Clearly from your question, you realise now isn’t the time for you to have a child. But it also sounds like you are not too far from your desired goal so well done for being so self-aware. They say that it is in a child’s best interest to be born into a safe, stable & nurturing relationship but you do not have to look too far to see that some celebs now show that single parenting is far more acceptable than 30 years ago.
I say this because I wish to stress it is not that you are single that makes me answer in the way that I am but, from what you have said so far, your desire to get pregnant may be tied to a need to recreate the mother-child bond you say you have missed. Perhaps the first step for you is to look into your current friendships and relationships and nuture these rather than looking for unconditional love in the wrong places.
My advice is to read some self-esteem/confidence books and realise that you are perfect just the way you are. Then gradually work on trusting just one or two of your closer friends with the little things until you realise that you are a capable individual that has a lot to offer in the world and likewise some of your friends are too.
When this all clicks, I am sure you will attract a partner that makes you happy and you will no doubt be a wonderful mother. Your past does not have to be your future. You would not drive your car looking only in the rear view mirror so there is no need to run your life like that. Take the leap of faith and watch your desires come true. Anything is possible – you just have to believe.
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