Episode 8 of Made in Chelsea depicted a common aspect of Chelsea life which is therapy / life coaching / success coaching. Unfortunately the way the show depicted his life [...]
Having a conversation with a friend the other day….it opened with ‘I don’t do nice -can’t handle men that put me on a pedestal’. I smiled because actually that’s true, an almost mirror reaction of my thoughts.
So how nice, is nice?…. Well my friend got home from work the other evening to discover that her beau who had already been there an hour had vacuumed and cleaned everywhere …she said that her kitchen work surfaces had never looked so de-cluttered and clear. Her reaction, I can just imagine ….she walked in, was greeted with ‘cup of tea?’ as she observed the actions of her man. The only thing going through her head was, calm! calm! You didn’t ask him to do it; he took it upon himself to undertake the Mr Mop role…and so begrudgingly she thanked him – no sex that night though!
This brings me back to the question of how nice can a man be before they overstep the very finite line of ‘too nice’? Well, it’s a difficult one and I certainly wouldn’t want to be in their predicament.
If you remember a previous article was entitled ‘three good things on a plate’ which explored rules of combination and what a woman wanted from a man. Being treated like a princess and spoilt occasionally and spontaneously in terms of having dinner cooked, date nights and having baths run for them is all within the parameters of nice but not too nice. Doing everything for them, fussing around and constantly vying for affection and craving attention are not.
An example after not seeing each other for a number of weeks (yeah commitments and geography), my friend and her man finally got it together again. Within 15 minutes they were in the bedroom and he said ‘I have a present for you’! Now knowing what men are like in that situation, a man saying I have a present for you in the bedroom, my friend automatically thought, yeah right here we go, lol! But then with that, he left and returned with a pearl and jade necklace that he clasped around her neck and made a reference to her being treated like a princess. Too nice, actually no! because what followed demonstrated that yeah he was thoughtful and sweet and kind but also he could be assertive too …Jekyll and Hyde – am not jealous at all.
So this concept of too nice …does there have to be a rulebook or guidance, because again depending upon the mood that day, a woman could tolerate the too nice element more than on other days. I can only speak from my friends experiences, but a man that constantly asks ‘are you ok?’ or even worse ‘wuu2′– not good, too generic, likely response ‘am fine’! A man that asks how are you, how is your day going is considered to have more thought application and will evoke a more tailored response. A man that tries to please and is agreeable and open to all suggestions – not good, will provoke the woman into pushing the boundaries to the far outer limits in the hope of getting challenged and possibly even denied in the request made. If that doesn’t work, go for the threesome suggestion – two men (one of course younger and very fit) and see if he is still agreeable. I could digress here as the thought of a 27 year old, French accented 6’1 marketing manager from Harrow ….very fit interested only in older women enters my thoughts - let me know if you want a number …happy to divulge! Ok, back to men and their idiosyncrasies involving niceties ….. A Mr Mop is not attractive …. Too nice and squeaky clean but then neither is Mr Slob.
So, the rulebook for men that are walking this very thin tightrope, trying to maintain their balance, what can I suggest? Well! be communicative (scores big) not too generic, be agreeable sometimes but also challenge and stimulate the mechanics of a woman’s mind. Be attentive but no pedestal all the time, be spontaneous and surprise her. Be assertive, make decisions, tell her sometimes ‘this is what I want’, ‘this is what I expect’ don’t let her get away with things all the time, man-up and say no! Three good things on a plate – remember it, I smiled the other night when it was declared that a friend of mine’s boyfriend had declared this to be cocktails, blow jobs and threesomes ….not sure how long that relationship will last! Be considerate around the house but not anal, compliment her when its due and not because you think she needs to hear it or because you want the three good things on a plate. Make her feel secure, talk about the future and let her see that you are committed. Finally don’t be afraid to be yourself, if you’re a genuinely nice guy but shielding this bad boy persona because you think she wouldn’t be agreeable …trust me she will!
One last thing in terms of being ‘too nice,’ women ….again from experience like their man to be assertive and take control in certain areas, excite them. So…..if you want sex, think on.
You might have done the Mr Mop thing and cleaned the kitchen, but as soon as she steps through the door FFS, mess it up again! Kitchens have this duality and cooking only fits one of the functionalities.
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About the Author: Sharon Yull is an academic, researcher, business consultant and published author of over twenty business and computing books and publications.She is qualified with a BSc, MSc, HND in Business and Finance, PGCE, Fellow of the Institute for Learning and also an Associate of the Assessors Institute. Sharon enjoys reading, swimming, outdoor pursuits, theatre, music and travelling. She is an inherent romantic always there to offer support, guidance and a shoulder to cry or laugh on.