Film Review: The Host

The Host
The Host is another work of art by Stephanie Meyer of Twilight fame. The main plot is ‘nice’ aliens are taking over humanity by living inside them, so the body becomes ‘the host’. (Not sure what’s nice about that!)

When they get the host, their eyes become bright, so there’s no mistaking when someone has been caught! However our heroine Melanie Stryder survives the procedure and fights the alien put inside her. Now this is bad news for the main leader – called ‘Seeker’ (Diane Kruger).

The Seeker unhappy that Melanie has survived, wants to put the ‘Wanderer’ into another body and put herself in Melanie. But Melanie helps Wanderer escape, but they’re the same? So who is helping who??? Melanie/Wanderer is now looking for the last band of humanity which contains her boyfriend, brother and Uncle.

To be honest, I got a little lost in this film. With the ‘is she Melanie or not?’ plot. Her brother and boyfriend take turns in trying to get Melanie to the fore or ask the host to release Melanie. To confuse matters the ‘Wanderer’ falls for another boy. So now she’s being romantic with another.

Perhaps Stephanie Meyer thinks the formula of boy meets girl, girl gets an alien parasite planted inside, girl finds boy, boy tries to get alien out of girl, alien in girl finds another hottie, boy punches hottie, is a sure fire success. But with so many twists I couldn’t keep up – by the end I didn’t care whether Melanie, now dubbed ’Mela-ninny’, was herself or a schizoid alien hybrid who developed a craving for nachos covered in jelly and bananas!

Plus the not so subtle touches for an alien race that’s bent on world domination didn‘t help. A tattoo/mark on the upper arm, chest or back might have given bigger suspense. With bright eyes and personality transplants, they might as well wear billboards ‘I’M AN ALIEN! GET OVER IT!’

Also the leader needed a more sinister name than ‘Seeker’. And I wouldn’t have any of her crew that’s for sure! ‘Numpties R Us’ had a riot trade supplying her with the village idiots. For a superior alien race, I was expecting at least a couple of sensible beings. Asking them to do anything independently is akin to giving the children from Outnumbered free reign. (Although the former would at least have amusing results!)

I think again, a lack of a big name in the main trio didn’t help. Saoirse Ronan as Mela-ninny was wishy washy at best. There’s no way a girl that’s a size zero, could last long in a desert or escape. All the ‘Seeker’ had to do to stop her was snap in her half.

Her brother Jamie is played by Chandler Canterbury, who was okay but great movies are not done by ‘okay’. Jared Howe played the boyfriend Jared. Slightly better, he did show more emotion but the number of times he kept asking ‘Is Melanie in there?’ was so darn frustrating I wanted to yell ‘No, there’s an alien inside her stupid!’. Clearly Melanie was not drawn to him for his brains.

It reminded me of a scene from Victoria Wood’s comedy show. ‘Kimberley have you seen her?’ Remember that? I thought that might have been funny to put in the film! The guy wearing a beret and orange mac like Wood saying, ‘Melanie, have you seen her?’

William Hurt (Lost in Space/Hulk) played Mela-ninny’s uncle and was sadly unable to save it.

The car chases were nothing amazing. The sub plot of Mela-ninny/Wanderer finding out some one (an uncle of one of the other human survivors) performs experiments on extracted hosts was predictable and dull. What is this Law and Order? Now it’s a moral issue???

The love scenes were plain. I’ve seen more steam from my wall paper remover machine! The resonance of Bella and Edward from Twilight was strong, but this couple were so weak, even Steve Zodiac and Dr Venus from Fireball XL5 could beat them!

Now do the voices for Fireball XL5 when you watch this, it’s much better.
‘Gee, is Melanie in there? This sure isn’t boss.’ Jared asks dancing around like a puppet.
‘Oh I don’t know Jared, I just feel so very tired. I need to sleep. Feed Zoonie for me.’
Zzzzzzzzzzzz….

This rubbish gets 3/10 from me. I’m off to watch Twilight. A REAL couple!

Image reproduced from wikipedia.com
Trailer reproduced from YouTube / ENTV

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About Erzi Paris

Erzi Paris lives in London and loves writing, going to the theatre and watching films. Always abreast of celebrity news, his biggest hope is to be a reporter. He likes keep-fit too. His favourite authors are Michael Crichton, JK Rowling, Suzanne Collins and Rosalind Miles.

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