When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. (Deepak Chopra)
The start of a new year always brings about reflection, new ambitions and inspired action to achieve more. As a result, most will initiate diet’s, insist on physical check –up’s and tend to the maintenance of material goods. However, just as your Peugeot or Mazda is significantly easier to start, than to maintain, a lot of us tend to overlook the regular MOT that a long term relationship requires to guarantee longevity. To ensure that you won’t have to mask personality clashes or boredom as ‘irreconcilable differences’ down the line, here are some common ‘bad habits’ that may plague a flourishing relationship if not tended to.
Replace that Dressing Gown and Slippers with Some High Heels
He has seen you in the morning in your natural state, encouraged you to push during childbirth and tended to your every whim when you had flu; it is human nature to be comfortable in his presence. However, whilst familiarity can enhance your intimate connection, it can also encourage self-neglect, insecurity and loneliness. Sadly, these symptoms, (if neglected), can lead to diminished sexual attraction, impertinence, infidelity and contempt. The only way to combat this is to make that effort to devote time to each other, (and not just at the breakfast table over a coffee and paper).
Spontaneity is key and people revel in positive attention and reassurance. So whether it is a surprise text or a ‘date night,’ let them know that you value the intimate moments you share. Ditch that teddy bear gown and spice things up with something more alluring from Ann Summers. Strengthen that bond by suggesting an exhilarating activity (like a charity sky dive), or perhaps a day out devoted to something he has a passion for. Focus on your potential journey together, spicing it up with acts of pleasurable entertainment and impulsive affection!
Why Don’t We Talk Anymore?
Women hold talk groups, authors produce books and the media is infiltrated with programmes packed with advice on how to overcome this problem. Whilst it is common knowledge that communication is one of the fundamental pillars to a successful relationship, it still remains a weakness in so many partnerships. We all have the ability to talk, but the problem seems to remain in how we use it. Open displays of affection on social networks may be cute, but they can also disguise fundamental issues and difficulties. In the same way, sarcasm and raised intonations can negate ones good intention if overridden by rage.
Whilst that sense of humour might get you through the hard times, it is just as important to allocate time to discuss mutual issues. Talking is just another means of engaging that other person and giving them attention. Compliments can bring a smile, but showing an interest in your partner’s day and verbally appreciating the little things, can have a greater effect.
Whether it was a new job, move of residence or the birth of a beautiful baby, we are all subjected to change. For most, it is viewed positively as a sign of growth, progression and happiness, but it can also lead to power struggles, jealously and the slow deterioration of solid foundations. Celebrity couples such as Kiefer Sutherland and Siobhan Bonnouvier have ‘blamed transition’ for their breakup, whilst the birth of a baby at a young age was listed as an added pressure to the relationship of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson.
There is clearly a significant difference in change for the individual, as opposed to a couple. Whilst we all expect consistent progression from the first date to the proposal, we still have difficulty adapting and accepting differences when having to face challenges alongside others. Team work and really knowing your partner is important. Change brings expansion, but similar to a computer game; once you enter another stage, it is inevitable that you will encounter new and unexpected obstacles. Don’t give up, learn from your mistakes and tackle those obstacles together!
Please Can I Have Some More?
We all know what we ultimately want in life and at a young age we are told to have high aspirations and dreams of owning ridiculously expensive material goods. However, as we grow, our expectations seem to remain unrealistic.
Not content, we venture outside the box to view the relationships of others and begin that self destructive journey of wishing for more. However, just as items you buy have warnings and directions; ‘Beware of the Teaser and be realistic!’ Your rose tinted view of happiness may just be yet another facade leading to a road of resentment, infidelity and melancholy, because ultimately every relationship will be tested. The partnerships that exude longevity and strength are not the ones filled with sexual escapades and spontaneous jaunts, but the ones that have overcome difficulties and have grown together because of them.
Forgetting the Reasons Why You Fell in Love
The discarded socks and position of the toilet seat may now be a pet peeve, but how can you compare that to the heart warming smile and charismatic personality that you first fell in love with? As time elapses, certain quirks that initially attracted you, can turn to slight irritations once you get to know your other half. It is natural for boredom to set in after years of being with one person, but couples such as Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, as well as the notorious Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are testaments to the fact that it is possible to overcome and conquer. No one has the secret to a successful marriage, (as it is clear that one size does not necessarily fit all), but it is obvious that continuous nurturing, support and adaption are imperative to encourage growth together. Love and trust may be pillars, but constructively enjoying each other’s presence is what will keep them standing.
Let’s face it, most long term relationships take a completely different guise once the honeymoon period is over. Whilst the position you advertised for may have been filled, your journey together is now crammed with unexpected events and changing priorities that may challenge the foundations to the idyllic life you imagined. Don’t fall at the negativity post and accept that red card, because these are just common mistakes that can be rectified with spontaneity, endurance and a little bit of creativity.
Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing. (Jim Rohn)
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