“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.”(Stephen R.Covey)
It seems as though, we have lost the secret ingredient enjoyed by the older generation and replaced it with less fulfilling casual relationships and our ever changing views of marriage.
Most people are happy to be entertained with the drama that surrounds others, but very reluctant to partake in it, so they psychologically opt for enchanting relationships, hoping for love and longevity.
Unfortunately, this can have a negative impact on the choices made within the dating process, due to the superfluous pressure and heightened expectations we place on others when searching for the ‘one.’
There are a few of us that are either serial daters, (callously brushing off anyone who fails to meet expectations, whilst patiently waiting for that ‘special connection),’ or those who find themselves continuously falling at the last hurdle and plagued with the ‘what went wrong’ question. If after a few dates, you find yourselves mutually attracted, but still remain sceptical; here are a few things you should consider to assist with the progression and durability in your new relationship.
Have Fun Challenging Myths and Stereotypes
The dynamics in a relationship vary according to the individuals in it. Whilst your friend may shy away from dating a particular type of guy, you should not let opinions or negative connotations stop you from dipping your toes if you feel that attraction.
Despite the myths, there should be no rules of who approaches who, or how many days you have to wait before calling a potential beau; everyone is different. Confidence coupled with fortitude can be very attractive, but it is far more important to focus on how you conduct yourself, rather than how you are perceived by others.
A lady asking probing questions, (to satisfy her curiosity), will always be better received than the female who pretends to possess a halo, but is easily coaxed into bed.
Location, Location, Location
The initial stages within the dating process should be used as period of exploration. What you choose to do together should provide some insight as to the kind of person you are dating, whilst giving you that much needed time to enjoy each other’s company.
Unless you want your relationship to primarily consist of sexual contact; be smart and try to stay away from conceding to the second date in the bedroom. A healthy sex life with the right person can be amazing, but if it is a long term relationship you are looking for, it is important to find that balance so that sex is presented more as the tempting desert rather than the main course.
Square Peg in a Round Hole?
Compatibility is something that is often overlooked. It is often thought that once you locate the man with an amazing sense of humour, or the female who challenges your intellect that this element will fall into place.
It’s importance become pivotal when you look at the recent breakups of celebrities, such as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, or Katie Price and Leandro Penna, (where the location of the family home and complete disregard of culture, lifestyle and family life), led to the rapid deterioration of these relationships.
Differences allow people to maintain their identities, whilst encouraging healthy relationships, but it is imperative to have mutual shared interests. Individuals are often presented with signs that could later lead to ‘irreconcilable differences’ in a divorce, so take heed of that light bulb moment.
Don’t Let Your Past Haunt You
Ill-informed opinions, quick judgements and past experiences can often lead to bad decisions and it is not uncommon to hear singletons sending warning singles to others about the individual who comes to a relationship with ‘baggage.’
This is probably one of the hardest principles to enforce, but you should try not to compare the words and actions of an individual, with that of another and also remember that we all carry some luggage around with us to some extent.
Whilst gut feelings can avoid love triangles, (such as the infamous ‘Bradgate’ saga with Jenifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie), secretly checking up on him and raiding her pockets, will inevitably take away that trust and lead to devastating consequences.
Know Who You Are and What You Want
On the first few dates, we are all guilty of putting on a facade to impress the other person. Every woman dreams of that complimentary man, who showers her with flowers and remembers to open the car door, whilst most men are drawn to the woman who glows when talking about multi-tasking her adventurous side with her cooking.
However, as time progresses, flaws will start to surface and honesty comes into play. You may not want to come across picky, but if you cannot do a long distance relationship, you should say so. If the idea of spending an afternoon in the pub with his friend terrifies you, you may have to give him the red card.
Although you should try to steer clear of making comparisons, if that person does not compliment the individual you are, (or simply has greater priorities), now is the best time to realise that. People love ambition, but very few realise that in order to achieve, you have to sacrifice.
If you are not happy to slot into his timetable, then maybe it is best that just remain friends. Bear in mind that ‘you may have to meet a few wrong ones before you can appreciate the right one.’ Set your standards but balance them with your expectations.
In summary, dating should be an enjoyable rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, ranging from the butterflies of excitement and flirty phone conversations, to that first sensual touch and realisation that you are falling for that person.
Enjoy yourselves as a couple, embrace new experiences and take comfort in the fact that long term happy marriages do exist; you just have to look at the marriage of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward for proof.
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