London Life Coach & Relationship Expert Sloan Sheridan-Williams talks about dating, body language and finding Mr Right. Follow Sloan on Twitter @SloanSW_London and check out Sloan’s website www.sloansw.com
I am often asked by my clients â€“ â€œWhen meeting my potential partner for the first time, how do I know if he likes me or is the one?â€.
The clichÃ© answer given by most happily married couples is that you just know, but amongst the butterflies and the panic of what to say next, we can often miss the most obvious of signals. Below is a checklist of what to look out for to know whether it is worth moving on to a second date.
We have no doubt all been trapped in those conversations where the other person is waxing lyrical about what they think is a seemingly fascinating topic but it feels like watching paint dry to us. The key to checking if you are that person with the object of your affection (OyA) is as simple as watching whether his/her face drops or lights up as you are talking. The trick to keeping them interested is to continue on with the topics that make them more facially engaged in your conversation. You can then ask them questions, opening up their involvement. Make sure you steer away from any conversations that make them disengage or worse still turn their head when the slightest noise happens in attempt to the survey the room for their escape. Such an obvious signal is a clear indication to change the subject immediately.
It is easy to spot a potential new couple that is hitting it off as their body language becomes close or mirrored. However, when in the conversation with the OyA we often miss smaller cues. If his/her body is turning away or worse still they physically take a step back, this is a sign that you have lost their interest. This could be momentary â€“ do not fret, there is one last attempt to save such a situation. Divert all the attention back on him/her, firstly use their name and then ask a direct, personal and open ended question. If the OyA sinks back into conversation you have just saved yourself from a train wreck. Be careful to avoid whatever topic initiated that reaction and go for the close before they get distracted again. Swap phone numbers etc… leave them wanting more evoking the scarcity effect.
Many of us know open hands is a good sign, potentially indicating honesty, but the more important cue for you is to watch out for hand signals that mean the OyA is thinking. Such signs include playing with the wine glass, reaching for something from a table or mantelpiece, playing with a lighter or match etc… these signs show contemplation and thought. This is your cue that you have hit on a topic that interests your target and is a sign to slow down, ask questions and allow room for thought and engagement.
For those of you who have already mastered the more obvious signs above, the tell tale sign to see if the OyA is interested in you or at least your topic of conversation is the size of their pupils. If and when they enlarge you are on to a winner, however if they shrink or worse still glance away quickly change topic and although all is not lost, do not put all your eggs in this basket!
Good luck with your next conversations with someone you like!