Picky, Faulty or Simply Unlucky – Part 1

With Beyonce’s undeniable vocal skill celebrating its benefits, alongside Ne-yo’s sexy tones highlighting the magnetic allure of them, the single woman in 2013 is largely considered as a physically autonomous and mentally powerful female, armed with abundant choices. However, despite glamorous examples of females, such as Kelly Rowland and January Jones, it seems that the once celebratory and supportive consensus, (that is enjoyed by most in their 20’s), gradually fades once individuals reach their thirties. Recent statistics illustrate that one in five women, in Britain, over 35 is single and childless, with numbers suggesting that women are more financially capable if they choose to marry later in life. Nevertheless, the single 30-something is still met with negative attitudes, stigmas and messages ingrained from childhood.

SJP as Carrie Bradshaw

SJP as Carrie Bradshaw

I don’t need a man!

The Pussycat Dolls confidently crooned about their ability to enjoy life without having someone to share it with, but do these lyrics reflect the true feelings of singletons? From a young age, we tend to set the thirties as a benchmark for that perfect job, 2.4 families, amorous relationships and stability. Braced for battle, we enter this decade with an increased sense of self awareness and anticipation, (which if single), appears to be unevenly matched with a suspected shrinking dating pool, increased personal responsibilities and a detachment to our previous social crowd, who have all settled down. Whilst there may not be any malicious intent; the raised eyebrows, shocked expressions and psychological questioning used to ascertain what is wrong with you, can be a little tedious.

Someone press the snooze button!

The antics of the notorious Sex in the City girls, alongside the infamously engaging and humorous journey of Bridget Jones, has provided years of inspiration and seemed to disassociate the assumption that being single later in life, is linked to feelings of loneliness, failure and melancholy.  Highlighting the fun of flirting, rejuvenating those belly butterflies and encouraging females to take more control in being the masters of their own destiny, (whilst the plots focused on finding true love), they gave females the encouragement to experiment and enjoy their status of being single.

Venus vs. Mars

Their effect just scratched the surface. As whilst you can openly drool over the mature eligible bachelors, (who have more time to play the field and enjoy the bachelor life with a prosperous career), in popular magazines, there is a distinct lack of the female equivalent. Instead this is replaced with constant reminders of how loud your body clock is ticking, scrutinising statements, sympathetic suggestions on how to date and offers to match make.

Why are you single?

This question alone can be uncomfortable for some singletons, but in order to dispel the stereotypes, or try to alleviate the pressures on 30-somethings looking for love, it has to be addressed. Everyone seems to have an opinion, so we at City Connect have decided to explore the stereotypes and stigmas that may give rise to the woman whose bad experiences, ambitious streak or personal preferences, prevent her from walking down the aisle!

Single Stunner!

From the outside world, you are extremely aesthetically pleasing! Blessed with amazing genes, never short of male attention and constantly receiving compliments, there is the immediate assumption that there has to be an inherent negative reason as to why you are still single. With a supposed line of dates at your door, you may be considered to be too picky, possess personality defaults, or have unrealistically high standards.  Family members will express their concerns, friends may be tempted to encourage you to settle with the last average date and the daily briefing at work may consist of some dating tips from fellow colleagues.

The truth is…

You have edited your perfect man requirement list and have made a conscious choice to entrust yourself to fate, rather than the pressures of society. You are not one for excuses, but maturity has given you an acute sense of consciousness. You are aware of your worth and would not purchase a wedding dress that you had reservations about simply because it fit you.

Reeling in the wrong fish?

You may have experienced quite a few relationships, but they all seem to come to the same ill-fated end. Friends can compose a physical e-fit of your potential beau and family members are able to list the traits you look for, simply because all your ex’s seem to be the same. You fall fast for the cheeky boy personality and furiously shrug off the composed intellect, preferring a rugged Vin Diesel, to a well groomed Paul Walker. To the outside world, you are your own worst enemy for refusing to open up your pool to other potentials.

The truth is…

You have dated a variety of different men, no longer base your ideal man on his superficial appearance and you are mature enough to understand that whilst men may physically possess similar components, they vary in substance. However, if you find that you are consistently complaining that your ex’s take financial advantage, never have enough time for you, or serially cheat, you may have to reassess your relationships and the part you play in them.

“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” (Sex and the City)

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About Sarah James-Cyrus

Sarah James-Cyrus is a Civil Servant and a fervent freelance, willing to tackle a wide range of subject matter, her past articles have explored political debates to poignant teen issues. Past and current clients include Teen Caribbean online, Kush magazine, The South London Press, New Black Magazine, Precious Magazine and Flavour. She has also hosted her own show Brent Youth Radio and the UK Unsigned finals. Professionally, she would say she is a visionary, quite opinionated and not afraid to push boundaries. Follow Sarah on Twitter @illusionSJC
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