“Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but they are always perfect for you”
Most of us are aware of the age old tale of Aladdin, his trusted genie and the endless possibilities provided with the granting of three wishes. Some will even be familiar with the extremely popular adult version, which uses this wish theory to explain the ‘Law of Attraction’ principle in the book called ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. However, whilst wishing may be pleasurable, the underlying lesson of repercussions, consequences and potential devastating ramifications, seem to have been disregarded.
In the first part of this article, we looked at the danger of positive traits having a similar effect to the overconsumption of too much chocolate and effectively, turning your Mr perfect into Mr Hyde. In the second part, we will continue to look at the intrinsic qualities from our non-exhaustive wish lists, which can cause irreparable damage in our relationships if not approached with caution.
Shaken and stirred with Mr Bond!
It is an undeniable fact that chemistry requires a few elements to create sparks, the most poignant being that of visual attraction. From an early age, we subconsciously create internal visions as to what our potential future partner should look like. Whether it is the exquisitely strong, yet rugged look of men such as Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman, or the fine features of ‘pretty boys’ such as Shemar Moore and Tom Cruise, we know what we find attractive. His piercing eyes, sexy tattooed sleeves or bulging muscles may be what initially attracts you.
With the promise of a visual paradise, come the warnings of placing a colossal amount of emphasis on the looks of your potential beau. You may be content with the knowledge that you have that complete package draped on your arm, who makes your friends drool and the waitress weak at the knees, but those looks may be accompanied with unwanted baggage. They say that there is someone for everyone; however, whilst beauty may ensure attractive babies, it can also increase superfluous female attention. If you are confident, you will overcome niggling self destructive insecurities, but you may also have to battle with the worry that he will not succumb to all that female adoration. Remember, that in any relationship, it is important that both parties feel lucky with their choice of partner. Looks should only be part of that complete package, as there is no accounting for the man who continuously boasts about his fitness regime, or is unable to hold a conversation.
Coping with ‘The Joker’ in the real world!
If you ask most women what attributes they look for in a man, the majority will emphasise the need for a potential partner to have an amazing sense of humour. With the increasing popularity of men such as Ricky Gervais, Kevin Hart and Russell Brand, the need to have someone that makes you smile is palpable. As well as possessing that ability to elevate the mood after a bad day at work, a good sense of humour seems to be the one attribute that can momentarily conceal any emotional baggage, financial problems, or an extremely bad hair day!
What started off as playful amusement can potentially reduce you to tears, if he is unable to switch off the laughter tap and take things seriously. Most people appreciate jovial banter, but very few are as responsive when they are not taken seriously, or targeted as the subject matter of these jokes. Whilst there is nothing wrong with the good-humoured person who is able to see the glass half full, or alleviate the stress out of a bad situation, it is important to know when to stop. If he lacks the maturity to know that point, maybe it is best to leave him to socialise with the King or Ace in that pack of cards!
The Condescending Intellectual
Whilst most people would find a date with admirable intellects such as J.R Tolkien, Sigmund Freud or Richard Dawkins a terrifying prospect, there are those of us who find a high IQ and intelligence exceptionally attractive. His eloquent use of words, enthralment with books and theories may fascinate you and that healthy obsession with debates and discussions may have you hooked.
You should never feel intimidated by anyone you allow to enter into your personal space. Just as the ‘visually fit’ man, (who appears totally oblivious to that fact), is more appealing, the intelligent man who does not brag, appear condescending, or subjectively place himself on a pedestal, can be quite a catch. Sadly, there are those who allow certain attributes to negatively overwhelm others and whilst intelligence is attractive, if patronisingly used to make others feel bad or inept, it can also be quite embarrassing. Save yourself the blushes, looks of disapproval and self-doubt by staying away from the man whose ego grows with every book he reads.
The Flying Bachelor
On paper he is the ideal man; charismatic, ambitious and material secure, with very little external baggage or responsibilities. Very closely linked with the High flyer, he gushes with pride when he talks about his job, travels the world and invests in the latest gadgets. His dreams of a five bedroom mansion, exotic vacations and the possibility of him earning money whilst he sleeps leaves you intrigued.
Whilst he may have immense future plans, they may not necessarily include you. He may be one of those individuals who enjoys the freedom of bachelor life, where work can be a priority, he is able to make last minute plans and answers to no one, (apart from his paying boss). If after a certain period of time, he fails to extend invitations from friends, make space in his wardrobe, or can go for days without making contact, he is not ready to make any further commitment. He may be sincere with his feelings, but you should not allow him to have his cake and eat it, if it is all without action. His words may offer a blanket of security, but if his behaviour mirrors that of a single man, it may be time to let him spread his wings until he is ready to touch down on the runway.
Emergence of the Green Eyed Monster
He calls you continuously, showers you with romantic text messages and overwhelms you with his passionate gestures. Continuously talking about you to friends and family, he makes it patently clear to the outside world that you are marriage material and he is captivated. For us females, there is nothing more flattering than being showered with compliments by someone who take a protective stance around male counterparts and makes you feel like you are the only woman in the world.
This is one of the most dangerous traits, if boundaries are crossed. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, as no-one wants to share emotional attachments or intimate bonds with outside parties. At its mildest, it is a reflection of your partners’ devotion to you; but at its worst, it can place you within the startling statistics of women who endure mental and physical torture at the hands of their ‘supposed love one.’ When he starts to check your phone, demand your whereabouts, or initiates the process of isolating you from your friends and loved ones, it can lead to a slippery slope of self loathing, domestic abuse and loneliness. If you start feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, walk away before it becomes a re-enactment of the film ‘Battle Royale,’ where parties have to fight until only one is left standing!
Shared with the right individual, love can unearth amazing qualities, evolve you as a person and fine tune your outlook on life. However, it is easy to lose sight of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, as they might later become the very things that irritate and frustrate you. We may all have a secret idealistic checklist of the characteristics that we would like in a partner, but it is more important to select the individual who shares your core values, champions your beliefs and connects with you on a spiritual level. Warning signals should not only be apparent on reflection. If he has the appearance of a superhero, discard that comic and leave that fairytale land to Disney!
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