness, impending divorces and kiss and tell stories of the Rich and Famous.

It seems as though, we have lost the secret ingredient enjoyed by the older generation and replaced it with less fulfilling casual relationships and our ever changing views of marriage.

Most people are happy to be entertained with the drama that surrounds others, but very reluctant to partake in it, so they psychologically opt for enchanting relationships, hoping for love and longevity.

Unfortunately, this can have a negative impact on the choices made within the dating process, due to the superfluous pressure and heightened expectations we place on others when searching for the ‘one.’

There are a few of us that are either serial daters, (callously brushing off anyone who fails to meet expectations, whilst patiently waiting for that ‘special connection),’ or those who find themselves continuously falling at the last hurdle and plagued with the ‘what went wrong’ question. If after a few dates, you find yourselves mutually attracted, but still remain sceptical; here are a few things you should consider to assist with the progression and durability in your new relationship.

Have Fun Challenging Myths and Stereotypes

The dynamics in a relationship vary according to the individuals in it. Whilst your friend may shy away from dating a particular type of guy, you should not let opinions or negative connotations stop you from dipping your toes if you feel that attraction.

Despite the myths, there should be no rules of who approaches who, or how many days you have to wait before calling a potential beau; everyone is different. Confidence coupled with fortitude can be very attractive, but it is far more important to focus on how you conduct yourself, rather than how you are perceived by others.

A lady asking probing questions, (to satisfy her curiosity), will always be better received than the female who pretends to possess a halo, but is easily coaxed into bed.

Location, Location, Location

The initial stages within the dating process should be used as period of exploration. What you choose to do together should provide some insight as to the kind of person you are dating, whilst giving you that much needed time to enjoy each other’s company.

Unless you want your relationship to primarily consist of sexual contact; be smart and try to stay away from conceding to the second date in the bedroom. A healthy sex life with the right person can be amazing, but if it is a long term relationship you are looking for, it is important to find that balance so that sex is presented more as the tempting desert rather than the main course.

Square Peg in a Round Hole?

Compatibility is something that is often overlooked. It is often thought that once you locate the man with an amazing sense of humour, or the female who challenges your intellect that this element will fall into place.

It’s importance become pivotal when you look at the recent breakups of celebrities, such as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, or Katie Price and Leandro Penna, (where the location of the family home and complete disregard of culture, lifestyle and family life), led to the rapid deterioration of these relationships.

Differences allow people to maintain their identities, whilst encouraging healthy relationships, but it is imperative to have mutual shared interests. Individuals are often presented with signs that could later lead to ‘irreconcilable differences’ in a divorce, so take heed of that light bulb moment.

Don’t Let Your Past Haunt You

Ill-informed opinions, quick judgements and past experiences can often lead to bad decisions and it is not uncommon to hear singletons sending warning singles to others about the individual who comes to a relationship with ‘baggage.’

This is probably one of the hardest principles to enforce, but you should try not to compare the words and actions of an individual, with that of another and also remember that we all carry some luggage around with us to some extent.

Whilst gut feelings can avoid love triangles, (such as the infamous ‘Bradgate’ saga with Jenifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie), secretly checking up on him and raiding her pockets, will inevitably take away that trust and lead to devastating consequences.

Know Who You Are and What You Want

On the first few dates, we are all guilty of putting on a facade to impress the other person. Every woman dreams of that complimentary man, who showers her with flowers and remembers to open the car door, whilst most men are drawn to the woman who glows when talking about multi-tasking her adventurous side with her cooking.

However, as time progresses, flaws will start to surface and honesty comes into play. You may not want to come across picky, but if you cannot do a long distance relationship, you should say so. If the idea of spending an afternoon in the pub with his friend terrifies you, you may have to give him the red card.

Although you should try to steer clear of making comparisons, if that person does not compliment the individual you are, (or simply has greater priorities), now is the best time to realise that. People love ambition, but very few realise that in order to achieve, you have to sacrifice.

If you are not happy to slot into his timetable, then maybe it is best that just remain friends. Bear in mind that ‘you may have to meet a few wrong ones before you can appreciate the right one.’ Set your standards but balance them with your expectations.

Paul Newman & his wife Joanne Woodward

In summary, dating should be an enjoyable rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, ranging from the butterflies of excitement and flirty phone conversations, to that first sensual touch and realisation that you are falling for that person.

Enjoy yourselves as a couple, embrace new experiences and take comfort in the fact that long term happy marriages do exist; you just have to look at the marriage of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward for proof.

Image reproduced from myqualities.com

Is it Ever OK to Get Back With an Ex?

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We’ve all been there, the love of our lives (or so we think) has trampled over our hearts and shattered our illusions of love.  Everything was going so smoothly until he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship!  You’re left crying into your cosmo wondering what it is you said or did wrong.  But 2 weeks later he’s begging for forgiveness and a free pass to your La Perla twin set.  It’s as if they know as soon as you start to get over them, then that’s their que to call.

But the question is, should you ever take an ex back?  Remember they are an ex for a reason.  If they dumped you then it should really be a flat out no!  But life is never that simple.  There are lots of reasons that getting back with an ex seems like the right thing to do.

taylor-swift-we-are-never-ever-getting-back-together-music-video

You do love him for sure, of course you do.  You want to stop the searing pain that you’re feeling right now, and lying in his arms is the only way to do this.  He knows all your weird and kooky ways.  He’s the only one who knows that you secretly like to watch scrapheap challenge in your onesie.  Its comfortable and its easy, you don’t have to try with an ex.  He knows what you like and you complement each other in the bedroom.  He’s sorry and he’s going to change and you are the only one for him.  Everyone can change right?  And everyone deserves a second chance right?  Wrong.

However as dreamy as this may sound (and it does sound dreamy), remember why you broke up in the first place.  If somebody needs to be reminded that they are in love you, or they need time away from you to realise that they love you.  Then they don’t love you.  They’ve just realised that the grass is not greener, juicer or more bootylicious on the other side.  Its dark and full of traffic light nights in the local.  Getting back with an ex can be fun in the short term.  You have forgiven him and the two of you are like newlyweds again.  Its like the first dates without the nerves and the ‘will we wont we’ anticipation.  However this can be detrimental in the long term.  Wondering if and when he is going to do this again is the biggest worry.  If he suddenly gets cold feet again and after 6 months you’re back in the same position pouring over the same cosmopolitan wondering where you went wrong.

If however you decide to give him a second chance then remember he should get one last chance and one last chance only.  Reasons depending but personally I believe that its only worth getting back with an ex if you’re going to marry them, ideally he should have a ring ready (but that’s another article).  Otherwise there’s always room for another sharp exit perhaps….

If you are unfortunate enough to break up more than once then remember it gives him the green light to do this again as he knows that after a bit of begging and a bit of grovelling he knows that you will always take him back!

Have some respect ladies in the words of Taylor Swift, ‘We are never, ever, getting back together!’

Be Careful What You Wish For – Part 1

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Colin Firth as Darcy in BBC’s Pride & Prejudice

Most are familiar with the concept that like attracts like and many of us are convinced that the reason why we continue to attract similar people into our lives is because they are a reflection of who we really are. For most singletons the quest to find that perfect partner becomes complicated, when their perfectly compiled wish list, is tarred by the failure to recognize the warning signals, ghastly experiences and recurring mistakes. Our lists may adapt with age and experience, but our girlie conversations consistently centre on the dreams, hopes and expectations of the next potential suitor. Some of us remain specific (refusing to lower our standards), whilst others will be more vague yet obstinate that they base compatibility on that captivating smile, exhilarating personality, or that breathtaking spark.

Distinguishing Dr Jekyll from Mr Hyde!

Similar to the recipe for a gingerbread man, we all have a list of qualities that we each believe makes up the dream man. Alongside the numerous films and Mr Darcy type characters which dominate the romantic literature we read, there are the sultry tones of artists, such as Beyoncé, who intensify these expectations with songs such as “Dangerously in Love” and “Halo”. However, whilst dreams can motivate, inspire and encourage, they can also perilously blind the strong independent woman and create an artificial sense of reality.

Dr Banner transforms into The Hulk

In this first of a two part article, we will explore some of the endearing and persuasive characteristics and attributes, which if erroneously placed in extreme hands can change your perfect Dr Banner into his alter ego, The Hulk!

The High Flyer that can never find a place to land

One can tell he is going places with that impeccable culmination of suave suits, inimitable poise and abundant possessions. Draped in designer wear he orders everything on tab, snares one with his riveting conversations about his future business ventures and instantaneously commands respect from his colleagues and peers. With an outer exterior that exudes intelligence, confidence and ambition, he is perfect to introduce to the family and possesses the status and personality to make him a hit with your friends.

Daniel Craig as James Bond

But Beware:

It is easy to overlook the sacrifices and the time consumption that go hand in hand with high positions of responsibility. The initial buzz you experience may soon be replaced by emails, phone calls and last minute meetings that solidify your second place position on the priority hierarchy. Success has its benefits, but it can also unearth unhealthy traits such as aloofness, arrogance and over inflated egos. If you’re potential beau is familiar with calling the shots and designating tasks to over eager employees, it may be hard for him to strike a balance with someone who is stubborn, outspoken and who finds it difficult to take orders. This will inevitably, leave both parties in deadlock and incessantly engaging in a destructive power struggle.

Sadly, many women have sacrificed their development to focus on their partners’ successes only to be left behind when he gains that promotion, gets a seat in office or hits the big time. If time and attention are prominent requirements for your better half, it may be best to let that highflyer pass you by.

Like Batman, don’t be fooled by the silver tongue of The Riddler!

On first glance he may appear ordinary, however once engaged in conversation, his slick tongue, effervescent tales and flattering words have one immediately hooked. His striking presence in a crowd, flattering use of compliments in private and ultimate talent of being able to talk his way out of any situation, leave onlookers astonished and you ready to settle down.

Jim Carrey as The Riddler

But Beware:

The man, who can talk his way out of a fine, flatter the potential mother-in-law and successfully barter the price of an item, may also have the potential to effectively talk his way out of an uncompromising situation, cheat his way out of an affair and convince your family that you are the paranoid one. There is a distinct difference between eloquence and manipulation and whilst very few people have that natural ability to verbally mesmerise others, even fewer will use that talent solely for good purposes. Words speak volumes, but only actions can bring things into being. The uncontrollable urge to vocally please others may initially entice you, but verbal skills will never compensate for the disappointment, heartbreak or fund your material desires. Be wary of the man who promises you world, but fails to deliver!

The masked Mummy’s Boy

There is nothing more endearing than the man who gushes about his mother, brags about his sister and prioritises every family function. His extremely protective nature of his younger sister and the high regard he holds for his mother, emanates respect, immeasurable love and sensitivity to the spectator. His unique admiration for females, authenticate the fact that he knows how to treat a lady and the emphasis he places on the family unit, warms the hardest heart and confirms what a good father he will make one day.

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew McConaughey in Failure to Launch

But Beware:

As films like Failure to Launch demonstrate, you could become the ‘other woman’ to the man spoilt by his adoring mother, who waits on him hand and foot. The fact that he refuses to move out of home, jumps when summoned and takes a defensive stance every time his mother is mentioned can certainly be problematic. Whilst mother may always be right; the competition, constant comparisons and demotion to ‘second best’ could soon erupt into heated discussions and develop into a power struggle – a fight you are bound to lose! If he is still content with mummy’s cooking and she has an extended invitation to enter the house with a spare key, be warned, as he may not be ready to be weaned off that dummy just yet!

Everyone puts their best foot forward when they meet someone new. In an attempt to impress the other party we immerse ourselves in provisional facades; suppressing our honest thoughts, concealing our bad traits and laughing at jokes that may not appeal to our funny side. However, whilst it is imperative to know what you want, it is just as important to realise when we are faced with smokescreens, masquerades and incompatibility. Illuminating qualities in an individual are attractive, but just as Part Two of this article will demonstrate, acute and excessive use in the wrong hands, can scarily unearth the Flying Bachelor, Condescending Intellectual and most dangerously the Green Eyed Monster.

Exquisitely wrapped chocolate may look tempting whilst on the shelf, but we are all aware of the health implications of it in high doses. They say never judge a book but it’s cover, but perhaps is can be useful to sneak a peek at the introduction, reflect and flip right through to the end to avoid future heartbreak!

Images reproduced from telegraph.co.uk, tvacres.com, tailgate365.com, spinoff.comicbookresources.com and ivewatchedit.com

First Date Faux Pas

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OK so we’ve all been there, all been on dates we’d rather forget or much rather wish we hadn’t turned up to in the first place.  The trick is not to recreate those mistakes yourself.  So you’ve managed to secure yourself a date for Saturday night, with a guy you met in town.  You’ve had a trip to the salon; caterpillar eyebrows removed and dragged through the proverbial hedge hair trimmed into shape.  You spend the remainder of the day waxing, trimming, washing and straightening.  You’ve shoehorned yourself into your French Connection body-con dress and slipped into your 5 inch Kurt Geiger’s.  A quick glass of wine before you head out to steady your nerves and you’re ready to go.  Perfect.

You have probably already chosen a venue to meet in; this sets the scene for the tone of the evening I think.  You want somewhere trendy but a little intimate.  No live bands, pub quizzes or house and garage nights.  By the end of the night you won’t have found out anything about him because you can’t actually hear him.  Choose a bar that you’re comfortable in and have been to before as you will be able to relax a bit more.

Its ok to turn up for a date a little late for a date, it’s a woman’s prerogative surely, I think 10 minutes is standard and it’s nice to make an entrance.  However, 45 minutes is highly unacceptable, he is just going to think you’re a time waster or high maintenance, and most probably won’t even be there when you stomp in.  Providing he is still there of course, the next thing to make sure is you pick you conversation topics with care and attention.  Family and friends yes, work yes, outside interests yes, ex-boyfriends NO.  Under no circumstances do you mention your ex-boyfriend on a first date.  He will either think you are still sleeping with him or a bunny boiler who can’t let go of past relationships, (not good news the next dumpee).  Nobody wants to hear how long it took you to get past your 5 year engagement and how you’ve sworn off men forever.  Nor does your date want to hear how much you hate your rugby loving, beer swilling, over sexed ex.  He will assume that if you are quick to slag off your ex, what’s stopping you doing the same to him?

Know your manners!  Listen to him and ask him lots of questions, people love talking about themselves and he will be chuffed that you want to know more about him (football or not, feign interest).  If he rambles on too much about footie then tell him how nice you think his eyes are, it will soon stop his ramblings about Rooney and Joe Hart (this also works both ways if you’re rambling about lashes and shoes).  Offer to pay for some drinks and don’t expect him to pay for everything.  As much as we secretly want him to pay don’t expect a free ride, and be pleased if it is!

OK so you’ve managed to skim over talks of the ex’s and concentrate on what he’s got to say.  You’re halfway through the night and you’ve had a few wines.  More than you would normally have as maybe you’re a bit nervous and drinking quicker than normal.  You start calling in the sambucas and swinging your weave to Nirvana.  You’ve smudged your lippy and lit your cigarette the wrong way round.  Big mistake!  Getting hideously drunk on a first date is the ultimate no no.  It shows that your out of control, irresponsible and don’t know your limits.  Lay off the wines and stick to spirits, we all know what a killer wine is on a night out.

If he hasn’t thrown you into a taxi home at this point you have most probably woken up next to him as he assumes you are an easy target.  You shamefully utter how you never usually get that drunk, ask what his name is again, before committing the ultimate shame is first date faux pas.  The walk of shame back to your flat, hoping your flat mates won’t be in when you creep through the door.

If you have any chance of the first date going well, do the exact opposite of what you have just read and you should be on your way to second date heaven.  Where basically all the rules of the first date still apply.  Happy dating boys and girls!

When the Honeymoon Period is Over

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At what point is it that we notice that our relationship has slipped from sexy to slippers?  You and your man have been dating for a few months, maybe even a year.  Everything is new and beautiful (that includes the two of you), you and your man can’t wait for the weekends when you can go on proper dates together.  High heels and your La Perla’s for special occasions.  Weekends consist of fancy restaurants, cocktails and all the dessert you can eat!  Time is taken with your appearance, not that you need to have a full face of make up on every time you see him, but you make an effort to have your hair nice and make sure your shaved and waxed everywhere.  When you’re not being wined and dined with the hottest man in the room, you’re having weekends away together and fun days out to the zoo.  Little trinkets are exchanged and ‘I saw these and thought of you’ becomes a regular phrase.  You want to spend every moment together, oh the glorious honeymoon period!

So when do the late night rendezvous start to take a back seat?  It’s more of a gradual slope you can’t ever spot this overnight.  Bunches of Lilly’s slowly get exchanged for a packet of Jelly Tots from round the corner.  Friday nights have succumbed to a few pints and a couple of Sambuca shots round the local.  Trying to dodge any scraps with the local tools, (or each other).  It’s not even worth putting any heels on as your too scared of someone throwing Jack Daniels on them, or worse, them sticking to the floor with every instep.  One minute you’re sipping on a crisp Chardonnay with your hot man, the next it’s a warm sprite in front of EastEnders.

This isn’t anything either of you even notice until it’s too late though.  You realise that your once grey period pants have now become the norm for a Saturday night in with your man.  You realise that you’re only now shaving your legs when you can see them through your tights.  The holes in his pants are OK as long as he doesn’t wear them to try and seduce you.  And when did it become OK to break wind in front of your partner?!  You’ve become accustomed to going braless at home and living in your joggers as soon as you get in from work.  Days out and Michelin star meals are a distant memory and are only saved for birthdays and anniversaries (if you’re lucky).  A romantic meal for two is a Domino’s and a fight over the last slice.

You look at other nauseating couples in the pub whose PDA’s would give Christian Grey a run for his money.  All loved up and romantic together, you remember what the two of you used to be like; all new and exciting, snogging at every opportunity.  Life can often get in the way of romance, dates turn into just hanging out together and conversation is intermittent between advert breaks.  It’s a sad day when you put making tea before making out!

It doesn’t need to be like this boys and girls!  You’re together for a reason, because you’re in love and enjoy each others company; sometimes you just need reminding of that.  Remember the romance and cease the day!  Time to step it up boys and girls, put those La Perlas back on, iron a shirt and get out of town for a slap up meal!  Go on your worth it!

Image reproduced from eharmony.com

10 Reasons Why You SHOULD Have Sex Before Marriage

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This is a topic which I know that many people feel very strongly about.  It’s still quite a controversial issue for some people.  You don’t have to be Christian or Amish to appreciate the sweet taste of abstaining it’s something that many people decide to take control of and is almost a rite of passage for some.  However If any of my beautiful readers were thinking about abstaining until marriage then here are a few reasons why it might work in your favour not to.

1. Having sex with just one partner your whole life?  Now where the fun in that?  This does not make for very exciting girlie gossip!  Now this maybe ok for the likes of Romeo and Juliet or Cinderella.  But the fact of the matter is one person your whole life is a waste of sexual prowess.  I’m not saying spread yourself too thinly around the estate, but kiss a shirt and shoes combo’s until you know what you actually like.

2. There might not be any chemistry between the two of you.  Of course he’s a hottie and you’re a hottie but that doesn’t make for fantastic sex between the two of you.  Shame really as it would make life a lot simpler if every hot guy was great in bed!  Sadly though this is not the case and tight buns do not make for porn star sex.

3. What if after all the years of self-medicating you realise that your marriage guy turns out to be more socks in the sack than sex god.  He may not know is G spot from his G string and surely that’s going to be detrimental for any marriage!

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4. What if you have chosen the wrong sex? You wait all this time to marry the man of your dreams and find the one only to realise its chicks you like instead.  You haven’t experienced your sexuality in your 20’s like you are supposed to!  If you have never tried kissing or being with someone of the same sex (or anyone for that matter) how do you know that you’re sure that’s what you like?  Sexuality is a minefield in the lead up to adulthood, experience as much as you can before you get married as once you’re married its frowned upon to be sleeping with your best mate apparently.

5. Size.  Look I’m sorry but unless you have experience a few altercations with the odd small fry then you’re not going to know how to handle it.  Now I’m not saying bigger is better, not at all, it’s just that some questionable sizes may need a little more manoeuvring than others.  It’s always nice to have a little warning before you marry into the goods.  Instead of getting down on your wedding day to Justin (Just In geddit)

6. Size.  Now just as big can be as shocking a just as small, a lot of work and preparation also goes into the work of a very large, very well endowed member.  A girl will need some time to prepare (3 months of pelvic floor exercises should do it)

7. Being on the same sexual wave length.  What if you decide you like some ‘red room’ treatment but your new found married guy is more of a lights off under the sheets kind of guy?  Hoping to get spanked but only receiving a light hearted tickle will make for very long, very cold winter nights.

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8. Not having anyone to compare your partner to.  If you have no one to compare them too then how will you know how to do things?  And more importantly how you like things to be done to you.   This can make for very frustrating love making at times!

9. What if you don’t get married until you 60?  Deciding to wait until sex before marriage and then realising that you haven’t actually found anyone would be detrimental!  I’m not saying do it with the first tom, dick at traffic light night but sometimes being too cautious and too picky can make for unrealistic goals.  There are a lot of great guys out there, sure not all are marriage material but many are great practise runs.  As my mum says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. You would have gone your whole life with nothing but a pet rabbit for company.

10. The first time hurts.  Get that out the way before your wedding night, otherwise it’s some awkward manoeuvres in the dark and some slow, painful sex.  Hmm romantic.

Learn Your Dating Shortcomings with WotWentWrong

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How would you like me to tell you that you were terrible in bed, had halitosis worse than a crack-addicted garlic farmer and your choice in footwear was less than desirable? Didn’t think so. Now what if someone who you once dated, no matter to what extent of humiliation could do the same and do it all with your consent? Why, that’s madness! Apparently not.

Australian website, WotWentWrong, is helping the dating impaired become precariously aware of their shortcomings in all affairs amour. A free web app, you can send a former date a low-key, not stalkerish at all message to request feedback on your performance. The recipient can choose to reply with a predefined list of options or can elaborate further. I wonder if comments on one’s masochism are included in the site’s next update?!

See it in action below:

Image reproduced from idobelieveicamewithahat.com
Video reproduced from wotwentwrong.com

That Awkward Moment

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That Awkward MomentThat Awkward Moment stars Zac Efron. It’s mainly about three guys dating and the resulting stories surrounding this. As the title states, you can be sure the dates won’t go smoothly!

Jason (Efron) is in a relationship but doesn’t take it as seriously as his girlfriend and wants to end it. Then you are whisked back to the beginning as Jason explains how he reached his decision to call time.

Enter his two wingmen Daniel (Miles Teller) and Mikey (Michael B Jordan). They go out, go to a bar and get girls and each of them deals with the relationships formed their own way. This involves a lot of bedroom shenanigans thereafter.

To me, the whole movie was just an excuse for undressing and getting in-between the sheets. Not really movie gold. The plots were plain and predictable. Mikey leaves his wife, Mikey meets wife, wife tells Mikey he isn’t daring enough so Mikey and wife sleep at her workplace. Really?

Now let’s have a type of farce going where the guys have to keep their relationships secret, lest they break the pact forged to remain single. With such epic plot lines and a massively sumptuous script, I’m surprised more actors/actresses didn’t try to muscle in on the act. I thought I’d seen all the plot lines, I really did.

How are three best friends who see each other everyday supposed to keep secret they are in love? Okay, some of the resultant storylines means some separation of the friends. But why would you keep things from your best friend? I didn’t really find the way it was done amusing or intriguing. The whole point of the movie was not to admit you’re in a relationship?!

The one I feel sorry for is poor Zac Efron. He deserves better to be honest. Stuck with two lumps in some cheap version of the male half of Friends. Man, somebody has to give his guy a break and give him a real story – not a whose sleeping with who oddity!

The whole thing was just confusing; I still don’t see the point in starting in the future, then going back. Why not start from the beginning? There are far too many shows and films like this; frankly, it’s getting a little old. Did Cinderella start with her in the castle, saying to the audience; ‘Now let me show how I got to this castle.’ No, you saw her life before and her rescue.

I can’t low score Zac, I just can’t. Not Efron the man! Therefore, I’m giving 6/10 for bravery and hopefully it lead to better things for him!

Image reproduced from wikipedia.com
Trailer reproduced from Cieon Movies