Secrets and Lies

liesIs it ever ok to lie to your partner?

Ok so great big lies are never ok right?  But what if it is to save a relationship?  Let’s take the obvious one, if you have cheated and you’re in two minds about what to do.  Do you tell your partner and be honest or do you keep quiet and hope the les goes away?  This can depend on how bad the cheating really is.  Revealing a little kiss to your partner could be more trouble than it’s worth perhaps.  You were drunk, it was dark, it was over quickly and if you think back really hard it almost could not have happened.

Telling the truth can be detrimental to your relationship and could quite easily end up in a messy break up.  There’s the issue of trust, it can take months or years to build up again after a cheating scandal.  Now going further than a kiss, that’s a different story altogether.  If you don’t tell your partner then they are none the wiser and you can carry on with your relationship as normal.  Well except the fact that if you are a decent human being then deep down then you have to face the rest of your days wracked with guilt and dodging bars where you think your latest sleaze may be lurking.

Or do you tell all, do the right thing; get it over with and give your partner the respect they deserve.  Face your fear and reveal all to them because honesty really is the best policy.  Expect things to be thrown at you, possibly an angry break up to be had, followed by suddenly wishing that you had just kept quiet and lived with the guilt all along.

What about little lies you all tell to your partner (come on you know you do).  The ones about how delicious the dinner is they have slaved over.  Especially if they never cook, it is especially important to break out the white lie in this instance.  Telling the truth could lead to crushing confidence and them never attempting to cook for you again.  Chow it down and then next time they cook offer friendly tips, like stirring and seasoning next time.

‘No I didn’t drink that much babe honestly.’  What’s the point in telling him you had 3 bottles of wine in town last night?  He will only worry and imagine all sorts his head.  He knows how you get after a few wines when he’s with you, (loud and obnoxious mostly) Let alone when he’s not there, referring to the first reference is what he’s really thinking.

What about gifts that have come from the heart (and you wishing they had stayed there) ‘Oh darling I love this dress/top/shoes they’re so retro and Amish.’  I think in this instance it’s a judgement call.  It’s ok to lie once or twice to spare feelings.  Wear it Christmas day and then flog it on EBay a few months later.  However if this is a repeat offence then it’s time to step up and be a man.  Tell him you don’t like floral harem pants or clunky space heels, that it’s just not your style.  Yes he will be upset to start with perhaps, but it’s for the greater good.  If this behaviour still continues then ask for vouchers and repay him with something from the Bear Factory.

Based on the evidence I believe it can be OK in some circumstances to lie to your partner to spare feelings or to save an unnecessary argument.  If you know he’s going to kick off because you spent the housekeeping money on shoes, then slipping the money back next month doesn’t need to hurt anyone.  Eating his dodgy chili con carne is ok to do because you love him and you want him to cook sometimes.  However going to bed with another person, show you’ve got real problems.  So telling the truth and breaking up is probably the best thing to do all round.

Just make sure you duck when you see the space heels.

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About Rebecca Ripley

Rebecca is a blogger who spends her time writing about dating and relationships. She likes to draw on some of her friends dating faux pas and also writes about past relationship issues and current ones too. Rebecca often uses humour to make light of dating disasters and relationship no goes. She studied Film Studies with Women’s Studies at Gloucestershire University. Rebecca is an animal print fanatic and loves shoes. She enjoys hip hop, dancing and hanging out with her girlfriends.
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