The Anti Valentines

For those of you who know me, you will know how this article is going to go.  As Valentines draws closer and closer I can see the glint in my friend’s eyes.  The hopes and dreams they excite of, candlelit dinners, red roses, marks and spencer’s dine in for 2, followed by a piece of jewellery if their very lucky.  For weeks before it’s the advertising, the pre-ordering of roses and booking of tables.  Valentines is there to apparently show couples how in love they are with each and other and how much they can show it, at a price of course.  If you’re single on the other hand, you can forget it.  It’s a night in with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and Bridget Jones (again).

Couples are subjected to a so called whirlwind of romance and flurries of flowers from their partners.  For that one day the social scene stops and all takes a look at couples and who can outdo each other in the romance stakes.  From dinner and a movie to a weekend away in Paris with Girardeau.  A classic valentine’s move is a romantic dinner for two at your favourite restaurant.  I mean I love a romantic meal with my beloved as much as the next person.  I just don’t want to be enjoying it with the whole restaurant enjoying it for all the same reasons.  Everyone eating from the same set menu and drinking the cheap prosecco that they couldn’t shift at Christmas is not what I deem romantic.  I mean you don’t even get a day off of work for it!  You have to spend 8 hours with your boss compiling a spread sheet on the most romantic day of the year.

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The idea of Valentines actually fills me with dread and exaggerated eye rolling, perish the thought.    For the first 3 years of my relationship by boyfriend was so confused thinking it was a trick, that he booked a table for us the first year, (post eye rolling and cringe).  Instead of being a good and gracious girlfriend and accepting the invitation of a free dinner; I swiftly told him to go and unbook the table, as I was not going to be sat in a room of other ‘nauseating’ couples’.  Poor bloke they probably thought he’d been dumped when unbooking said table.  He was left confused and on edge for the remainder of the evening.

Being in a couple on 14th February I try and just dodge the limelight of the whole one up man ship on who has the ‘best’ boyfriend for one night only.  Luckily my boyfriend works away so I shall remain alone on Valentine’s Day.  The only thing I have to look forward to on Valentines is pity looks and people feeling sorry for me.  (Which I’m fine with by the way).

Now there are the uber romantics who choose to get married on Valentine’s Day.  It may sound romantic for some; it’s a day for hearts and flowers.  However having to share your anniversary with the rest of the world kind of loses it individuality for the star crossed lovers in mind.  Never again will you be able to enjoy a meal out on your anniversary, without there being a tirade of Italian waiters in cheap suits trying to romance you with £5 roses.

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As much as I am the Anti-Valentines of February doom, there isn’t anything more exciting and ego pumping than getting a bunch of flowers from a secret admirer.  I can safely say for that year and that year only I embraced Valentines.  Receiving a phone call from my mum to say a bunch of red roses had been delivered to my house, was the single most ego lifting moment of my life.  A stranger delivering roses to my house, he must have been totally in love with me of course.  However I was much younger and much more easily impressed back then.  Turns out it was an ex-boyfriend trying to rekindle my heart.  Needless to say it didn’t work but top marks for effort.

If you want to impress me or any other Anti-Valentine’s Day girls, (because I know there’s more of us out there).  Then don’t follow the crowd and copy the other 6 million men out there.  Book a table sporadically, get us some flowers on a whim and cook dinner for us one day.  Just leave the 14th out of it.

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Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World: Part 2

Now on top of flirting, playing it cool and trying to feel empowered all at the same time there is a little media foreplay added to the mix.  Camera phones, Skype and Facebook.  Whatever did we do without all of these media mixes?  We can talk to guys on-line without even having to meet them.  We can flirt, chat and see each other without even having to go on a real date.

The dating world has changed as more and more media aids are being brought out.  The need for discretion is completely disregarded after a couple of wines at home messaging a man you met on-line.  Personally it is not something that I would become involved in, as I am older and wiser and understand that lurid pictures can and will eventually end up in the wrong hands or worse on tin-ter-net!

I think women who are little older will understand this and will be more cautious as to what pictures go into who’s hands.  However what if you are a younger woman just starting out in the dating world and this proves to be the norm.

The way in which teenagers are dating is much different say 10 years ago.  Girls as young as 12 and 13 are having full on sex.  As I am researching this I am shaking my head like a mother would at her daughters choice of Friday night attire!  Girls of 13 having sex tsk tsk!  But really it wasn’t like that when I was younger.  I knew some girls who were sexually active very young but it was with their boyfriend and that was it.  But even then at age 12 and 13 is was extremely shocking and were not considered to be very nice girls (ahem).

Sending naked pictures to people is something of the norm these days, especially for teenagers. It’s just all to easy to do, what with Bluetooth, Facebook, camera phones and Skype. It seems that before teenagers even go on dates with each other they want to see the ‘goods’ first. It’s like nothing is a mystery when it comes to dating and teenagers. Some young girls have boyfriends that they have just starting going out with and before they even gone out they are sending naked pictures to each other! I have a teenage brother who will regularly receive naked pictures from girls he is either dating or who he has not even met! He says its normal and its harmless and that no one is getting hurt.

I do believe that there is a pressure for both these boys and girls. I think there is a pressure on these boys from their peers to get girls to send them pictures. Also I think there is certainly a pressure from these girls to send pictures out to these boys. If at a younger age girls are being pressurised into sending explicit pictures to boys it maybe just another way that the dating world has evolved. I’m not saying that I agree with it and I certainly wouldn’t encourage my son or daughter to be a part of that. However with all this new technology it’s difficult for teenagers not to experiment with these things. I think it can lead to the wrong impression but these boys need to stop asking for naked pictures and these girls need to learn to say no to giving them if they don’t want them leaked into the internet. Please read more: https://topdatingreviews.net/review/victoriabrides/

 

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Pregnant and on the Pull

Proactive or Perverse? There seems to be a rise in the amount of pregnancy dating sites now broadcast on the internet.  It seems to be the next trending thing on the market.  No longer are pregnant singles content with being left to sit with buckets of ice cream and cankle city.  They are out there looking for love with Mr Right or Mr Right Now.  The sites are quite open and explain how wonderful it is to be pregnant and what a special time this is for you and your baby.  They explain how difficult it can be to meet people whilst your pregnant and this site will help you do that.  Whether it’s a baby daddy your after or something a bit more casual then these sites are geared towards that.  They are just like regular dating sites but designed specifically for pregnant women.

Now personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to date if you are pregnant, you still have the same desires and needs as a non-pregnant woman.  What does worry me is the type of clientèle which might be inclined to use these sites.  Men who specifically want to date pregnant women, is slightly too fetish like for me.  The men who are trawling these sites are specifically looking for pregnant women.  This is much different than meeting a woman in a bar/café and then finding out she is pregnant.  Being pregnant and single I would worry me that the men on these sites were specifically turned on by my precious baby bump.  Some men are only going to be interested or turned on while your getting bigger.  Happy to sleep with you all the time you’re pregnant and then have no interest in you once the baby is here and you are bump-less.  What would also concern me is that another man is happy to have sex with a woman who has already been impregnated by another man.  It all feels a little bit too sordid for my liking.

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However of course there is always a flip side to any argument.  There are some men on the site who genuinely want to meet pregnant women because they are ready for a family.  It maybe that they have not have had any luck dating non pregnant women in the past.  It may be that they are looking for a ready-made family and are more than happy to bring up another man’s child (before he or she has even been born).  The benefits of meeting someone who is already pregnant is that you don’t need to date them for a year and then wait another year for them to get pregnant and have the child.  As a man you may be more than happy to have the ready-made family, especially if you are a little bit older and time is not on your side.

I can’t imagine this is an ideal situation for anyone, I can’t imagine anyone would want to be pregnant and single.  Being pregnant is such a wonderful time and ideally would be shared with a partner.  However not everyone is that fortunate to have that in their lives, relationships break down or pregnancy happens after a one night encounter.  These dating sites are designed to offer a solution for these pregnant women.  It’s never going to be easy trying to date as a pregnant woman, trying to detract the genuine nice guys from the freaks who just want to grab your bump and leave you once the baby actually gets here.

It’s something that’s becoming more and more socially apt, the dating sites have proved that.  I’m not sure it’s something I would delve into if I was in that situation.  I would be personally be too worried about my prospective dates intentions.  I think it’s easy enough to put dating on hold for a few months while you’re harbouring a child and just to concentrate on giving your child a good home while he or she is growing inside you.  And who wants to do a first date sober anyway.

The Thin Line Between Love and Lust

In this era of technology, flashy phones and social networking, instant friendships have come to form an important part of the fabric of our youth. Many young people, at one time or another, believe they are truly in love even if with someone they hardly know. Can young adults really find true love this young? Or do they just see the love side of the coin while the lust side lurks in the dark?

Although we surround ourselves with advancing robotics as the age of technology progresses, the traditional image of love is something which has managed to stay true; however with the internet literally at our finger tips, publicising relationship has become a norm amongst our generation of young lovers. Receiving ‘likes’, ‘comments’ and ‘retweets’ in return for the intimacy shared with our ‘true loves’ has made the concept of ‘puppy love’ more and more tedious and with the number of social networks that bombard the internet now days the it’s not hard to see why.

Social networks in particular have become a foundation for most relationships young and old, making the façade of love claims easier. The quick transition in and out of relationships that occur with young people today examples how easy it can be for us to mistake a lustful relationship for the real deal. Pressures of media and peers add up to more than few of us avidly claiming that he/she were THE ONE… of many. (2673th time lucky)

All in all, as fashionable as being in love or shall I say lust is, heartbreak is on a popular rise. It’s not hard to come across numerous post, tweets and blogs dedicated to a broken heart. Is this just ironic proof that true love is something that the youth of today just can’t find, and with the constant involvement of technology, is this to blame?

Some may say at such a temperamental age where our hormones run wild is it even possible to feel heartbreak when we can barely feel love. Victims of a heartbreak at a young age may protest this notion; however as we move on and realise that what we had was far from love and nothing more than a burst of hormones, we’re left thinking the same way.

It seems as though the capability of loving and finding your true love is something that comes with an older age, experience and even an era perhaps? ‘You’re too young to know what love is’ but it’s not the same feeling we have for our cats and dogs … so what do we feel… lust?

The thin line between love and lust is a thin as we interpret it surely. You can’t explain how you feel but you know how to feel it, which is what love is… right? BUT is it ever possible for young adults of today to really connect with each other and find true love in the same ways of our parents meeting at such tender ages, or just passionately crave our naive counterparts. In a generation where publicity is the new private, finding a true love is something that won’t come as easy to us as it did our seniors.

Adverts for dating sites, advertise love at first sight. Boy meets girl and they interact… IN PERSON. So long story short potential consumers, go ONLINE and find your perfect match. It’s a double standard!

Perhaps the ability to meet people so much easier through the power of the internet is what blurs and distorts the young image of love/lust, most won’t know till it’s over but how can you blame us!

Love sees no age but it is something that lies beyond the depth of a mushy text or ‘changed relationship status’ on the book of faces. As young adults we owe ourselves more privacy, understanding and maturity to find a balance between love and lust in order to find our true loves.

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Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World

I remember asking my nan about dating and relationships and how she and my granddad got together.  It was a completely different world back then.  The men would pick up the women from their houses up with no less than a bunch of flowers.  Normally having to have the awkward conversation with the dad (still do sometimes).  The evening would then commence would with a trip to the movies and then for fish and chips on the promenade afterwards (weather permitting).  Of course he would pay and there would be no grey areas about that (not like these days).  These days it’s kind of down to the bloke to pay but you have to always make sure that you offer and that you actually have enough cash on you in case he (shock) doesn’t pay!  Afterwards back then he would walk you home and thank you for joining him.  Maybe a peck on the cheek if he was lucky but definitely not on a first date, I think things were much simpler back then.  It all seemed much more innocent back then, I mean when you dated someone you only dated one person.  There was no chance of trying to date his brother too!  Or dating someone else at all.  Not like these days where women like to keep their options open now, and it is encouraged to date more than one man at a time.  I encourage my friends to do it in all honesty.  I tell them until they know they are really keen on each other, then to keep their options open.

Back then it was the men who did all the asking and if you agreed to go out on a date you wouldn’t date anyone else in between.  It was just not the done thing.  The men did the asking and people only dated one person at a time.  What was also different was women’s approach to sex.  I think men’s have always been similar, try to get as much as possible whenever possible!  No matter what decade it is!  However women years ago sex was something a lot of women waited until married and if not married were defiantly in a secure relationship.  Not like now where women’s approach to sex can be seen as more masculine these days.  Not waiting as long to sleep with a man, having one night stands and threesomes are not uncommon these days (but that’s another blog altogether).  Getting hammered and having a one night stand is seen as the norm these days.  It’s almost part and parcel for some girls on a night out.  If they haven’t pulled then the night was just not worth it!

Women’s priorities have changed when it comes to dating.  When women go out on dates their not looking for potential suitors or men that they necessarily want to marry as soon as they meet them.  (Ok so some women are).  They are looking for someone who can make them laugh, treat them nicely and someone who can take them out for fish and chips (maybe).  The way in which women have dated has changed, because women’s priorities have changed.  Women don’t all want or need to be married at age 20, in fact its completely frowned upon now at that age!  There are more important things to think about like travelling, careers and friendships. This is why the rules have dating have changed is because women’s need for dating has changed.  Yes sometimes all women want is a man for 6 hours of the night and not the rest of her life.  As long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is practising this safely then we need not worry.  The dating world will just keep evolving before we know it having 2 or 3 partners at a time will be the norm! (Ok maybe not?!).

Give me an F!

What is it about men and the F Word? And by that I mean Feelings. Why are we unable to get an emotion out of a guy? Is it something they are born with, or something they learn over Xbox and packets of pork scratchings. Trying to get an emotion out of a guy is like trying to muffin top yourself into those size 6 jeans. As long as you wear a long top, some heels and large accessories nobody will know that the button mark has now indented itself onto your belly button.

It’s the same with blokes, if they don’t talk about it its not really there. If a guy has a problem then it’s a case of doing everything they possibly can not to deal with it. They’ll go for a drink, wash the car or play Xbox. They seem to have no problem with bottling those demons about work, friends or relationships up. It’s us girls that’s that want to wrench it out of them, like a teenager with too much ache. Pick, pick, pick we go until all the venom is out of you.

Half the time the problem is not even with you and it lies with us. If us girls have a problem we like to talk it through with our girlfriends, get a 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinion from the barmaid after one too many chardonnays. We need to seek advice from our nearest and dearest and that includes you boys too. Don’t get me wrong, nobody likes an emotional wreck of a girlfriend; boohooing because Billy Mitchell ‘just can’t catch a break’. Or because your best mate said those jeans are in fact too tight for you. Nevertheless we girls need a little TLC from our boyfriends sometimes.

When we are seen to be slumped in the other room watching re runs of How I Met Your Mother, necking a large glass of vino; know that popping your head around the bedroom door with a “You ok babe?” and walking off is never going to suffice. Ignoring us will only anger us and we will be forced to plot ways to hurt your Xbox in our dreams. To be ignored is like being dragged past Kurt Geiger in a hurry because “you don’t need another pair of shoes”. It’s because we think that you don’t care, when deep (deep) down we know you do. We don’t need a rendition of A Midsummer Nights Dream (complete with feather hat and quill)… trust me we have no delusions of grandeur here. Just for you to listen, smile, nod along and put your arm around us and tell us it’s ok.

Boys would rather run into the arms of the public house than see us girls upset, not because you don’t care but because you don’t know how to handle us. Having an emotional conversation with your girlfriend is about as appealing as sitting through the opera. Long winded, tearful and sometimes high pitched.

We are simple creatures really… honest. We don’t bite but we may cry a bit. Just don’t mention our muffin top!

What is Considered Cheating?

The definition of infidelity (according to Wikipedia) Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) most commonly refers to a breach of an expectation of sexual and or emotional exclusivity expressed or implied in an intimate relationship.

So the definition states that to cheat is to have an affair whether it be emotional or sexual within an intimate relationship.  I agree with that definition that to cheat is to become involved in an intimate relationship.  I also agree that this can be classed as sexual or emotional.  We all know what sexual infidelity is; making out with the local playboy after one too many Jagerbombs.  However what constitutes as emotional infidelity.  Is it being in love with someone, a little flirting with a work colleague or few flirty texts to a friend of yours?

We all know that a full on rendezvous back to his place is classed as cheating well unless you people are in open relationships (that’s another article).  Also that full blown affairs of the heart are normally classed as a big no no.  Sleeping with another man or woman who isn’t your partner is the ultimate in cheating behaviour.  We’ve all been drunk and in situations we’d rather forget with people we’d rather of never met!  Going out with the girls and getting so drunk that you claim you didn’t know what you were doing is one way of looking at kissing someone you shouldn’t have.  You did something that you shouldn’t do and most probably feel really bad for it.  Snogging someone is one thing, but is a kiss on the lips the same as kissing someone with tongues? A kiss on the lips can either be a quick peck or it can be long and lingering and can be just as damaging to your relationship as the proverbial peck.  I think many people would justify a kiss with no tongues as it’s not intimate right?  I kiss my mum and my best friend on the lips, I don’t use my tongues so surely its not cheating?  I think it all boils down to how you feel afterwards, if there is a pang of guilt attacking your heart then it is probably something you should speak to your partner about.

What about girls kissing girls?  Is that still cheating?  Or a bit of fun that your boyfriend wouldn’t mind being involved with, (and possibly sorry that he actually missed it).  Not very long ago I was chatting to a girl in a club and she clearly took my compliments about her tattoos as an opening to come and checkout what I’d had for breakfast because she full on lunged at me and kissed me.  I was in total shock, that’s not to say I didn’t kiss her back!  It was fun but not something I had initiated and would probably never initiate.  But afterwards I felt so guilty I had to tell my boyfriend as soon as I got in that night and then again the next day to make sure he had remembered!  Luckily he was fine with it and just thought it was funny, but I’m sure we would be having a very different conversation if it was a drum and bass wannabe shoving his tongue down my throat!

What about texting and flirting with people?  Is this classed as cheating?  Flirting is one thing, laughing a bit too much at some guys jokes and flicking your hair at every pun (intended).  Some people are just born flirts and flirt with everyone they know and claim they don’t know there doing it (hmm).  Flirting is one thing but exchanging numbers with someone (other than your boyfriend) is another thing.  Sexting is something that everyone is all too familiar of, especially those kids off of TOWIE, it’s all they every do is sent flirty texts to each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends, then consequently spend days rowing about it for days afterwards.  It’s a sneaky way of cheating really as nothing physical goes on, nobody is kissing or making out outside cheeky chicken.  However it is flirty, sexy and can be worse than kissing someone in my eyes.  These are premeditated sexy messages to another person who isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend.  I think I would rather have my boyfriend kiss another girl drunkenly that get involved in sexting.  At least the kiss is over and done with and he can feel guilty about it for weeks afterwards.  Texting or even calling another person in secret can be just as damaging as the physical infidelity.

Everyone’s perceptions of cheating are going to be different, depending on the type of relationship you have, or what kind of relationship you are in.  However if you are cheating then you probably shouldn’t be in the relationship at all.  If you haven’t told your partner about you kiss, text etc, then it’s probably classed as cheating.  If you feel guilty about it then you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all….so step away from the instant message.

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Opposites Attract

Struck by the way his dark mocha skin complimented her porcelain complexion,
Her conservative image creatively disturbed by his sinuous dreadlocks and loose-fitting jeans,
Struck by their contagious smiles, magnetised by their togetherness,
I come to a halt, caught myself staring and wondered.

beyonce-jay-zMost of us can summon up a time when we have sighted a couple and stopped in amazement due to the randomness of their pairing. Whilst the little angel perched on your shoulder might have invoked a smile; that mischievous devil probably challenged you to do a double take to satisfy either your inquisitiveness, or sheer ignorance. The celebrity world is beleaguered with examples of what the world may consider to be inequitable couples, ranging from Dita Von Teese and Marilyn Manson, to Beyonce and Jay Z. Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley shocked the world with their partnership, whilst Paula Abdul aptly used her song to emphasise the fact that ‘opposites attract.’ The success of any such partnership is testament to the fact that whilst outwardly they may appear incompatible, there is clearly a secret ingredient, spiritual connection, or trait that they both share to make their relationship work.

Ticking the Perfect Box

We all have a surreptitious idealistic checklist of the characteristics that we would like in a partner; whether it be smouldering eyes, the innate ability to communicate, or an incredible sense of humour. Most dream of the ‘butterfly-in-the belly moment’ when they meet that individual with whom they share mutual physical attraction, core values and an undeniable connection on a spiritual level. However, whilst we seem humanly programmed to flock towards those who share similarities, often enough it is the qualities we do not possess that provide the magnetism. But what keeps you together when you are poles apart?

Opening the Pandora box

We may be conditioned to live by the rules of compatibility, but even the media throws unexpected curveballs when the popular school boy falls for his geeky counterpart, or an unpredictable casual relationship turns into more. The reason to take the leap into the unknown varies for each individual and their situation. Some may take the plunge simply out of curiosity, whilst for others, (despite that fact that the physical attraction has always existed), the fear of disapproval or rejection has prevented them from pursuing the object of their desire.

Opposite characteristics may fuel initial attraction, but it is debateable as to whether they can provide the solid grounding needed for a long term relationship. Magnetism to someone different can contribute to the chemistry, invoke fascination and introduce one to a whole new perspective.  The unanticipated arrival of a tactile and spontaneous partner can fill a new relationship with allure and enthralment to the organised individual who lives by routine. The highly-strung person may seek solace in the passive individual and the party girl may hang up her high heels to spend a quiet evening with her more reserved counterpart. However, it can also increase the likelihood of a tumultuous relationship, if you have two different people who are pulled in two different directions.

Weighing up the scales

This scenario is even addressed in literature by authors such as Shakespeare with his witty characters Benedict and Beatrice, notwithstanding the notorious rollercoaster that brought Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele together in E.L James’s saucy novel ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ However, in reality, what do you do when your opinions and values differ so much that you cannot even agree on your choice of a TV programme, let alone decide on what religion your child should follow? It is easy to lose sight of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, as they might later become the very things that infuriate and frustrate you. For instance, whilst you may initially have found his respectful and cherished relationship with his mother endearing, the fact that he is a classic ‘mummy’s boy’ may be the source of many arguments.

The Secret Ingredient?

In order to ensure longevity in any relationship, it is important to communicate and learn to compromise. When you are different, it is important to be open to possibilities, focus on surmounting difficulties together and refrain from trying to change the other person. Counsellors, psychotherapist and psychologist all have their theories of what constitutes the perfect relationship, but as every individual is unique, it is impossible to provide one set recipe to success. Accept that you are attracted to your partner for their flaws, as well as their attributes and that you are with that person through personal choice. They say familiarity breeds contempt, but life would be extremely mundane if everyone dated themselves, so with that in mind embrace the unknown and celebrate your differences.

 “Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them” (Judith Henderson)

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Trick or Treat?

Halloween is my favourite time of year and always has been.  The thing with Halloween is why us girls love it so much because, let’s be honest it’s the one day of the year we can dress up in next to nothing and have nobody pass judgement on us.  It’s not even about dressing up to scare people anymore; it’s more a case of snaring people come the 31st.  I think what attracts us to the whole dressing up idea is that we can be an alter ego for the night.  We put on a false façade and pretend to be someone else for the next 8 hours.

It can give us a sense of empowerment I think when we dress up.  We can hide behind our real self for the night or take on our new found persona.  I think being dressed up and chatting up guys is such a great combination.  It’s a definite conversation starter and you can get in character a bit with the outfit you have taken on.  If you have a great outfit on, men want to come and talk to you and women well wish they had chosen that outfit for themselves.  It’s a win, win!

The fun thing about meeting guys in costume is that you can’t always be too sure what they look like underneath if they’re wearing a mask or lots of war paint.  So it’s a great time for personalities to shine through!  Its exhilarating to not quite know what they look like or who they might really be under the outfit.  If you find yourself getting into character for Halloween then I find it can be a real confidence booster when talking to your prospective dates for that evening.

When I met my boyfriend I’d organised a Halloween party at my house.  Of course there were boys there who were Uncle Fester, ghosts and Donnie Darko’s for the night but the girls went for a more imaginative look.  We had pirates, an Amy Winehouse look alike and then me, a Moulin Rouge impersonator.  I was going for sultry and leggy for the evening.  I was single and looking to embark on a more lewd outfit the course of play.  I thought that hot pants, fishnets, a corset complete with feather headdress and long gloves would do the trick, as I attempted to woo my prospective boy for the evening.

A few hours in and a few vodkas in I began to have second thoughts.  It’s not something I would attempt again, because what with the 5inch heels and giant hair feathers I was about 10 feet tall, unable to cruise under doors without the aid of Miss Winehouse to help me.  I looked like a drunken old drag queen by the end of the night!  I was just glad I was in the safety of my own home and not in some club, having to drag myself home minus a glove and feathers at 3am.

Gone are the days of ugly pointy nosed witches and scary looking ghosts, it’s all about sexy pirates and cheerleaders to fantasise about.  However, I did don a Mummy outfit last year.  Head to toe in bandages and white face paint with black eye rims and a bloody face.  Complete with actual first aid bag.  Not sexy, not seductive and not sultry.   Just bandages unravelling come 1am and birds nest hair where my makeshift ‘mummy’ headband had come loose.  However the first aid bag was a real talking point and I proceeded to put on my best ‘dead’ pose when I was trying to avoid drunken ghouls.

However my first attempt at a Halloween ensemble did not scare my prospective man (too much).  Even when he did have to peel feathers out of my hair come the early hours.  I’m told I am the best looking drag queen this side of Kemp Town.  We have made it through 4 happy Halloween’s together complete with Mummy outfits and all, I just haven’t broken the feathers out since.

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Birthday Expectations

Today is my birthday but what is it about a birthday that brings out the diva in us girls? It’s all about me, me, me for 24 hours, the world is mine and I shall do with it whatever I choose (or tell you to do). It’s like our inner Veruca Salt (the dreadful spoilt one in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) has finally found a voice for one day of the year. Daddy I want a pony and I want it now! Replace daddy with ‘baby’ and pony with the word ‘Louboutins’ and you have your very own rendition of super sweet sixteen in the middle of your twenties.

I’m a big birthday girl myself, love my birthday and I love celebrating other peoples especially my boyfriends. I love to spoil him, take my time choosing the prefect gift and take him somewhere fancy for the night and get dressed up. Plus drinking in the middle of the day is expected on birthdays, (anyone’s birthday I find).


Of course we want a little bit of pampering and to be spoilt for the day from our loved ones (it’s the only day of the year that you can’t shout at us or tell us no). OK so we know the Louboutins aren’t coming (sign) but we have a day of fun to look forward to right? Maybe a nice lunch or a bit of sight-seeing or shopping, followed by a martini at happy hour. Well not for a dear friend of mine who shall remain nameless for today. Her boyfriend did the exact opposite to her, with a big build up to the day and how excited she was going to be on her birthday. He told her that he had a fabulous day planned and that she was going to love what she’d done for her. So you can imagine the thoughts swimming round in her head. Oh a puppy maybe, a new car, or a trip to London shopping with unlimited access to the platinum, topped off with a trip to Gordon Ramsey’s. How exciting. So they get up and travel up to London all going swimmingly so far yes this could be Oxford Street and a boozy lunch in store, wonderful. Realising they had not got off at Oxford Street, wonders what they could be doing. Slowly, slowly more and more signs for London Zoo appear. OK that’s fine it must be past the zoo whatever where doing? Surely her boyfriend cannot be taking her to London Zoo for her 30th birthday. Surprise! Well that could be a deal breaker for some people, especially when she gets home to a surprise party to find that there is no actual present from her man to be opened at the end of the night. Just a bit of left over zoo food and a guide map.

The fact that there was some thought put into the day is very sweet, but sometimes things can be built up too much from you man and you wish they hadn’t said a word. We love a guy who puts imagination into the day, If thoughts gone into it then we play along and tell you that we love it. However on the other hand some men think it is acceptable to do nothing on their girlfriend’s special day. Another girl I know has been with her partner for many years and every year it’s the same thing. No present, she’s booking the restaurant herself and normally paying for it too. Now there’s a birthday treat you’d rather not get excited for.

Personally I found that going to Las Vegas stopped all of that birthday expectations build up! I was in Vegas seeing a show and having a fancy dinner with my man. I had a wonderful day because I was in Vegas baby! I refused to celebrate my 30th birthday in England, I decided this would be depressing enough as it is without visiting the local hang outs and someone being sick on my shoes come midnight. I advise anyone who has a birthday coming up and does not have faith in their partner to do the right thing, then to book a holiday immediately! He won’t have to put as much effort into it as you will already be happy enough to be on holiday and the chances are you won’t be expecting too much either. Just stay away from the local zoos.

Drunken Holiday Flings… Not A Good Look!

Having recently returned from a week in Portugal I noticed how full of Brits and Irish people it was.  I can’t say that this was what I was expecting, I never really choose to go abroad to be surrounded by people from my home town.  Nevertheless I was with my man and no amount of build me up buttercup was going to put a dampener on my hols.  There was a lovely little square in the centre dubbed ‘The Old Town’ which was full of cute little fish restaurants along the seafront and some not so cute British looking bars.  There were however a lot of young families and couple frequenting these places (and the odd stag do which we tried to avoid of course).

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One day we decided to check out ‘The Strip’ in a different part of town.  Not to be confused with the Las Vegas Strip and everything glorious it has to hold there.  This strip however was a debauchery of loud English stag and hen do’s, followed by even louder northern lasses looking for a “good time”.  I use the word good loosely as who knows how good anything is after 8 Jagerbombs and 12 double vodka and cokes.

Neon lights and the promise of 2-4-1 jelly shots at happy hour engulf these randy holiday makers.  What makes for a sexy 3am finish?  An abundance of alcohol and a Bon Jovi track to boot.  ‘Yes we really are halfway there’.  Brummie girls followed by young Irish men fill the streets of the Portugal strip tonight.

What makes these holiday makers sleep with whatever is on offer at that time at night? Girls in bikinis, guys with six packs all smelling of Hawaiian Tropic in the midday sun is just the beginning of Temptation Island for that week.  Drinking in the heat equipped with half naked testosterone roaming the sand dunes is enough to make many people turn on their backs.  Some of these girls and guys may not dream of partaking in such tom-foolery  back on home turf.  Men and women who have come on these single sex holidays.  You know the ones ‘Whores on tour’ or ‘Stags to Shag’.  They suddenly forget all about their relationships back home and the rules of relationship norms.  I.e. no sexy cuddles on the beach or on frolicking under clothes on the dance floor (because that still counts you know).  Partners are forgotten back home for some of these amorous holidaymakers and the next 7 days are a free for all apparently.   It’s a no holds barred 2 for the price of 1 action.

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The thrill of being in a different country, a hot Irish accent and endless fishbowl cocktails is all too tempting for some happy campers.   Sleeping with a stranger on holiday is seen as more acceptable than sleeping with someone from your local apparently.  It’s totally acceptable and more often than not encouraged.  ‘Oh you’re on holiday, have some fun’ or ‘what happens on the strip, stays in the strip’.  Until pictures get posted on Facebook that is.  It can become like a huge challenge for people out there to sleep with as many people as possible in the time they have.  Sun worshippers getting as drunk as humanly possible and putting the evening’s actions down to ‘maybe my drink got spiked’ and acute memory loss it would seem.

The more notches in the sand the better, especially for the girls it can seem.  However try this one nighter action back at home and you take the name fishbowl to a whole other level.

What Kind of Singleton Are You?

Being single is something we all seem experience at some point in our lives; regardless of how we end up being alone its inevitable for most. But like most things in life being single has its ins and outs, up and downs and miss and preconceptions.

We all know better than anyone else how we are when we’re single and overall it would ultimately come down to how we ended up like that, but nonetheless being the simple humans we are it isn’t very hard to slap a label on it. There are many different types of singletons and we all individually embrace it in our own ways, each to their own and all that, but it generally falls into it into 3 categories.

There is a slight misconception when it comes to leading the single life and it’s understandable… it would appear that being single goes hand in hand with having fun.There are worries that you can only have one or the other, independence or a committed relationship…introducing the YWF.

The Young Wild & Free (YWF) Single

This is pretty much what it says on the tin. People sometimes see relationships as a burden or a sacrifice of any remotely interesting life whatsoever, so when they are single there is an over excessive need to ‘live it up’.  Take the likes of pop star Rihanna; we constantly see outrageous images of her ‘enjoying’ being alone and you wouldn’t be wrong in assuming it was probably the best, unremembered, nights of her life. These are qualities the ‘YWF’ singles tend to have. Life is taken in its stride and every day is Friday *fist pumps*.

But don’t be fooled by the wild nights out, constant picture uploads and ‘OMG! WTF! BEST NIGHT EVER’ captions. It may look fun to an outsider looking in but the reality might display a broken person who is not very accepting of their circumstances at all. It’s all a façade… maybe?

Meanwhile on the other side of the spectrum there are the people who just can’t seem to understand why the heck they are single?? In theory they have it all, looks, money; you name it, but always fall short at the hands of cupids bow and arrow. “What gives?” is a question they are all too familiar with; however there is no actual answer. This type of single carries a slight arrogance to their nature, obviously.  Many of us are guilty of this next point from time to time, but If you find yourself looking on at couples, more times than deemed sane,  and wonder what on earth she/he has that you don’t, that he/she is in a relationship and you aren’t… you are in fact the “Why am I single” person. But not to worry there’s never actually anything wrong with you; you’re apparently just “looking in ALL the wrong places”. ALWAYS.

Last but not least…

The WASP (well-adjusted single person)

The WASP. Possibly the best single person you can come across. They have it all in check. A WASP might be in a relationship and be completely content but can also completely accept when they are not. For them being single does not necessarily mean they are looking. It is the middle point between the previous two which allows them to enjoy being single without blind sighting the future in terms of love and relationship. The best quote for a well-adjusted single person would be ‘when life gives you lemons make lemonade’ and this is exactly what a WASP does. They have the blueprints for nearly everything in their lives; except of course how to stay in the relationship but not everything needs a plan I guess.

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How is the One Night Stand Perceived?

It’s 2 am. It’s Friday night and the only thing you’ve had down your throat this evening is vodka tonics and the dirty blonde who’s name you don’t care to remember.  The bar is ready to close up soon but the two of you are not done partying.  The choice is a bag of chips in the kebab shop which may well give you too much time to sober up; or back to theirs for a few warm coronas and a warm bed perhaps?

So you take a taxi back together and continue the party till the wee small hours.  Laughing, kissing and telling each other how beautiful you look tonight are all part of the fun.  A few more drinks perhaps (or maybe a coffee after you have stumbled in your Kurt Geiger’s through the door) and let the good times roll.

Next morning can be an awkward flurry of gathering up clothes and trying to rush out the door before his house-mates spot you.  Or it can turn ugly, he won’t leave and is hanging around until well into Saturday Kitchen.  You’ve politely made him a cup of tea and after another hour you make your excuses as to having a date with your nursing home granny for lunch and no he can’t come.

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The problem is with a one night stand, is can be a drunken bit of fun when both parties want the same thing.  However once the curtains are drawn and the sheets need to be changed, a cold harsh reality sets in.  So how do men and women actually feel about each other after a one night stand?  What vibe does it give off to the other person?  The general consensus for both parties was that one night stands were a bit of fun and nothing more.  As lovely as the night may be, one night stands make no room for potential partners or someone you would like to take home to mum (or granny).

A one night stand gives off a slightly sleazy vibe; they are generally not something you can build a relationship on.  The reason being is that once that barrier has been broken, there’s no going back.  There’s no room for playing hard to get or trying to be aloof as you have already given up the goods at the first hurdle.  Of course there is an exception to the rule where one couple did go on to get married I suppose but remember it’s called an exception for a reason.

Some of the women I spoke to admitted that one night stands were not for them, purely for emotional reasons.  Some women will just generally get attached too quickly; once opening up sexually and emotionally to someone to not have this followed through with a relationship or even a second date can be too detrimental for them.

Men will generally feel elated, manly and full of meaty testosterone the night after a one night stand.  Whereas women will generally feel like they have just unwittingly notched another pointless gash on the bedpost.  As fun as it maybe there’s always a slight hint of shamefulness when your flagging a cab down in last night’s undies

Going into a one night stand can be like going into battle, you need lots of protection and not let your emotions get involved if you’re going to make it through the night.  Hard hats and hard hearts at the ready.  The only way to salvage any dignity is to scuttle out the door early enough leave him wanting more and hope that you wore jeans out that night instead of a micro mini when trying to flag your cab down.

Therapy or Tough Love?

One in 5 Britons has had therapy and the number of qualified counsellors has tripled in the last 10 years to keep up with demand, but does therapy work in the long term?

Hypnotherapy is often used to help obese clients and those with eating disorders, obsessive disorders or generally unhealthy habits such as smoking. This aims to change bad habits for good ones.

With the help of the therapist, a trance-like state alters the state of consciousness in such a way that the analytical left-hand side of the brain is turned off, while the non-analytical right-hand side is made more alert and receptive. The brain is inhibited from using any conscious processes and the subconscious mind is more directly accessible than prior to the hypnotherapy.

During this time under the trance, the therapist can start to suggest ideas and concepts and can add healthier more beneficial adaptations to the client’s lifestyle directly into the long term memory.

The advantage over traditional types of therapy is that hypnotherapy achieves results much faster and avoids the need to explain your life story to the therapist, opening up to them and working backwards to understand what went wrong and how and why.

Traditional therapy attempts to fully understand the conscious mind and delves into deep rooted issues of the past, to shape a new and brighter future. This can be slow and arduous and at times ineffectual as the conscious mind has many barriers. The therapist has to work through various emotions and analyse insights to desensitise the client to making progress.

NLP aims to improve one’s your life by installing positive attitudes to life and uses goal setting. Unlike other approaches to therapy, NLP is a how to technology that tells you how to be what you want to be. Widely used to achieve personal success, it helps you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours and enables you to take responsibility for your actions in all areas of your life.

Behavioural therapy aims to change any behaviours that are harmful or not helpful. Various techniques are used such as avoidance and exposure. Using deep breathing techniques the therapist helps you cope and control the anxiety when a feared situation arises.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a mixture of cognitive and behavioural therapies. They are often combined because how we behave often reflects how we think about certain things or situations. Depending on the condition being treated, the particular emphasis on cognitive or behavioural aspects of therapy can vary,

Cognitive therapy can be very useful in dealing with depression, but behavioural therapy is useful where repetitive compulsive actions take place such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

One of the disadvantages of therapy is a feeling of dependency. It may be the first time you have someone to talk to who actually listens without judgment. Finding someone to take over this role once the therapy ceases can be tough but necessary, as long term therapy can actually inhibit a career or lifestyle change.

Long-term psychotherapy may encourage self-absorption and narcissism. Two qualities that make relationships at work and at home very difficult.

There is the possibility that therapy may also rationalize inaction and encourage procrastination. Certain therapists also encourage inaction by resisting giving advice, whether this is due to a conflict of interest or a general unwillingness to be blunt with the client.

Although therapy may bring a new insight into why you do what you do, is your life any better? Has it enabled you to blame your past for your actions and give you a reason to be the way you are today?

Perhaps instead you should try tough love, a method widely used in military forces throughout the world. You may think you need sympathy and support, but in fact being shown that your problems are not life threatening, may actually be relatively insignificant in the complex web of life and being told to “man up” may work much better for certain individuals.

If you are still unsure, ask yourself, are you holding yourself back from achieving your goal? Are you blaming others for your failures? Whether that be your parents, partner or boss, do you find a barrier to changes?

We don’t need to see a therapist to tell us to focus on the positive in life. Mother Teresa always said she was not Anti War, she was Pro Peace, she preferred to focus on the positive rather than the negative, an attitude which stood her in good stead and for which she will be well remembered.

Try writing down your goals in life and in business. Each night take a moment to write down 3 things that you have done during the day to work towards your goals.

When a stressful decision arises, ask yourself which action would be most beneficial to achieving your goal and go do it.

You may just find this approach quite liberating, making you more productive and helping you develop a more positive attitude about yourself and your life.

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Dating in the Workplace

What makes us want to date people in the workplace?  With the office being the forefront of most workplace shenanigans.  With nothing but computers, photocopiers and paperwork to focus on from 9-5, is it any wonder we suddenly have a look around elsewhere.  Steve from accounts has always been a bit dull, but after being transferred to that department a different side suddenly opens up.  Hardly an opening for 50 Shades of Grey, more like 50 Shades of Grey hair.  What attracts us suddenly to Steve in Accounts or Darren in Marketing?  Gradually his stories about finance begin to grow on you and you realise that his ever so slightly receding hairline is actually kinda cute.  Not only that but it’s partly down to laziness too.  You don’t even need to try and flirt that hard because you already know him.  You spend 8 hours a day with him already, know that he has a cat called Thomas and likes to watch re runs of CSI Miami.  You spend all day chatting and in between the real work and spread sheets, you find out that you like going to the same bars and know someone that he went to school with.  It’s like a first date but over the course of 3 months.

Slowly but surely you’re putting a bit more make up on in the morning and wearing a higher heel that would succumb to a health and safety briefing.  Going to work is that little bit more interesting because you’ve got yourself a crush.  God Steve from accounts is suddenly your crush!  Little looks are being thrown to each other in the weekly team brief and you make sure you get the teas in the same time as him.  Hovering over the water fountain like a gazelle in mating season, all lengthy and full of eyelashes.  Lingering looks turn into lunches together and staying late to catch up on assignments.  Flirting turns into brushing past each other at the photocopier.  By this point you have already had each other numbers for some time (work related reason of course) and little text messages pop up now and then.  ‘You look cute in that skirt today xx’.  It’s exciting and exhilarating knowing that you have a little play mate at work,  makes the day go quicker.  Before you know it you are texting each other to go and get stationary supplies (yes it is that cliché in the office).  Pretending to get staples and highlighters but just having a feel up of each other in the 5 minutes you have before your crazy menopausal boss realises you’ve gone.  Of course you return empty handed.

This is the lazy girls way to dating my friend.

This is all very well and good until you become the brunt of Melissa’s idle gossip at the fountain.  A few strange looks from girls you hardly know.  You overhear yours and Steve’s name in the canteen and realise that possibly your little secret is out.  Worried that your boss may find out, you tell Steve that people are inadvertently writing this about you on Facebook, and that you don’t want to be perceived as the office bike.

Eventually after weeks of flirting and dodgy looks at the watering hole, you all go out on a Friday night after work.  11 vodkas and 2 Sambuca’s later it’s just the two of you, drunk, snogging in the back of the taxi and telling each other how awkward this is going to be on Monday.

Its sure is, as Monday rolls around you both walk in sheepishly to the office, your back in your flat shoes and eased up on the lip gloss.  Your team mates are asking ‘What happened to you two after we left?’  As you dart looks at each other and conduct a faux story of leaving just after everybody else, separately.  Of course nobody believes you and the next few weeks you are subjected to groups of girls whispering about you, like you’re in year 9 again.  Your shade of grey rendezvous is over and now Steve is ignoring you.

The moral of the story is don’t eat where you sleep, it will end in tears.  Mostly yours and not his.

Read more here: http://datingreviewer.org/victoriadates-dating-site-review/

 

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How Important is Money in a Man?

How much emphasis do we put on money when searching for an appropriate suitor?  Is it a factor inbred into our nervous systems when looking for our prince (or pauper)?  Oh none I hear you cry?  Money doesn’t matter it’s the person inside and that’s all that matters you say?  OK I believe you….  However there are of course out there obvious gold-diggers who wouldn’t even entertain the idea of dating a man who didn’t earn a comfortable 3 holidays a year, 80k and above.  These women are the obvious kind of money orientated women who believe that St Tropez and Dubai is part and parcel of having an affluent boyfriend.  These women you will usually find propped up against a pole or on Sugardaddie.com searching for a meal ticket to feed their 5 kids.  These are not the lawyers and barristers of the world, oh no.  These are the women who couldn’t make their own money and are looking for someone who does.

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Diamonds – A Girl’s Best Friend?

Nonetheless you don’t need to be so obvious with the wealthy attributes to realise what you will put up with and what you won’t.  There are plenty of my girlfriends who are more than happy to date men who earn less than them and I feel that is very commendable.  How much less is anyone’s guess?  Many men I know don’t feel comfortable with that especially if the wage gap is more than about 10k.  However many man would relish in this prospect of having a 21 century business like woman on their arm.  However there are a number of my girlfriends who have a strict policy of how much a guy should earn and what type of car he drives.  Mercedes tick; Renault Clio keep driving.  They believe that a man should pay for the restaurant, for the holiday and for the jewels.  If they expect all this from their partner then they should not be expected to be treated like an equal.  Instead expect to perform favours on tap and be dropped for someone younger, thinner and prettier in 6-8 months.

Some women consider it merely wanting to feel ‘looked after’.  I use the term loosely because unless you are a bed wetting 5 year old then being able to look after yourself should be second nature in a grown up’s world.  This can boil back to traditions where men were seen as the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home baking bread and baring children.  However in the day and age where women want to be seen as more and more equal especially when it comes to money, to only date men who earn more than you seems rather un equal.  It reverts back to the man being in control and the woman a submissive to his wallet.  It’s no more than what a lady of the night does, sleeps with men for money.   Gold digging women are just a glorified tanned version of a street walker who’s possibly trying to make a better life for herself and her children.

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Peter Jones – Does Money Make the Man?

For all you ladies out there earning a respectable 25k and above, would the idea of entertaining a man on a meagre 15k salary excite you?  Probably not no, does that mean you should dump him?  Probably not no.  The questions you need to ask yourself before hitting delete are reasons why he is earning what he’s earning?  Is it lack of ambition or just a situation where he is trying to better himself and has to work his way up from the bottom.  Simply putting complete emphasis on how much the guy earns is very shallow.  Ok so we may look unimpressed when he rolls up in a Primark suit and pays for dinner with a voucher off of his bus ticket but he could be a really sweet guy who believes there is more to life than money.  He may rather be doing a job that he loves for less pay than work in hideous office with bonuses, suits and company laptops.  If that is the case then don’t let money get in the way of true happiness.  However if he is just a lazy stoner working in Burger King, then him and the Renault Clio can keep driving.

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Is Our Private Life Ever Really Private?

http://askamydaily.com/snooping-presents-relationship-issuesHow often have you been on a night out with your girlfriends or with your man, and have woken up to your news feed covered in pictures of you from the night before?  Starting the beginning of the night looking like Angelina Jolie, eyelashes pristine and clutch bag intact, fast forward a few hours outside the cab rank looking like Amy Winehouse.  Friends status’ where they have tagged you in explaining to the world how many Jagerbombs you did and how many tables you danced on/and fell off.  Our friends and family have now become the local paparazzi’s of the decade.  Watching our every move and threatening to tag us in the end of evening shenanigans.  Not only after nights out but embarrassing quotes we have come out with or unflattering mug shot / side boob pictures of that dress that doesn’t quite sit right.

The recent pictures of young Miss Middleton go to show that not even royalty are safe from the prying eyes of social media.  Weather these were old or new pictures it does not matter.  When Ashton Kutcher posted the picture of his then beloveds behind, Demi Moore on Twitter back in August 2009.  Talk about an invasion of privacy.  Famous or not I think many women would view this as an almost dump-able offence, being snapped in your granny pants by your boyfriend for all to see.  Whatever you may think of the prank, secretly it’s nice to know that celebs are just like us and they wear big granny pants sometimes too.  That they don’t always take a flattering shot and have cellulite like the rest of us (OK maybe she didn’t have any cellulite).

Alongside unflattering photos your friends make take of you, Facebook and Twitter are now becoming excellent reasons to snoop on your partner without them knowing that you are.  Every status update now tracks exactly where you are in the country, and who he has recently become ‘friends’ with.  When he says he is at Steve’s house playing Xbox but his news feed is showing he is actually in Central London you know something’s up.  I was out with a girlfriend the other day; we had been to the cinema and then went for a few drinks afterwards.  Now before I had even ordered the drinks, she had already tagged the two of us on Facebook at ‘The Western Front’ and was taking pictures of the two of us in said pub.  Now not that I have anything to hide from my boyfriend but if for any reason I didn’t want him to know I was there or with that person then I would have no way of keeping that private.  The two of them are on Facebook so can access both mine and each other’s news feeds.  Sometimes it’s not always about wanting to keep anything from your partner or friend, its more about not wanting the whole world to know you’re every move.  Sometimes you may want to lay low if you’ve had a row with your boyfriend, take solace in the pub with a girlfriend for a few hours.  You return home and of course say you have been for a walk to clear your head only to find out when you’ve returned he actually already knows you’ve been in the bat and ball with Lucy.

It’s the pictures of your new boyfriends ex-girlfriend sprawled all over his Facebook profile which you despise the most.  Only after a few months that you demand they are deleted from his life.  Not like the old days when you could just simply hide a few photos in the back of your underwear draw.  Not only that it seems like people’s whole relationships are now decided by what ‘Relationship Status’ you have decided to put yourself in.  If he hasn’t put that he’s in a relationship after 2 months then it’s obvious he wants to meet other women and accept friend request of random girl’s right?  No not true, some men are just that lazy that they are too idle to change it.  My boyfriend’s relationship status was ‘In a Relationship’ as soon as we met (because of course I Facebook stalked him as soon as I found out his last name).  This completely freaked me out as we hadn’t even slept together at this point!  It was only a few months down the line he told me he had never actually changed it from his previous relationship.  Nice.  Personally I don’t have a status as I do not need to tell the world I’m in a relationship nor when I break up with someone to then be in breach of mass pitying on my wall.

Whether you are into social media or not, the fact is someone you know or your friends or boyfriend are more than likely are into it.  The only way to keep your private life private is to stop going out apparently.

(Becca Ripley was at Home)

Image reproduced from askamydaily.com

Love Labour’s Lost

Remember when Aristotle claimed that ‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies’? Well no, of course not, but we have all heard the quote, we have all dreamed and desired to love someone as passionately and ferociously as that, but have we all lost faith in relationships and worse still, irrevocable love?

More and more I am hearing of people maintaining that ‘relationships are temporary’ and that ‘monogamous relationships don’t exist’ Admittedly, I am a 21 year old girl, with 21 year old friends, but that once was the age were dreams were at the highest. Visions of white dresses, platinum rings and an eternity of interweaved hearts have now been replaced by the here and now and fear of divorce papers, custody battles and heart ache.

Can we even recall a time where love didn’t involve signing contracts? When loving someone was enough? When falling in love meant being safe and secure and above all else, happy?

Before the 1700’s there was effectively no divorce in England, a time when people fought to make their relationships work. And obviously, there has and always will be, casualties of love, but I strongly believe we should never stop fighting for it. Despite my parents’ divorce over 10 years ago, I am a love enthusiast as; after all, what would we be without love? We’d be empty, useless gaps in the planet. We’d be functional but no more. Hearts beating just to pump blood, minds racing just to find answers, just to remember figures and bank details and postcodes, not birthdays and anniversaries and favourite foods. We’d be shells, worn down by the sea and washed up on a beach. And we’d be waiting for some bikini-clad bombshell or a tight-shorts Mr Right to pick us up, polish us off and take us home to put on the mantle or in a shoebox in the loft.

If that is life without love well, that is where I’d rather be. Sitting in a shoebox. In a loft.

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New Year’s Dating Regimes

What are peoples top New Year’s resolutions for 2013?  It seems that losing weight is at the top and things like finding a new job that kind of thing.  However hunting for a new man appears to be high on the agenda for singletons in the UK.  According to Match.com the on-line dating site it typically sees an increase of 25-30 per cent between the period of December 26 and February 14.  It seems that single gals are logging on as soon after Christmas as Boxing Day!  Not leaving anything to chance!  Turkey barley digested, Quality Street still looming and it’s straight on the man hunt for some saucy singletons!

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Not only is the man hunt starting directly after Christmas but its continuing right up until Valentine’s Day itself!  In the vain hope that even on Valentine’s Day logging on, a date might still be on the cards.  New year’s dating is not just about logging on (complete with Christmas jumper and hat).  Its about reflecting on past relationships and possibly trying not to make the same mistakes again.  Doing your up most not to pick the same scrotum’s  which seem to flock ever so gradually towards you.  Think about the type of men you have gone for in the past year and do the exact opposite of that!  Reflecting on why your last relationship ended, was he too clingy, was you too clingy.  Did you stalk his Facebook every time he went out to track his every movement?  (Come on we’ve all done it) 11:52 pm and he’s checked in to Mahiki nightclub even though he said he wasn’t going clubbing.   Was the reason the last relationship fail because you pick immature guys?  As cute as 1D Harry is those curly brown locks are never gonna make it through the long haul or even through a Long Island Iced Tea.  Cute as they maybe younger boys will not always live up to the relationship so many of us crave.  Good for house parties, sneaking into clubs and general frolicking.  Bad for anything long term, that includes epic movies, road trips and attention spans.

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Instead of going for your usual long, dark and full of it number, try looking at different kinds of specimens out there.  They don’t have to be nerdy and resemble Peep Show’s Mark Corrigan just someone who has more to offer than looks.  Or if you normally go for Towies James Argent of this world (God forbid), then don’t!  Look for someone with a different look or characteristics.  If Skater boys have proved to bring you nothing but trouble with their intense good looks and laid back dress sense, then it’s a city boy that you need to open your mind to.

New Years is a great way to meet new people.  People love a fresh start and it can be the same with finding a new man too!  The idea is to change who you normally go for.  It’s easy to get stuck in a dating rut, dating the same types of guys, floppy hair, piercings and who look like they have just stepped out Edward Scissorhands.  But the world is full of many many men to explore.  Give the shy and retiring guy a go, if you’re usual is Mark Wright’s answer to Brighton and has proved not to be working for you.  You will find that he will probably pay you more attention and not have slept with 8 out of the 10 girls in the bar with you.

Just stay away from the Arg’s of this world!

Gay Marriage

Today I want to discuss a topic that’s never really in the public consciousness much, if at all. So I wanted to bring this little talked about subject into people’s mind to open it up for debate and give it the consideration it deserves. I want to talk about gay marriage…………………..what? there’s already a multitude of news stories and debates about it? How many?………..that many!

Now firstly I have to admit to you a bit of naivety on my part. I had already thought we had gay marriage in the UK, called civil partnership. That’s not me being flippant, I genuinely thought that was the case. Legally there is no difference in rights between civil partnership and marriage in the UK, it even has a process similar to divorce as well. At the moment however, UK law does not recognise same-sex ‘marriage’. Confused? Me too a little, so what’s in a name?….apparently a lot……

Now I’m not claiming to be as qualified or educated as some to speak on behalf of the government, churches, or the gay community etc but hopefully I can offer a reasonable argument which may give some food for thought.

I know the reaction from some of the ultra conservative religious groups in the UK ‘coming out’ (if you’ll forgive the wording) against gay marriage has been very strong to say the least. To hear some of them speak I think in their minds the gay couple getting married will be dressed up as an electrician, Indian, Policeman or Biker, walking down the aisle to ‘It’s raining men’, while the congregation are doing YMCA in the background. That does sound like a fun wedding though…
So let’s try to break down the issue into the main points:

1. Do gay people actually want gay marriage or is civil partnership close enough to marriage?

2. Should the government allow gay marriage and if necessary should they force the church to perform them?

3. How does gay marriage sit with the church and how is it dealt with biblically?

Isn’t civil partnership just gay marriage by another name? All the same legal rights as marriage in the UK are there after all and have been in place for 6 years. But if the whole debate concerning gay marriage was solely focused on legal equality, then civil partnership would surely be perfectly acceptable. However, the word ‘marriage’ is important in this debate. It conjures up words like love, faithfulness and permanence and stability. Civil partnership conjures up in my mind two people entering into a business legal contract with one another. Its not the same in its power to define a loving relationship to the public. What civil partnership perhaps misses in ‘name only’ is the essence that the word marriage conjures and why should we deny that to a couple just because the ‘love’ part of the word ‘marriage’ is between two people of the same sex? and what about the issues of equality?

Another point to consider is how the gay community really feel about all this. Is there an actual strong desire for gay marriage in the UK or do they consider it just a word? Is it instead a deliberate politicised issue in a cynical act by parties to get more votes?

The government have already accepted and allowed gay marriage in all but name. There is no difference in legal rights, so why didn’t they go all the way? The short answer is to avoid all the debates, backlash and press that would come along with it. That was six years ago. Now things are hopefully slightly different, we are more accepting and the issue of gay marriage has been broached again with that hope that people will be more accepting of it. Now I think the time is right, perhaps overdue, as the current situation does resemble allowing gay people onto the airplane of a ‘visible, public lifelong commitment of a couple’ but not allowing them to upgrade to first class ‘marriage’ section becuase they are the same sex. Its marriage but not quite and seems unfair.

In March the government began a 12-week consultation on the topic of allowing gay couples in England and Wales to marry. One of the proposals in the consultation paper is that both civil partnerships and same sex marriage will both be possible. Surely this should be one or the other? Why not reclassify civil partnerships to be classed as marriages? Otherwise we have two tier or classes of commitment vehicles with civil partnerships as economy and marriage as first class. (and more checkboxes on an application form.)

Another important proposal in the consultation paper says it will maintain the legal ban on same-sex couples marrying in a religious service. Firstly is it their right to legally ban or not ban gay marriage in a church? At face value it seems to be there to appease and put the mind of the religious institutions at rest. Or, is it a case of the government easing the church door open a bit more to allow at some point in the future gay marriages being performed there? first civil partnerships, then gay marriage, then gay marriages in the church, slowly bringing them round to the idea. I think that religious institutions have every right to comment upon the issue but it is up to the government to introduce gay marriage as a legal right. However, it is the churches right to allow, or not allow, them being performed in a church. The distinction is very different.

Roman Catholic congregations across England and Wales were read a letter from the Church’s two most senior archbishops saying the change would reduce the significance of marriage. I think they are wrong in this regard. It is the high divorce rate at all ages over the past years that have reduced the significance of marriage. If a gay couple were to marry and live a long, loving, committed relationship till the day they die, surely that increases the significance of marriage as something important and worthwhile?

I could write a entire doctorate on various points of biblical scripture that are: for, against, or indifferent to homosexuality and gay marriage. These different views depend on interpretation, context and historical social context at the time of writing each book within the bible. This produces the formation of somewhat individualistic views, which makes it interesting but not that helpful sometimes in getting a clear cut answer. Perhaps it was written with that in mind so readers would be challenged to form their own conclusions while still holding onto the overall message.

Now it might be the literary equivalent of walking into a lion’s cage with a rib eye steak in my boxers but I could, for example, say that in the New Testament Jesus never commented about homosexuality but Paul however did. If it was really important I would have thought Jesus may have mentioned it once or twice. Same sex marriages or partnerships are never mentioned in the bible, is this omission because they weren’t even considered at the time?

There are better people than me to debate this and I would suggest further reading on the wealth of information out there.

As a Christian, in my opinion the bible teaches self thought and free will. It says ‘do not judge, or you too will be judged’ and to ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’. If two people who love each other and want to make a lifelong commitment in front of their family, friends and God, then they should be able to do so. It shouldn’t matter if they are gay or not. There are Christians who are openly gay and I think that church leaders should be very careful in interpreting what they think God thinks about that. Its obvious that a big important discussion needs to happen within the church in this government consultation period, in order to come up with some form of formal option or response.

I also wouldn’t want to see atheist parties use the reluctance of some of the church members to accept gay marriage as an opportunity to oppose all faiths as an outdated concept. (Yes Mr Dawkings I mean you)

I think it would be wrong for the government to force churches to officiate over gay marriages but I hope that they will open their doors to them. Perhaps as a short term solution it could be down to the individual churches to decide based on their views.

Hopefully the government consultations will bring together all the reverent parties into an honest, open debate and the outcome will be understanding, acceptance and welcoming. In the end though the ultimate decision will be individually ours.

Image reproduced from blogs.telegraph.co.uk

Boyfriend Proofing Your Make-Up

The honeymoon period. Arguably one of the happiest times of any relationship. He picks the wine on your eagerly-anticipated date nights in romantic restaurants, giggling while sneaking into the back of the cinema like a couple of loved-up teenagers, and all his charming little habits like the adorable way he corrects your grammar. Even the way he forgets to call you back because he’s caught up in an incredibly important Xbox war with his mates doesn’t irritate you. And vice versa; he laughs it off when you’re late because your meeting ran over (AKA having a pre-date mental breakdown because you have NOTHING TO WEAR), and he only ever sees you looking your most fabulous.

Fast forward six months and it’s all trackies, Croydon facelifts and un-waxed legs. (Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about…) We’ve all been there, It’s the first time you’ve stayed over his house, you wake up in the morning knowing full well the pillow will be covered in foundation and your hair will have moulded itself into a style that even Russell Brand would deem offensive. And while you’re lying there wondering if he owns hairspray (and secretly hoping he doesn’t) and debating whether you could fashion some concealer out of his toothpaste, he wakes up and sees what he’s really let himself in for.

Call me old fashioned, but I think it’s nice to want to look good for your man. Granted it’s not always possible (acceptable excuses including: festivals- even the lucky few natural beauties amongst us struggle here, and long haul flights- too much air con and alcohol dehydration to contend with) but I don’t see anything wrong with trying to keep the spark alive for as long as possible. Now I’m not saying a full face of make up 24/7 is essential to do this, but a bit of strategically placed concealer here and there can never be a bad thing, right?

With this in mind, I started thinking about how to achieve this with minimum effort. Or as I like to call it; ‘Boyfriend Proofing’ (trademark pending). Boyfriend Proofing is the art of looking as gorgeous as possible for as long as possible for as little effort as possible. Trust me, it’s possible. Here are my favourite tried and tested (by yours truly) products to guarantee they’ll never be a Picasso style version of your face imprinted onto the pillow ever again.

smeared makeupStarting with foundation. There’s nothing worse than the above crime (pillow soiling) or even worse, leaving a cloud of powder on his nose every time you kiss him. The key term here is ‘transfer proof’! A lot claim they can do this but few truly can. It’s a tricky job trying to find a long wear base that won’t look too cakey, but lucky for you I’ve held a few experiments (and thrown away half a dozen pillow cases in the process). Here are my top 5:

1. Dior ‘Forever’ (£32)- Does what it says on the tin!
2. Bare Minerals Original Foundation (£25)- Very natural finish, but won’t clog your pores if you leave it on overnight.
3. Estee Lauder ‘Double Wear’ or ‘Double Wear Light’ (£28.50)- this is not for the feint hearted. Very full coverage but will not budge!
4. Lancôme ‘Teint Idole Ultra’ (£27.50)- Gives a very flawless, smooth finish and has serious staying power too.
5. B. Flawless Complete Coverage (only in Superdrug £9.99)- Slightly more purse-friendly, but just as good as its more expensive competitors.

Next up; Mascara. Morning panda eyes is an unflattering affliction to say the least. However nowadays mascara formulations have advanced so much that this need not be an issue. There exists a breed of mascara that can only be removed with water and comes off in ‘tubes’ as opposed to smudging under your eyes. Here’s my top 3:

1. Shu Uemura ‘Tokyo Lash’ (£20)
2. Blinc Mascara (£19.50)
3. L’Oreal ‘Double Extension Beauty Tubes’ (£11.29)

So there you have it ladies, the tools for waking up as much as of a goddess as you looked the night before. Now there really is no excuse is there?! As for the trackies, Croydon facelifts and un-waxed legs? That’s all on you…

Image reproduced by

The 3×3 Essentials in the Complementary Health Business

Complementary health is first and foremost a business.  Many make the mistake of treating this profession as a passion for which they get paid. It must instead be a profession for which you have passion. The difference is small but critical and it often draws the difference between success and failure.

This article shows the 3 steps to take to ensure that you succeed in complementary health. Follow these steps and your chances to succeed may grow exponentially.

1 – Be professional

  1. Do not work from home. Working from home underlines a lack of professionalism and lack of commitment toward your profession. It is like saying “I cannot be bothered/commit to take an office as this is really something that I do in my spare time”. Even if you only practice on a part-time basis, working from an office tells that you work part-time, working from home tells that you work on your spare time; not the same thing!
  2. Specialise.  Jack of all trades masters of none belong to the past. Today people look for specialised knowledge. At first you may think that specialising in one area, whether that is weight loss, phobias, sport, back pain, or whatever you may specialise in, will reduce the number of enquiries you receive. In reality this is really not an issue. On the contrary you will get more business; there may only be 20,000 people suffering from a phobia in your county against the 5,000,000 seeking help in all areas. 20,000 people is still a lot of people and even if you only got 5% of this, you will need to see 1 client per day for 4 years before you have worked with your 5%. And that is working 5 days a week for 52 weeks of the year – eg no holiday! There are enough clients in any niche.
  3. Do your homework. Make sure that you know your stuff. Don’t improvise and ask for advice from people who have done what you do for longer than you. Ask the question and you may look stupid once, don’t ask and you will always remain stupid.

2 – Be seen

Marketing is important and it is important to get your marketing right. The way you market yourself depends pretty much on what you do. In complementary health however there are a few things that are proven to work. These are:

  • Networking
  • Flyers
  • Competitions
    1. Networking needs no elaboration other than getting out there and talking to people. Let everybody know that you are the expert in whatever it is that you are an expert in. Collect business cards and send them follow up emails after you met. Do not be pushy, something light like: “Hi Greg, it was good to meet you earlier today. Just a quick line to say hi and make sure that you have my contact details. I would like to be included in your newsletter and I would like to include you in mine which I hope you can find useful.”
      You can also go the extra mile and actually ask some of the people you meet at networking events to meet again on a one to one basis to understand more about each other businesses and requirements. There is enough to say about networking for a book to be written; for now, make sure you follow the steps above and a large part of the rest will come naturally.
    2. Flyers are one of those things that some people believe in and some others don’t. The truth is simple: those who believe in flyers understand how to create and use flyers, those who do not believe in them do not know this. Flyers must:
      • Include a head line, sub-headline, photo, call to action, urgency factor, benefit for the client
      • Be delivered to your neighbourhood at least 3 times (eg 3000 flyers to 1000 houses)
      • Be small and essential (not too many words and printed on A6 or A5)
      • Be monitored in terms of results
      • Here is an example of a good flyer

  1. Competitions are the best way known to me to generate traffic to your website and get free press coverage. The way this works is elementary: write to the local press offering to give away a series of treatments to their readers through a competition. The competition will involve that the readers fill out a coupon or enter their details on a webpage and the winner will be given the prize. All those people who did not win can be contacted with an offer such as: “Sorry you did not win! As consolation prize here is a 50% off discount voucher”. This is an excellent way to get targeted traffic and free press coverage.

3 – Business is Business

Business is business and so treat it as such. Here are the 3 main pointers:

  1. Be profitable. Make sure that you are making a profit with every client you see. If you lose 1p every client and you increase the number of clients you see, you will lose more pennies. Analyse your costs including marketing, rent, disposables, taxes, transport and all your other expenses related to the business and make sure that the fees you charge can generate the desired profit for you.
  2. Pricing. Charge what you are worth plus a little more! People associate the fees of a service to the quality of the same. Increasing your prices to the higher end of the scale will not only give you more profits but also more clients and more people will associate more value to your services. Investigate and see what your competitors charge and put yourself at the higher end of that scale.
  3. Plan and forecast. Make sure that you have a business plan so that you have a precise goal and an action plan that backs it up. In short, make sure that you know what you want and what you need to do in order to get it.

This article gives you a good idea of the main points that you must pay attention to when running a complementary health business (or any other small business for that matter). I recommend that you elaborate on every single point and apply these notions to your business as soon as you can.

Top image reproduced from http://www.easyaccountingsolutions.co.uk

Boys & Girls

I glimpse at my phone, he’s texted me. No butterflies, no skipped heartbeat, no waiting at least twenty minutes to read and a further 22 minutes and 30 seconds (or something) to reply. I pick my phone up ‘yeah, come over in 10… I haven’t washed by the way’ my fingers quip. No I haven’t found the love of my life, got comfortable too quickly and think its okay to look vile whenever he comes round; I’m just replying to my best friend.

Oof, I can practically hear your sharp intake of breath. A boy and a girl – friends? Oh, We have all seen the films; we’ve all heard about Harry and Sally, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and not forgetting what happened to Julia Roberts at her Best Friend’s Wedding and well I’d be a liar if I said I’d not sat and watched these films, and their many variations, and thought the same thing – can a boy and a girl JUST be friends? Is it hopelessly idealistic to think that a man and woman can have a purely platonic relationship without it ending up a sexual one, or worse still, a loving one?

Can boys and girls be just friends?

Can boys and girls be just friends?

Here’s the thing. I speak from the place of someone who has two male best friends whom I happily tell my deepest darkest secrets to, spend time alone with, laugh with, argue with, snap at, bitch at and above all else, love wholeheartedly. However, I also speak as someone who is dubious as to whether being close friends with the opposite sex is actually feasible. Those ideas don’t really work together, do they? Hello! Welcome to my world! I went to a mixed sex secondary school. Growing up in an environment where boys were always around, throwing things in lessons, kicking footballs into large groups and chasing you around the common room, not only enabled, but encouraged friendships with boys, we saw them less as ‘items’ to speak to on Facebook, giggle at when passing on the street and kiss at discos and more as people and in some cases, the funniest people I know.

I currently work in a single sex girl’s school and the difference is astonishing. I speak generally when I say this (and with the understanding that they are young), but the girls seem to have a lack of understanding when it comes to any non-sexual relationship with, not just boys, but the entire male species. The girls will gawk and blush and point out of the window at the scruffy looking hedge trimmer with his tight fitting trousers travelling too far south causing his bottom to smile back at them and they will giggle and push each other in front of the geeky new male supply teacher. They will speak not of the funny thing Tom said at the park the other day, but of the amount of kisses and BBM Contacts received at the most recent disco.

I can’t help but feel that they are missing out; missing out on watching boys grow from the irritating idiots punching each other in the back of the classroom into some of the best friendships school has to offer. The media has always had an opinion on this ‘will they/wont they’ matter and have no doubt helped to shape the status quo. Think of Ross and Rachel (sigh), they get together in the final moments of the final episode of the final series after being on and off for years, during which time Chandler and Monica get married, on that programme, what was it called? Ah yes, FRIENDS. Not lovers, not spouses, Friends. Of course we can’t blame it entirely on the media – it’s the practicality. The thought of either of my male best friends finding the perfect girl and falling in love fills me with a mixture of delight and strangely, loss.

With or without intention our friendship would slowly become less intense as the new girlfriend would naturally become the confident and go to. And if that wasn’t the problem, the new girlfriend’s feelings surely would be; I’d like to think I’d be fine, but in all honesty I don’t know how I would feel if my new boyfriend maintained such a close and personal friendship with another girl especially the further our relationship went down the line. Anyway, I fear I have digressed in an attempt to avoid the inevitable. Of course it’s not been as plain sailing for me as I would have liked you to believe. I have failed to reveal the hours upon hours spent talking to my (female) best friends about whether ‘I like him’ or whether ’I don’t!’ It’s failed to reveal the nights I’ve cried into my pillow out of the pure frustration when not knowing how to feel. It’s failed to reveal the hours spent in the bathroom waxing, shaving, brushing and dyeing to turn myself into a different person for the sake of a ‘friend.’

Being close friends with boys has not always been (and will continue not to be I’m sure) an easy road for me, or any of my friends for that matter. But has it been interesting? Yes. Has it shaped me and my life? Absolutely. And as for my two male best friends, who may be reading this (but probably not, let’s be honest) if I end up marrying one of you, if we end up having a relationship, sexual or other or if we end up completely drifting and I turn up at your wedding, 8 years down the line, to your perfect girl, it has been totally, completely and 100% worth it.

Image reproduced from guardian.co.uk

Reasons to be Single!

Ok so summers’ drawing to an end but that doesn’t mean that we need to get our boyfriend heads on and start prowling for long term meat!  There is still so much fun to be had as a single gal in the city (or country).  There are some ideals that being single in the summer and having a boyfriend in the winter might just be the perfect combination for the girl about town.  However as the nights are drawing in there are many reasons why it’s just as fun to keep frolicking with your girls and not the boys!

31-Great-Reasons-to-Live-Single-300x199Sending quality time with your girlfriends.  You can hook up with your girlfriends at any time without having to feel guilty that you haven’t spent enough time with your boyfriend.  Cocktails with Amy on a Tuesday night without having to clear it with homeboy first.

Being able to order 241 cocktails. Being able to take advantage of 241 cocktails with your best girl.  Not having to neck 2 while homeboy sits there with a Becks.

Being able to kiss as many boys or girls as you like!  This has got to be the best reason, right?  Kissing numerous boys has got to be the highlight of being single.  The best thing about just kissing is that you don’t have to feel committed afterwards.  You can be like a teenager again and just spend your nights kissing boys with no judgement.  The best thing is, it’s completely safe and you can’t catch anything!  Ok watch out for those pesky cold sores, they’re hard to see in the dark.

Go on a girlie holiday minus the guilt.  Not having to choose between a holiday with your man and a trip to Italy with the girls.  Something all single gals should do at one point in their lives.  It’s like a rite of passage the girls holiday.  An action packed week with 3 of your best girls, that’s points 1,2 and 3 all rolled into one!  And frolic you shall!

Being able to take that promotion in London.  If you’re lucky enough to be given a job opportunity in a different area of the country you don’t have to either turn it down because your boy wont move, or have to think about anyone else’s needs.  You are free to live where you like!

Free to come and go as you please.  You can stay out till 3 am on a Wednesday night and not have to explain your actions to anyone.  Not having to pretend that you only really had 1 bottle of wine, when really it was 3 and you passed out in the toilets for several hours.

Waking up in your clothes with no judgement.  Girlfriends never judge they help you get undressed and don’t shout at you the next day for how drunk you were the night before.  They hold your hair and they get you chips on the way home.

Not having to watch the Grand Prix.  Or football, or golf or have to pretend to be interested in any of those things.  Instead choosing to watch Friends reruns on comedy central.

Wearing whatever you like.  Not having to worry your boyfriend thinks its too slutty.  Hopefully none of you will be told what to wear but sometimes a disapproving look is all it takes

Getting yourself those Choos.  Not having to wait (and wait, and wait) for someone to buy them for you.  You can stop wishing at Christmas and birthdays and just save up and buy them yourself!  Simples!

Playing Taylor Swift. Brittany, Backstreet Boys, Girls Aloud, PSY

Remember, you are not Bridget Jones.  Get your leather wet looks on and get the mojitos in ladies its 241.

Challenging Family Relationships

One of the most frequent things that I hear when I talk to people about loving yourself first is “How do I deal with negative family members?”

This is a great question.

There are no absolute answers to this but I will offer my opinion on the subject.

 

Every relationship that you have with your mother, father, son or daughter is not just a relationship between two people. It is the result of generations of family conditioning, beliefs and habits that have been passed down. We learn and model behaviours of our parents whether we like it or not as children.

An unconscious belief or pattern that you are currently running could have originated hundreds or even thousands of years ago by a long distant relative and you are just playing it out on one person who is close enough to listen to you and believe what you say to them because they trust and love you.

We are born into this world with a desire to connect and our parents are the ones who spend most time connecting with as kids. When one day they start shouting, saying negative things and appear unhappy, we take that on board emotionally and energetically. This was probably what happened to them – as they were conditioned by their parents.

All negative family members are the result of generations of conditioning that they did not have the tools to process. They were not prepared for this. They did not have the realisation to know that these feelings were not personal – just an opportunity to change their conditioning.

Because you will have hard-wired and well rehearsed responses to close family it is important to maintain a distance from anyone who is blaming you on a consistent basis. They do not realise that it is not you but generations of sameness that they are blaming.

Being big enough to grasp this concept and change the conditioning is the ultimate objective for anyone looking to move forward in a way that supports their wellbeing.

This change has 4 phases.
1. Awareness (it is not only my mum/dad/son/daughter who is negative but many years of genetic conditioning being passed along)
2. Forgiveness (everything that has ever happened has brought me to this point in my life where I am ready to be at peace with who I am)
3. Acceptance (I accept who I am and who my family are and will learn and grow from everything)
4. Positive focus (I choose to see, hear and feel only what feels good for me.)

In short – see the bigger picture, forgive the person in question and focus on what you want (or you will get what you don’t!)

Forgiveness may not happen overnight, right now. Continued focus on positive outcomes and a desire to unlearn anything that no longer serves you will certainly help though.

Image reproduced from www.torrentfrancais.com

Guide to a healthy relationship

Its 2020, and the start of a new year begins with several promises, either made to yourself or made to your significant other. A healthy relationship is a good relationship, and it takes time, patience and sacrifice to make one. In the famous words of Gloria Steinem:

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”

Every romantic relationship goes through its ups and downs, and this is the only aspect that makes your relationship even stronger. As mentioned before, every relationship requires strong dedication and the will to love, and if your dedication is not on your relation and more towards something else, which can be anything from playing slot games at online casinos or any casino sister sites to something else more bizarre and less important, you’ll eventually lose your relationship.

That is why today, we’ll be disclosing a perfect guide to keep your relationship in track and check, so you can enjoy every bit of it without worrying about anything else!

The Three C’s

Yes, The Three C’s of a relationship are the ground rules for a healthy relationship, and if you fulfill these, you’ll most likely be with your significant other till the end, regardless of the circumstances. The first is Communication, which is very important. You need to sit and think about how you need to communicate with your partner, how to convey your needs, your desires, your love, everything there is. As it is said, Communication is the key, and in a relationship, communication is everything.

Next up, we have a Compromise. If two people are in a relationship, there will always be some difference between them, no matter how perfect the relationship is, and it is the duty of both the people in a relationship to compromise and learn to understand what their partner likes and wants, rather than focus entirely on their own needs.

Lastly, we have a Commitment. This solely means to put your relationship and the one you love above anything else. In a relationship, your significant other deserves to be put above anything else when needed, and that’s exactly what you should be doing to make your relationship perfect.

“Winning” is not a goal

When it comes to relationships, winning in any aspect of it should not be your concern. When it comes to a relationship, conflict is inevitable, and it’s something you can’t deny or ignore. However, if you conflict or even a small argument, you should focus more on improving your understanding of your partner, rather than giving counter-arguments to  Ì ‘win”. If you focus on winning your relationship rather than winning your ego, you’ll have a healthy relationship at the end of every day.

Keep Intimacy Alive

When a new relationship, intimacy is everything. Most of the time, new couples are all over each other all the time. However, intimacy decreases as time progresses, but this decrease is more directed towards progress in the growth of two people together, rather than a decrease in love. However, to keep things interesting and keep your relationship healthy and in-check, keep your intimacy alive. While sex is the most common intimacy method, it’s not the only. Touch is the most fundamental part of human existence, and you can keep things interesting with a light touch, small kisses, hugs and cuddles, and much much more.

Give what you want

Treating your partner in the same way that you want to be treated by them is an essential method in keeping your relationship healthy and on track. Each of our needs changes with time when in a relationship. If you feel like you need to be more understood, you should provoke yourself to be more understandable as well. And as Doctor Strange once said, “It’s a simple spell but quite unbreakable.

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