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“I don’t like to be labelled as lonely because I am alone!” - Delta Burke
As suggested in part one, being single in your thirties can give rise to implied connotations, hidden disapproval and unexpected complications. Deeply immersed within an opinionated society, (and steadily swimming alongside fellow peers who have adhered to certain expectations), the happily single thirty-something may suddenly find herself drowning from the pressures of speculative questioning and flabbergasted facial expressions, every time her single status is discussed.
Red Carpet Vs. Painting the Town Red
Despite trends in the celebrity world where childbirth is now embarked upon later on in life and the furtive emergence of the sexy cougar, there is still an underlying buzz that surrounds the choice to remain single. Over the years, females such as Rachel McAdams, Tyra Banks and Mindy Kalm, have illustrated the possibility of achieving success and happiness, whilst remaining single. On the other hand, the average female who enjoys the perks of a thriving career and an occasional night out with her supportive network of friends, may still be caught in the trap of annoyingly having to justify her status and reassure the outside world that she is happy. Everyone seems to have an opinion, or harbour an element of curiosity when it comes to the single woman in her 30’s. At City Connect we continue to look at some of the real reasons behind this status.
Once Bitten Twice Shy?
On entering a room you exude the amount of poise, charisma and exuberance necessary to spontaneously approach strangers, or be a main speaker at a boardroom conference. Equipped with intelligence, charm and life experience, you may find that it is your cheekiness and directness that intimidates or scares of a date. Family members worry that you unnecessarily erect barriers with the opposite sex, you constantly make excuses as to why the last Wentworth Miller lookalike had very little potential and the world is of the opinion that you are unable to let your guard down to embrace potential happiness. Sadly, the concept of trust may be tarred by the serial cheating ex and the idea of love just a fallacy, owing to the partner who led a double life or the pretentious ex who had no intention of settling down.
The truth is…
We all know that future actions can be predetermined by past events and that we treat others in the manner in which we are accustomed to be treated. For most, the Rihanna song ‘Good girl gone bad’ resonates on a deeper level and there are those who are unable to differentiate between allowing another person to love them, and giving them the opportunity to hurt them again. However, you are open to the possibility of finding love and know that one bad egg does not necessarily contaminate the pack. You may come across hard to the outside world, but secretly you know that if the right man came along to crack your shell, you would happily allow him to melt your heart!
You are the ultimate romantic! Fortified with the tub of Haagen Daz ice-cream, box of tissues and comfortable slippers, you wholeheartedly throw yourself into the concept of finding true love. Sniffling at the moments in movies where timing is not quite right and rejoicing at the pivotal moment when cupid strikes; you are not willing to settle for anything less than perfect. You are confident that your knight in shining armour will sweep you off your feet, open car doors and shower you with romantic gestures. Whilst friends think you reside in an unrealistic bubble, you loyally stick to the idea that there is someone out there for everyone.
The truth is…
You believe that if waiting for the man who knows how to treat a lady right is being unrealistic, perhaps you really are not ready for a relationship. In your social circle, you secretly admire the men who possess the traits you desire, (so you know they do exist) and spend countless hours on the phone with distraught friends who have jumped into relationships with their eyes closed. Hugh Jackman may not knock at your door, but your letterbox will help filter the one night stands, from the one gentleman who will ring your bell in more ways than one!
We have all heard of the evolved New Age man that wears mascara, carries a man bag and spends more time than you in the bathroom. It is now time to embrace the 2013 woman who has been through the fire of relationship turmoil and spent a considerable amount of time to rehabilitate her body, heart, and spirit. During the process you have immersed yourself in another area of your life to distract, entertain and better yourself. As a result your ideas of marriage may have changed, you have become more independent and your man has to match the ambition, dreams and drive that you now possess.
Man! I Feel Like a Woman (Shania Twain)
Contrary to what most think, you are not a snob and your type of man is not the millionaire that can give you everything. Due to time out of the game, you are adjusting to new methods of dating, enjoying random experiences and gauging what the new you truly want from a relationship. Up until this point you may have been motivated by ambition, money or status and whilst you are comfortable being alone, you are happy to redefine your boundaries to allow the right man into your life. However, as you have waited this long, the right man has to be worth the sacrifice!
Meeting Mr Right can be difficult, regardless of what stage you are in life. So whether being single in your thirties is a clever guise for the woman who is set in her ways, holds unrealistic expectations, or simply an individual ‘who is strong enough to live and enjoy life, without depending on others,’ the debate continues!
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About the Author: Sarah James-Cyrus is a Civil Servant and a fervent freelance, willing to tackle a wide range of subject matter, her past articles have explored political debates to poignant teen issues. Past and current clients include Teen Caribbean online, Kush magazine, The South London Press, New Black Magazine, Precious Magazine and Flavour. She has also hosted her own show Brent Youth Radio and the UK Unsigned finals. Professionally, she would say she is a visionary, quite opinionated and not afraid to push boundaries. Follow Sarah on Twitter @illusionSJC