Be Careful What You Wish For – Part 1

Colin Firth as Darcy in BBC’s Pride & Prejudice

Most are familiar with the concept that like attracts like and many of us are convinced that the reason why we continue to attract similar people into our lives is because they are a reflection of who we really are. For most singletons the quest to find that perfect partner becomes complicated, when their perfectly compiled wish list, is tarred by the failure to recognize the warning signals, ghastly experiences and recurring mistakes. Our lists may adapt with age and experience, but our girlie conversations consistently centre on the dreams, hopes and expectations of the next potential suitor. Some of us remain specific (refusing to lower our standards), whilst others will be more vague yet obstinate that they base compatibility on that captivating smile, exhilarating personality, or that breathtaking spark.

Distinguishing Dr Jekyll from Mr Hyde!

Similar to the recipe for a gingerbread man, we all have a list of qualities that we each believe makes up the dream man. Alongside the numerous films and Mr Darcy type characters which dominate the romantic literature we read, there are the sultry tones of artists, such as Beyoncé, who intensify these expectations with songs such as “Dangerously in Love” and “Halo”. However, whilst dreams can motivate, inspire and encourage, they can also perilously blind the strong independent woman and create an artificial sense of reality.

Dr Banner transforms into The Hulk

In this first of a two part article, we will explore some of the endearing and persuasive characteristics and attributes, which if erroneously placed in extreme hands can change your perfect Dr Banner into his alter ego, The Hulk!

The High Flyer that can never find a place to land

One can tell he is going places with that impeccable culmination of suave suits, inimitable poise and abundant possessions. Draped in designer wear he orders everything on tab, snares one with his riveting conversations about his future business ventures and instantaneously commands respect from his colleagues and peers. With an outer exterior that exudes intelligence, confidence and ambition, he is perfect to introduce to the family and possesses the status and personality to make him a hit with your friends.

Daniel Craig as James Bond

But Beware:

It is easy to overlook the sacrifices and the time consumption that go hand in hand with high positions of responsibility. The initial buzz you experience may soon be replaced by emails, phone calls and last minute meetings that solidify your second place position on the priority hierarchy. Success has its benefits, but it can also unearth unhealthy traits such as aloofness, arrogance and over inflated egos. If you’re potential beau is familiar with calling the shots and designating tasks to over eager employees, it may be hard for him to strike a balance with someone who is stubborn, outspoken and who finds it difficult to take orders. This will inevitably, leave both parties in deadlock and incessantly engaging in a destructive power struggle.

Sadly, many women have sacrificed their development to focus on their partners’ successes only to be left behind when he gains that promotion, gets a seat in office or hits the big time. If time and attention are prominent requirements for your better half, it may be best to let that highflyer pass you by.

Like Batman, don’t be fooled by the silver tongue of The Riddler!

On first glance he may appear ordinary, however once engaged in conversation, his slick tongue, effervescent tales and flattering words have one immediately hooked. His striking presence in a crowd, flattering use of compliments in private and ultimate talent of being able to talk his way out of any situation, leave onlookers astonished and you ready to settle down.

Jim Carrey as The Riddler

But Beware:

The man, who can talk his way out of a fine, flatter the potential mother-in-law and successfully barter the price of an item, may also have the potential to effectively talk his way out of an uncompromising situation, cheat his way out of an affair and convince your family that you are the paranoid one. There is a distinct difference between eloquence and manipulation and whilst very few people have that natural ability to verbally mesmerise others, even fewer will use that talent solely for good purposes. Words speak volumes, but only actions can bring things into being. The uncontrollable urge to vocally please others may initially entice you, but verbal skills will never compensate for the disappointment, heartbreak or fund your material desires. Be wary of the man who promises you world, but fails to deliver!

The masked Mummy’s Boy

There is nothing more endearing than the man who gushes about his mother, brags about his sister and prioritises every family function. His extremely protective nature of his younger sister and the high regard he holds for his mother, emanates respect, immeasurable love and sensitivity to the spectator. His unique admiration for females, authenticate the fact that he knows how to treat a lady and the emphasis he places on the family unit, warms the hardest heart and confirms what a good father he will make one day.

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew McConaughey in Failure to Launch

But Beware:

As films like Failure to Launch demonstrate, you could become the ‘other woman’ to the man spoilt by his adoring mother, who waits on him hand and foot. The fact that he refuses to move out of home, jumps when summoned and takes a defensive stance every time his mother is mentioned can certainly be problematic. Whilst mother may always be right; the competition, constant comparisons and demotion to ‘second best’ could soon erupt into heated discussions and develop into a power struggle – a fight you are bound to lose! If he is still content with mummy’s cooking and she has an extended invitation to enter the house with a spare key, be warned, as he may not be ready to be weaned off that dummy just yet!

Everyone puts their best foot forward when they meet someone new. In an attempt to impress the other party we immerse ourselves in provisional facades; suppressing our honest thoughts, concealing our bad traits and laughing at jokes that may not appeal to our funny side. However, whilst it is imperative to know what you want, it is just as important to realise when we are faced with smokescreens, masquerades and incompatibility. Illuminating qualities in an individual are attractive, but just as Part Two of this article will demonstrate, acute and excessive use in the wrong hands, can scarily unearth the Flying Bachelor, Condescending Intellectual and most dangerously the Green Eyed Monster.

Exquisitely wrapped chocolate may look tempting whilst on the shelf, but we are all aware of the health implications of it in high doses. They say never judge a book but it’s cover, but perhaps is can be useful to sneak a peek at the introduction, reflect and flip right through to the end to avoid future heartbreak!

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About Sarah James-Cyrus

Sarah James-Cyrus is a Civil Servant and a fervent freelance, willing to tackle a wide range of subject matter, her past articles have explored political debates to poignant teen issues. Past and current clients include Teen Caribbean online, Kush magazine, The South London Press, New Black Magazine, Precious Magazine and Flavour. She has also hosted her own show Brent Youth Radio and the UK Unsigned finals. Professionally, she would say she is a visionary, quite opinionated and not afraid to push boundaries. Follow Sarah on Twitter @illusionSJC
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