So you’ve been dating Mr Wonderful for 6 luxurious months. It’s all hearts and flowers and looking dreamily into his eyes over the Seabass. You think he could be the one or at the very least in the running for a long term partner. 30 is fast approaching in a few years and no-one is getting any younger, no not even Katy Perry. Although you’re not quite over the hill in any sense of the word, it really is time to start thinking about the future and who you’re actually going to allow into it. Gone are the days of dating boys for 6 months, a year or 2 years and not being bothered if they are in your future or not. Getting older means not being able to afford to waste 12 months on trying to shape your boyfriend’s unambitious persona. Or spending time at each other’s house without thinking about whether you should live together or not.
There comes a time in a relationship at one time where your bio clock comes a knocking and you realise eggs are drying up quicker than Gandhi’s flip flop. You might be in your mid 20’s or your mid 30’s but at sometime or another you’re going to have to ask the question ‘Do you want children or do you want to spend the rest of your days drinking Jagerbombs and holidaying to Ibiza?’. You have a large glass of wine and wince while he ponders over what you have just said. Trying to ask this without sounding like Kathy Bates in Misery can be pretty tough.
There’s one thing phrasing the question, the other thing is timing and when to ask the question. Bringing it up on the second date can seem a little too intense and Jennifer Anniston alarm bells will start to ring gregariously in his head. However wait 2 years and you’ve found out that the two of you want totally different things and are on completely different wave lengths. 2 years wasted and big years especially if you are the one who wants children. Then you have to go through the whole dating rig moral again. Break up, spend time getting over him, then who knows how long it will take to find another suitor. This could be months in which case your over 30 now (considered an old mum in fertility terms) eggs are starting to become more extinct and I guess you want to be dating for about a year before you fall pregnant with the next guy perhaps? And then there’s deciding to get married or not before having children…Ok that’s another article altogether!
It’s a very turbulent time for a woman. We can’t all have the luxury of Charlie Chaplin lives and fathering children in our 70’s (nor would we want to!). The best way to approach this conversation to act very casual about the whole idea and see how your man reacts. Drop into conversation after a few months about your fictitious friend from marketing falling pregnant and see how he reacts. Or you could have a fake pregnancy scare? Ok maybe not… However do not I repeat not get blind drunk and ask your boyfriend of 1 year if he wants children or not, ‘because you weren’t going to waste any more time on him if he didn’t.’ Ahem.
All of this doesn’t mean you want to have children there and then, it just means that you need to put a bit of a plan together for the future. That’s the easy bit. The tricky bit is broaching the conversation with skill and prestige while remaining cool and effortless about the whole thing.
Good luck ladies and may your wombs be waiting patiently!
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