About Rebecca Ripley

Rebecca is a blogger who spends her time writing about dating and relationships. She likes to draw on some of her friends dating faux pas and also writes about past relationship issues and current ones too. Rebecca often uses humour to make light of dating disasters and relationship no goes. She studied Film Studies with Women’s Studies at Gloucestershire University. Rebecca is an animal print fanatic and loves shoes. She enjoys hip hop, dancing and hanging out with her girlfriends.

Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World: Part 2

Now on top of flirting, playing it cool and trying to feel empowered all at the same time there is a little media foreplay added to the mix.  Camera phones, Skype and Facebook.  Whatever did we do without all of these media mixes?  We can talk to guys on-line without even having to meet them.  We can flirt, chat and see each other without even having to go on a real date.

The dating world has changed as more and more media aids are being brought out.  The need for discretion is completely disregarded after a couple of wines at home messaging a man you met on-line.  Personally it is not something that I would become involved in, as I am older and wiser and understand that lurid pictures can and will eventually end up in the wrong hands or worse on tin-ter-net!

I think women who are little older will understand this and will be more cautious as to what pictures go into who’s hands.  However what if you are a younger woman just starting out in the dating world and this proves to be the norm.

The way in which teenagers are dating is much different say 10 years ago.  Girls as young as 12 and 13 are having full on sex.  As I am researching this I am shaking my head like a mother would at her daughters choice of Friday night attire!  Girls of 13 having sex tsk tsk!  But really it wasn’t like that when I was younger.  I knew some girls who were sexually active very young but it was with their boyfriend and that was it.  But even then at age 12 and 13 is was extremely shocking and were not considered to be very nice girls (ahem).

Sending naked pictures to people is something of the norm these days, especially for teenagers. It’s just all to easy to do, what with Bluetooth, Facebook, camera phones and Skype. It seems that before teenagers even go on dates with each other they want to see the ‘goods’ first. It’s like nothing is a mystery when it comes to dating and teenagers. Some young girls have boyfriends that they have just starting going out with and before they even gone out they are sending naked pictures to each other! I have a teenage brother who will regularly receive naked pictures from girls he is either dating or who he has not even met! He says its normal and its harmless and that no one is getting hurt.

I do believe that there is a pressure for both these boys and girls. I think there is a pressure on these boys from their peers to get girls to send them pictures. Also I think there is certainly a pressure from these girls to send pictures out to these boys. If at a younger age girls are being pressurised into sending explicit pictures to boys it maybe just another way that the dating world has evolved. I’m not saying that I agree with it and I certainly wouldn’t encourage my son or daughter to be a part of that. However with all this new technology it’s difficult for teenagers not to experiment with these things. I think it can lead to the wrong impression but these boys need to stop asking for naked pictures and these girls need to learn to say no to giving them if they don’t want them leaked into the internet. Please read more: https://topdatingreviews.net/review/victoriabrides/

 

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Pregnant and on the Pull

Proactive or Perverse? There seems to be a rise in the amount of pregnancy dating sites now broadcast on the internet.  It seems to be the next trending thing on the market.  No longer are pregnant singles content with being left to sit with buckets of ice cream and cankle city.  They are out there looking for love with Mr Right or Mr Right Now.  The sites are quite open and explain how wonderful it is to be pregnant and what a special time this is for you and your baby.  They explain how difficult it can be to meet people whilst your pregnant and this site will help you do that.  Whether it’s a baby daddy your after or something a bit more casual then these sites are geared towards that.  They are just like regular dating sites but designed specifically for pregnant women.

Now personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to date if you are pregnant, you still have the same desires and needs as a non-pregnant woman.  What does worry me is the type of clientèle which might be inclined to use these sites.  Men who specifically want to date pregnant women, is slightly too fetish like for me.  The men who are trawling these sites are specifically looking for pregnant women.  This is much different than meeting a woman in a bar/café and then finding out she is pregnant.  Being pregnant and single I would worry me that the men on these sites were specifically turned on by my precious baby bump.  Some men are only going to be interested or turned on while your getting bigger.  Happy to sleep with you all the time you’re pregnant and then have no interest in you once the baby is here and you are bump-less.  What would also concern me is that another man is happy to have sex with a woman who has already been impregnated by another man.  It all feels a little bit too sordid for my liking.

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However of course there is always a flip side to any argument.  There are some men on the site who genuinely want to meet pregnant women because they are ready for a family.  It maybe that they have not have had any luck dating non pregnant women in the past.  It may be that they are looking for a ready-made family and are more than happy to bring up another man’s child (before he or she has even been born).  The benefits of meeting someone who is already pregnant is that you don’t need to date them for a year and then wait another year for them to get pregnant and have the child.  As a man you may be more than happy to have the ready-made family, especially if you are a little bit older and time is not on your side.

I can’t imagine this is an ideal situation for anyone, I can’t imagine anyone would want to be pregnant and single.  Being pregnant is such a wonderful time and ideally would be shared with a partner.  However not everyone is that fortunate to have that in their lives, relationships break down or pregnancy happens after a one night encounter.  These dating sites are designed to offer a solution for these pregnant women.  It’s never going to be easy trying to date as a pregnant woman, trying to detract the genuine nice guys from the freaks who just want to grab your bump and leave you once the baby actually gets here.

It’s something that’s becoming more and more socially apt, the dating sites have proved that.  I’m not sure it’s something I would delve into if I was in that situation.  I would be personally be too worried about my prospective dates intentions.  I think it’s easy enough to put dating on hold for a few months while you’re harbouring a child and just to concentrate on giving your child a good home while he or she is growing inside you.  And who wants to do a first date sober anyway.

Women’s Changing Roles in the Dating World

I remember asking my nan about dating and relationships and how she and my granddad got together.  It was a completely different world back then.  The men would pick up the women from their houses up with no less than a bunch of flowers.  Normally having to have the awkward conversation with the dad (still do sometimes).  The evening would then commence would with a trip to the movies and then for fish and chips on the promenade afterwards (weather permitting).  Of course he would pay and there would be no grey areas about that (not like these days).  These days it’s kind of down to the bloke to pay but you have to always make sure that you offer and that you actually have enough cash on you in case he (shock) doesn’t pay!  Afterwards back then he would walk you home and thank you for joining him.  Maybe a peck on the cheek if he was lucky but definitely not on a first date, I think things were much simpler back then.  It all seemed much more innocent back then, I mean when you dated someone you only dated one person.  There was no chance of trying to date his brother too!  Or dating someone else at all.  Not like these days where women like to keep their options open now, and it is encouraged to date more than one man at a time.  I encourage my friends to do it in all honesty.  I tell them until they know they are really keen on each other, then to keep their options open.

Back then it was the men who did all the asking and if you agreed to go out on a date you wouldn’t date anyone else in between.  It was just not the done thing.  The men did the asking and people only dated one person at a time.  What was also different was women’s approach to sex.  I think men’s have always been similar, try to get as much as possible whenever possible!  No matter what decade it is!  However women years ago sex was something a lot of women waited until married and if not married were defiantly in a secure relationship.  Not like now where women’s approach to sex can be seen as more masculine these days.  Not waiting as long to sleep with a man, having one night stands and threesomes are not uncommon these days (but that’s another blog altogether).  Getting hammered and having a one night stand is seen as the norm these days.  It’s almost part and parcel for some girls on a night out.  If they haven’t pulled then the night was just not worth it!

Women’s priorities have changed when it comes to dating.  When women go out on dates their not looking for potential suitors or men that they necessarily want to marry as soon as they meet them.  (Ok so some women are).  They are looking for someone who can make them laugh, treat them nicely and someone who can take them out for fish and chips (maybe).  The way in which women have dated has changed, because women’s priorities have changed.  Women don’t all want or need to be married at age 20, in fact its completely frowned upon now at that age!  There are more important things to think about like travelling, careers and friendships. This is why the rules have dating have changed is because women’s need for dating has changed.  Yes sometimes all women want is a man for 6 hours of the night and not the rest of her life.  As long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is practising this safely then we need not worry.  The dating world will just keep evolving before we know it having 2 or 3 partners at a time will be the norm! (Ok maybe not?!).

Give me an F!

What is it about men and the F Word? And by that I mean Feelings. Why are we unable to get an emotion out of a guy? Is it something they are born with, or something they learn over Xbox and packets of pork scratchings. Trying to get an emotion out of a guy is like trying to muffin top yourself into those size 6 jeans. As long as you wear a long top, some heels and large accessories nobody will know that the button mark has now indented itself onto your belly button.

It’s the same with blokes, if they don’t talk about it its not really there. If a guy has a problem then it’s a case of doing everything they possibly can not to deal with it. They’ll go for a drink, wash the car or play Xbox. They seem to have no problem with bottling those demons about work, friends or relationships up. It’s us girls that’s that want to wrench it out of them, like a teenager with too much ache. Pick, pick, pick we go until all the venom is out of you.

Half the time the problem is not even with you and it lies with us. If us girls have a problem we like to talk it through with our girlfriends, get a 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinion from the barmaid after one too many chardonnays. We need to seek advice from our nearest and dearest and that includes you boys too. Don’t get me wrong, nobody likes an emotional wreck of a girlfriend; boohooing because Billy Mitchell ‘just can’t catch a break’. Or because your best mate said those jeans are in fact too tight for you. Nevertheless we girls need a little TLC from our boyfriends sometimes.

When we are seen to be slumped in the other room watching re runs of How I Met Your Mother, necking a large glass of vino; know that popping your head around the bedroom door with a “You ok babe?” and walking off is never going to suffice. Ignoring us will only anger us and we will be forced to plot ways to hurt your Xbox in our dreams. To be ignored is like being dragged past Kurt Geiger in a hurry because “you don’t need another pair of shoes”. It’s because we think that you don’t care, when deep (deep) down we know you do. We don’t need a rendition of A Midsummer Nights Dream (complete with feather hat and quill)… trust me we have no delusions of grandeur here. Just for you to listen, smile, nod along and put your arm around us and tell us it’s ok.

Boys would rather run into the arms of the public house than see us girls upset, not because you don’t care but because you don’t know how to handle us. Having an emotional conversation with your girlfriend is about as appealing as sitting through the opera. Long winded, tearful and sometimes high pitched.

We are simple creatures really… honest. We don’t bite but we may cry a bit. Just don’t mention our muffin top!

What is Considered Cheating?

The definition of infidelity (according to Wikipedia) Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) most commonly refers to a breach of an expectation of sexual and or emotional exclusivity expressed or implied in an intimate relationship.

So the definition states that to cheat is to have an affair whether it be emotional or sexual within an intimate relationship.  I agree with that definition that to cheat is to become involved in an intimate relationship.  I also agree that this can be classed as sexual or emotional.  We all know what sexual infidelity is; making out with the local playboy after one too many Jagerbombs.  However what constitutes as emotional infidelity.  Is it being in love with someone, a little flirting with a work colleague or few flirty texts to a friend of yours?

We all know that a full on rendezvous back to his place is classed as cheating well unless you people are in open relationships (that’s another article).  Also that full blown affairs of the heart are normally classed as a big no no.  Sleeping with another man or woman who isn’t your partner is the ultimate in cheating behaviour.  We’ve all been drunk and in situations we’d rather forget with people we’d rather of never met!  Going out with the girls and getting so drunk that you claim you didn’t know what you were doing is one way of looking at kissing someone you shouldn’t have.  You did something that you shouldn’t do and most probably feel really bad for it.  Snogging someone is one thing, but is a kiss on the lips the same as kissing someone with tongues? A kiss on the lips can either be a quick peck or it can be long and lingering and can be just as damaging to your relationship as the proverbial peck.  I think many people would justify a kiss with no tongues as it’s not intimate right?  I kiss my mum and my best friend on the lips, I don’t use my tongues so surely its not cheating?  I think it all boils down to how you feel afterwards, if there is a pang of guilt attacking your heart then it is probably something you should speak to your partner about.

What about girls kissing girls?  Is that still cheating?  Or a bit of fun that your boyfriend wouldn’t mind being involved with, (and possibly sorry that he actually missed it).  Not very long ago I was chatting to a girl in a club and she clearly took my compliments about her tattoos as an opening to come and checkout what I’d had for breakfast because she full on lunged at me and kissed me.  I was in total shock, that’s not to say I didn’t kiss her back!  It was fun but not something I had initiated and would probably never initiate.  But afterwards I felt so guilty I had to tell my boyfriend as soon as I got in that night and then again the next day to make sure he had remembered!  Luckily he was fine with it and just thought it was funny, but I’m sure we would be having a very different conversation if it was a drum and bass wannabe shoving his tongue down my throat!

What about texting and flirting with people?  Is this classed as cheating?  Flirting is one thing, laughing a bit too much at some guys jokes and flicking your hair at every pun (intended).  Some people are just born flirts and flirt with everyone they know and claim they don’t know there doing it (hmm).  Flirting is one thing but exchanging numbers with someone (other than your boyfriend) is another thing.  Sexting is something that everyone is all too familiar of, especially those kids off of TOWIE, it’s all they every do is sent flirty texts to each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends, then consequently spend days rowing about it for days afterwards.  It’s a sneaky way of cheating really as nothing physical goes on, nobody is kissing or making out outside cheeky chicken.  However it is flirty, sexy and can be worse than kissing someone in my eyes.  These are premeditated sexy messages to another person who isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend.  I think I would rather have my boyfriend kiss another girl drunkenly that get involved in sexting.  At least the kiss is over and done with and he can feel guilty about it for weeks afterwards.  Texting or even calling another person in secret can be just as damaging as the physical infidelity.

Everyone’s perceptions of cheating are going to be different, depending on the type of relationship you have, or what kind of relationship you are in.  However if you are cheating then you probably shouldn’t be in the relationship at all.  If you haven’t told your partner about you kiss, text etc, then it’s probably classed as cheating.  If you feel guilty about it then you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all….so step away from the instant message.

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Trick or Treat?

Halloween is my favourite time of year and always has been.  The thing with Halloween is why us girls love it so much because, let’s be honest it’s the one day of the year we can dress up in next to nothing and have nobody pass judgement on us.  It’s not even about dressing up to scare people anymore; it’s more a case of snaring people come the 31st.  I think what attracts us to the whole dressing up idea is that we can be an alter ego for the night.  We put on a false façade and pretend to be someone else for the next 8 hours.

It can give us a sense of empowerment I think when we dress up.  We can hide behind our real self for the night or take on our new found persona.  I think being dressed up and chatting up guys is such a great combination.  It’s a definite conversation starter and you can get in character a bit with the outfit you have taken on.  If you have a great outfit on, men want to come and talk to you and women well wish they had chosen that outfit for themselves.  It’s a win, win!

The fun thing about meeting guys in costume is that you can’t always be too sure what they look like underneath if they’re wearing a mask or lots of war paint.  So it’s a great time for personalities to shine through!  Its exhilarating to not quite know what they look like or who they might really be under the outfit.  If you find yourself getting into character for Halloween then I find it can be a real confidence booster when talking to your prospective dates for that evening.

When I met my boyfriend I’d organised a Halloween party at my house.  Of course there were boys there who were Uncle Fester, ghosts and Donnie Darko’s for the night but the girls went for a more imaginative look.  We had pirates, an Amy Winehouse look alike and then me, a Moulin Rouge impersonator.  I was going for sultry and leggy for the evening.  I was single and looking to embark on a more lewd outfit the course of play.  I thought that hot pants, fishnets, a corset complete with feather headdress and long gloves would do the trick, as I attempted to woo my prospective boy for the evening.

A few hours in and a few vodkas in I began to have second thoughts.  It’s not something I would attempt again, because what with the 5inch heels and giant hair feathers I was about 10 feet tall, unable to cruise under doors without the aid of Miss Winehouse to help me.  I looked like a drunken old drag queen by the end of the night!  I was just glad I was in the safety of my own home and not in some club, having to drag myself home minus a glove and feathers at 3am.

Gone are the days of ugly pointy nosed witches and scary looking ghosts, it’s all about sexy pirates and cheerleaders to fantasise about.  However, I did don a Mummy outfit last year.  Head to toe in bandages and white face paint with black eye rims and a bloody face.  Complete with actual first aid bag.  Not sexy, not seductive and not sultry.   Just bandages unravelling come 1am and birds nest hair where my makeshift ‘mummy’ headband had come loose.  However the first aid bag was a real talking point and I proceeded to put on my best ‘dead’ pose when I was trying to avoid drunken ghouls.

However my first attempt at a Halloween ensemble did not scare my prospective man (too much).  Even when he did have to peel feathers out of my hair come the early hours.  I’m told I am the best looking drag queen this side of Kemp Town.  We have made it through 4 happy Halloween’s together complete with Mummy outfits and all, I just haven’t broken the feathers out since.

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Birthday Expectations

Today is my birthday but what is it about a birthday that brings out the diva in us girls? It’s all about me, me, me for 24 hours, the world is mine and I shall do with it whatever I choose (or tell you to do). It’s like our inner Veruca Salt (the dreadful spoilt one in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) has finally found a voice for one day of the year. Daddy I want a pony and I want it now! Replace daddy with ‘baby’ and pony with the word ‘Louboutins’ and you have your very own rendition of super sweet sixteen in the middle of your twenties.

I’m a big birthday girl myself, love my birthday and I love celebrating other peoples especially my boyfriends. I love to spoil him, take my time choosing the prefect gift and take him somewhere fancy for the night and get dressed up. Plus drinking in the middle of the day is expected on birthdays, (anyone’s birthday I find).


Of course we want a little bit of pampering and to be spoilt for the day from our loved ones (it’s the only day of the year that you can’t shout at us or tell us no). OK so we know the Louboutins aren’t coming (sign) but we have a day of fun to look forward to right? Maybe a nice lunch or a bit of sight-seeing or shopping, followed by a martini at happy hour. Well not for a dear friend of mine who shall remain nameless for today. Her boyfriend did the exact opposite to her, with a big build up to the day and how excited she was going to be on her birthday. He told her that he had a fabulous day planned and that she was going to love what she’d done for her. So you can imagine the thoughts swimming round in her head. Oh a puppy maybe, a new car, or a trip to London shopping with unlimited access to the platinum, topped off with a trip to Gordon Ramsey’s. How exciting. So they get up and travel up to London all going swimmingly so far yes this could be Oxford Street and a boozy lunch in store, wonderful. Realising they had not got off at Oxford Street, wonders what they could be doing. Slowly, slowly more and more signs for London Zoo appear. OK that’s fine it must be past the zoo whatever where doing? Surely her boyfriend cannot be taking her to London Zoo for her 30th birthday. Surprise! Well that could be a deal breaker for some people, especially when she gets home to a surprise party to find that there is no actual present from her man to be opened at the end of the night. Just a bit of left over zoo food and a guide map.

The fact that there was some thought put into the day is very sweet, but sometimes things can be built up too much from you man and you wish they hadn’t said a word. We love a guy who puts imagination into the day, If thoughts gone into it then we play along and tell you that we love it. However on the other hand some men think it is acceptable to do nothing on their girlfriend’s special day. Another girl I know has been with her partner for many years and every year it’s the same thing. No present, she’s booking the restaurant herself and normally paying for it too. Now there’s a birthday treat you’d rather not get excited for.

Personally I found that going to Las Vegas stopped all of that birthday expectations build up! I was in Vegas seeing a show and having a fancy dinner with my man. I had a wonderful day because I was in Vegas baby! I refused to celebrate my 30th birthday in England, I decided this would be depressing enough as it is without visiting the local hang outs and someone being sick on my shoes come midnight. I advise anyone who has a birthday coming up and does not have faith in their partner to do the right thing, then to book a holiday immediately! He won’t have to put as much effort into it as you will already be happy enough to be on holiday and the chances are you won’t be expecting too much either. Just stay away from the local zoos.

Drunken Holiday Flings… Not A Good Look!

Having recently returned from a week in Portugal I noticed how full of Brits and Irish people it was.  I can’t say that this was what I was expecting, I never really choose to go abroad to be surrounded by people from my home town.  Nevertheless I was with my man and no amount of build me up buttercup was going to put a dampener on my hols.  There was a lovely little square in the centre dubbed ‘The Old Town’ which was full of cute little fish restaurants along the seafront and some not so cute British looking bars.  There were however a lot of young families and couple frequenting these places (and the odd stag do which we tried to avoid of course).

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One day we decided to check out ‘The Strip’ in a different part of town.  Not to be confused with the Las Vegas Strip and everything glorious it has to hold there.  This strip however was a debauchery of loud English stag and hen do’s, followed by even louder northern lasses looking for a “good time”.  I use the word good loosely as who knows how good anything is after 8 Jagerbombs and 12 double vodka and cokes.

Neon lights and the promise of 2-4-1 jelly shots at happy hour engulf these randy holiday makers.  What makes for a sexy 3am finish?  An abundance of alcohol and a Bon Jovi track to boot.  ‘Yes we really are halfway there’.  Brummie girls followed by young Irish men fill the streets of the Portugal strip tonight.

What makes these holiday makers sleep with whatever is on offer at that time at night? Girls in bikinis, guys with six packs all smelling of Hawaiian Tropic in the midday sun is just the beginning of Temptation Island for that week.  Drinking in the heat equipped with half naked testosterone roaming the sand dunes is enough to make many people turn on their backs.  Some of these girls and guys may not dream of partaking in such tom-foolery  back on home turf.  Men and women who have come on these single sex holidays.  You know the ones ‘Whores on tour’ or ‘Stags to Shag’.  They suddenly forget all about their relationships back home and the rules of relationship norms.  I.e. no sexy cuddles on the beach or on frolicking under clothes on the dance floor (because that still counts you know).  Partners are forgotten back home for some of these amorous holidaymakers and the next 7 days are a free for all apparently.   It’s a no holds barred 2 for the price of 1 action.

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The thrill of being in a different country, a hot Irish accent and endless fishbowl cocktails is all too tempting for some happy campers.   Sleeping with a stranger on holiday is seen as more acceptable than sleeping with someone from your local apparently.  It’s totally acceptable and more often than not encouraged.  ‘Oh you’re on holiday, have some fun’ or ‘what happens on the strip, stays in the strip’.  Until pictures get posted on Facebook that is.  It can become like a huge challenge for people out there to sleep with as many people as possible in the time they have.  Sun worshippers getting as drunk as humanly possible and putting the evening’s actions down to ‘maybe my drink got spiked’ and acute memory loss it would seem.

The more notches in the sand the better, especially for the girls it can seem.  However try this one nighter action back at home and you take the name fishbowl to a whole other level.

How is the One Night Stand Perceived?

It’s 2 am. It’s Friday night and the only thing you’ve had down your throat this evening is vodka tonics and the dirty blonde who’s name you don’t care to remember.  The bar is ready to close up soon but the two of you are not done partying.  The choice is a bag of chips in the kebab shop which may well give you too much time to sober up; or back to theirs for a few warm coronas and a warm bed perhaps?

So you take a taxi back together and continue the party till the wee small hours.  Laughing, kissing and telling each other how beautiful you look tonight are all part of the fun.  A few more drinks perhaps (or maybe a coffee after you have stumbled in your Kurt Geiger’s through the door) and let the good times roll.

Next morning can be an awkward flurry of gathering up clothes and trying to rush out the door before his house-mates spot you.  Or it can turn ugly, he won’t leave and is hanging around until well into Saturday Kitchen.  You’ve politely made him a cup of tea and after another hour you make your excuses as to having a date with your nursing home granny for lunch and no he can’t come.

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The problem is with a one night stand, is can be a drunken bit of fun when both parties want the same thing.  However once the curtains are drawn and the sheets need to be changed, a cold harsh reality sets in.  So how do men and women actually feel about each other after a one night stand?  What vibe does it give off to the other person?  The general consensus for both parties was that one night stands were a bit of fun and nothing more.  As lovely as the night may be, one night stands make no room for potential partners or someone you would like to take home to mum (or granny).

A one night stand gives off a slightly sleazy vibe; they are generally not something you can build a relationship on.  The reason being is that once that barrier has been broken, there’s no going back.  There’s no room for playing hard to get or trying to be aloof as you have already given up the goods at the first hurdle.  Of course there is an exception to the rule where one couple did go on to get married I suppose but remember it’s called an exception for a reason.

Some of the women I spoke to admitted that one night stands were not for them, purely for emotional reasons.  Some women will just generally get attached too quickly; once opening up sexually and emotionally to someone to not have this followed through with a relationship or even a second date can be too detrimental for them.

Men will generally feel elated, manly and full of meaty testosterone the night after a one night stand.  Whereas women will generally feel like they have just unwittingly notched another pointless gash on the bedpost.  As fun as it maybe there’s always a slight hint of shamefulness when your flagging a cab down in last night’s undies

Going into a one night stand can be like going into battle, you need lots of protection and not let your emotions get involved if you’re going to make it through the night.  Hard hats and hard hearts at the ready.  The only way to salvage any dignity is to scuttle out the door early enough leave him wanting more and hope that you wore jeans out that night instead of a micro mini when trying to flag your cab down.

Dating in the Workplace

What makes us want to date people in the workplace?  With the office being the forefront of most workplace shenanigans.  With nothing but computers, photocopiers and paperwork to focus on from 9-5, is it any wonder we suddenly have a look around elsewhere.  Steve from accounts has always been a bit dull, but after being transferred to that department a different side suddenly opens up.  Hardly an opening for 50 Shades of Grey, more like 50 Shades of Grey hair.  What attracts us suddenly to Steve in Accounts or Darren in Marketing?  Gradually his stories about finance begin to grow on you and you realise that his ever so slightly receding hairline is actually kinda cute.  Not only that but it’s partly down to laziness too.  You don’t even need to try and flirt that hard because you already know him.  You spend 8 hours a day with him already, know that he has a cat called Thomas and likes to watch re runs of CSI Miami.  You spend all day chatting and in between the real work and spread sheets, you find out that you like going to the same bars and know someone that he went to school with.  It’s like a first date but over the course of 3 months.

Slowly but surely you’re putting a bit more make up on in the morning and wearing a higher heel that would succumb to a health and safety briefing.  Going to work is that little bit more interesting because you’ve got yourself a crush.  God Steve from accounts is suddenly your crush!  Little looks are being thrown to each other in the weekly team brief and you make sure you get the teas in the same time as him.  Hovering over the water fountain like a gazelle in mating season, all lengthy and full of eyelashes.  Lingering looks turn into lunches together and staying late to catch up on assignments.  Flirting turns into brushing past each other at the photocopier.  By this point you have already had each other numbers for some time (work related reason of course) and little text messages pop up now and then.  ‘You look cute in that skirt today xx’.  It’s exciting and exhilarating knowing that you have a little play mate at work,  makes the day go quicker.  Before you know it you are texting each other to go and get stationary supplies (yes it is that cliché in the office).  Pretending to get staples and highlighters but just having a feel up of each other in the 5 minutes you have before your crazy menopausal boss realises you’ve gone.  Of course you return empty handed.

This is the lazy girls way to dating my friend.

This is all very well and good until you become the brunt of Melissa’s idle gossip at the fountain.  A few strange looks from girls you hardly know.  You overhear yours and Steve’s name in the canteen and realise that possibly your little secret is out.  Worried that your boss may find out, you tell Steve that people are inadvertently writing this about you on Facebook, and that you don’t want to be perceived as the office bike.

Eventually after weeks of flirting and dodgy looks at the watering hole, you all go out on a Friday night after work.  11 vodkas and 2 Sambuca’s later it’s just the two of you, drunk, snogging in the back of the taxi and telling each other how awkward this is going to be on Monday.

Its sure is, as Monday rolls around you both walk in sheepishly to the office, your back in your flat shoes and eased up on the lip gloss.  Your team mates are asking ‘What happened to you two after we left?’  As you dart looks at each other and conduct a faux story of leaving just after everybody else, separately.  Of course nobody believes you and the next few weeks you are subjected to groups of girls whispering about you, like you’re in year 9 again.  Your shade of grey rendezvous is over and now Steve is ignoring you.

The moral of the story is don’t eat where you sleep, it will end in tears.  Mostly yours and not his.

Read more here: http://datingreviewer.org/victoriadates-dating-site-review/

 

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When Life Takes Over

So it’s been a good 10 years of drinking, debauchery and some promiscuity thrown into the mix.  Mojitos on a Tuesday and suddenly realising its 4am.  Partying till dawn on a weekend and having to choose between buying food and going out that night, (food always lost).  The biggest priorities in my life used to be making sure I didn’t wear the same top 2 Saturdays in a row in case someone actually noticed!  Spending my last £50 on new shoes and accessories.  I used to spend whole days getting drunk and would be out 3-4 nights a weeks with my buddies.  This was what my life was about, partying, having fun and buying out Smirnoff for a small fee!  But there comes a time in life when all that changes for some people, mainly me.

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Yes I am swapping Smirnoff for sudocream on a Friday night and Mojitos for milk because in a couple of weeks’ time I will be wholly responsible for another human being.  Making sure this person is fed and watered and content and warm.  Making sure they have everything they need all the time, that they don’t over heat or become too cold.  Basically spending everyday trying not to kill them and making sure they are OK!  My life is soon to become swamped with pampers and cute little baby grows, booties and hats, swaddles and play mats.  Now if I have a spare £50 it’s spent on sterilisers, baby grows and cot bedding!  It’s amazing how much preparation goes into someone who isn’t even here yet.

Your life goes from 60 – 0 in a matter of minutes, from the moment that clear blue PREGNANT sign flashes up.  It’s a case of ok so no more wine on a Tuesday (or any night for that matter), no more shellfish or soft cheeses in case of bacteria which will harm this little person.  Who by the way at this point in probably the size of an acorn.  No more piping hot baths, just luke warm ones in case little one over heats.  Let’s take all these delicious foods and drinks you have once been indulging in and replace that with constant vomiting, swollen ankles and heartburn so bad that it wakes you up in the night and you find that the only drink you can consume is water.  Drinking gaviscon like its milk on a daily basis!  These are the new cocktails that consume your life for the next 9 months.  Yummy.  Mummy.

The day that you realise your skinny jeans cannot be shoehorned into anymore is a sad day and wondering if they are every actually going to fit you again is even sadder!  Frantically smothering myself in bio oil for fear of hideous stretch marks may surface, and at £20 a bottle is not cheap my friends!  Weight gain where your too fat for your own clothes but not big enough for maternity stuff.  But then you get past the just looking like you’ve had a really big sandwich stage and your bump suddenly appears and it’s magical and it all becomes very real.  Suddenly all you want to do is show off your big tummy to the world.  All the heartburn, the vomiting and the constant trips to the toilet suddenly become all worth it as you are cooking a baby in there and it all becomes very real.  It’s the beginning of a new life where you have to put someone else before yourself.

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It’s a scary and exciting time for everyone involved and I wasn’t sure I was ready to begin with.  To be responsible for another person, ready to give up my life of doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and not having to think about anyone else really.  However its come to a time now where I cannot wait for my little pumpkin to get here, I’m counting down the days until he or she arrives!  I have realised that I will have found my new happiness and it involves goodnight cuddles, bath time, bedtime stories, all the kisses I can muster and an unconditional love for my new best friend.

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How Important is Money in a Man?

How much emphasis do we put on money when searching for an appropriate suitor?  Is it a factor inbred into our nervous systems when looking for our prince (or pauper)?  Oh none I hear you cry?  Money doesn’t matter it’s the person inside and that’s all that matters you say?  OK I believe you….  However there are of course out there obvious gold-diggers who wouldn’t even entertain the idea of dating a man who didn’t earn a comfortable 3 holidays a year, 80k and above.  These women are the obvious kind of money orientated women who believe that St Tropez and Dubai is part and parcel of having an affluent boyfriend.  These women you will usually find propped up against a pole or on Sugardaddie.com searching for a meal ticket to feed their 5 kids.  These are not the lawyers and barristers of the world, oh no.  These are the women who couldn’t make their own money and are looking for someone who does.

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Diamonds – A Girl’s Best Friend?

Nonetheless you don’t need to be so obvious with the wealthy attributes to realise what you will put up with and what you won’t.  There are plenty of my girlfriends who are more than happy to date men who earn less than them and I feel that is very commendable.  How much less is anyone’s guess?  Many men I know don’t feel comfortable with that especially if the wage gap is more than about 10k.  However many man would relish in this prospect of having a 21 century business like woman on their arm.  However there are a number of my girlfriends who have a strict policy of how much a guy should earn and what type of car he drives.  Mercedes tick; Renault Clio keep driving.  They believe that a man should pay for the restaurant, for the holiday and for the jewels.  If they expect all this from their partner then they should not be expected to be treated like an equal.  Instead expect to perform favours on tap and be dropped for someone younger, thinner and prettier in 6-8 months.

Some women consider it merely wanting to feel ‘looked after’.  I use the term loosely because unless you are a bed wetting 5 year old then being able to look after yourself should be second nature in a grown up’s world.  This can boil back to traditions where men were seen as the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home baking bread and baring children.  However in the day and age where women want to be seen as more and more equal especially when it comes to money, to only date men who earn more than you seems rather un equal.  It reverts back to the man being in control and the woman a submissive to his wallet.  It’s no more than what a lady of the night does, sleeps with men for money.   Gold digging women are just a glorified tanned version of a street walker who’s possibly trying to make a better life for herself and her children.

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Peter Jones – Does Money Make the Man?

For all you ladies out there earning a respectable 25k and above, would the idea of entertaining a man on a meagre 15k salary excite you?  Probably not no, does that mean you should dump him?  Probably not no.  The questions you need to ask yourself before hitting delete are reasons why he is earning what he’s earning?  Is it lack of ambition or just a situation where he is trying to better himself and has to work his way up from the bottom.  Simply putting complete emphasis on how much the guy earns is very shallow.  Ok so we may look unimpressed when he rolls up in a Primark suit and pays for dinner with a voucher off of his bus ticket but he could be a really sweet guy who believes there is more to life than money.  He may rather be doing a job that he loves for less pay than work in hideous office with bonuses, suits and company laptops.  If that is the case then don’t let money get in the way of true happiness.  However if he is just a lazy stoner working in Burger King, then him and the Renault Clio can keep driving.

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Is Our Private Life Ever Really Private?

http://askamydaily.com/snooping-presents-relationship-issuesHow often have you been on a night out with your girlfriends or with your man, and have woken up to your news feed covered in pictures of you from the night before?  Starting the beginning of the night looking like Angelina Jolie, eyelashes pristine and clutch bag intact, fast forward a few hours outside the cab rank looking like Amy Winehouse.  Friends status’ where they have tagged you in explaining to the world how many Jagerbombs you did and how many tables you danced on/and fell off.  Our friends and family have now become the local paparazzi’s of the decade.  Watching our every move and threatening to tag us in the end of evening shenanigans.  Not only after nights out but embarrassing quotes we have come out with or unflattering mug shot / side boob pictures of that dress that doesn’t quite sit right.

The recent pictures of young Miss Middleton go to show that not even royalty are safe from the prying eyes of social media.  Weather these were old or new pictures it does not matter.  When Ashton Kutcher posted the picture of his then beloveds behind, Demi Moore on Twitter back in August 2009.  Talk about an invasion of privacy.  Famous or not I think many women would view this as an almost dump-able offence, being snapped in your granny pants by your boyfriend for all to see.  Whatever you may think of the prank, secretly it’s nice to know that celebs are just like us and they wear big granny pants sometimes too.  That they don’t always take a flattering shot and have cellulite like the rest of us (OK maybe she didn’t have any cellulite).

Alongside unflattering photos your friends make take of you, Facebook and Twitter are now becoming excellent reasons to snoop on your partner without them knowing that you are.  Every status update now tracks exactly where you are in the country, and who he has recently become ‘friends’ with.  When he says he is at Steve’s house playing Xbox but his news feed is showing he is actually in Central London you know something’s up.  I was out with a girlfriend the other day; we had been to the cinema and then went for a few drinks afterwards.  Now before I had even ordered the drinks, she had already tagged the two of us on Facebook at ‘The Western Front’ and was taking pictures of the two of us in said pub.  Now not that I have anything to hide from my boyfriend but if for any reason I didn’t want him to know I was there or with that person then I would have no way of keeping that private.  The two of them are on Facebook so can access both mine and each other’s news feeds.  Sometimes it’s not always about wanting to keep anything from your partner or friend, its more about not wanting the whole world to know you’re every move.  Sometimes you may want to lay low if you’ve had a row with your boyfriend, take solace in the pub with a girlfriend for a few hours.  You return home and of course say you have been for a walk to clear your head only to find out when you’ve returned he actually already knows you’ve been in the bat and ball with Lucy.

It’s the pictures of your new boyfriends ex-girlfriend sprawled all over his Facebook profile which you despise the most.  Only after a few months that you demand they are deleted from his life.  Not like the old days when you could just simply hide a few photos in the back of your underwear draw.  Not only that it seems like people’s whole relationships are now decided by what ‘Relationship Status’ you have decided to put yourself in.  If he hasn’t put that he’s in a relationship after 2 months then it’s obvious he wants to meet other women and accept friend request of random girl’s right?  No not true, some men are just that lazy that they are too idle to change it.  My boyfriend’s relationship status was ‘In a Relationship’ as soon as we met (because of course I Facebook stalked him as soon as I found out his last name).  This completely freaked me out as we hadn’t even slept together at this point!  It was only a few months down the line he told me he had never actually changed it from his previous relationship.  Nice.  Personally I don’t have a status as I do not need to tell the world I’m in a relationship nor when I break up with someone to then be in breach of mass pitying on my wall.

Whether you are into social media or not, the fact is someone you know or your friends or boyfriend are more than likely are into it.  The only way to keep your private life private is to stop going out apparently.

(Becca Ripley was at Home)

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New Year’s Dating Regimes

What are peoples top New Year’s resolutions for 2013?  It seems that losing weight is at the top and things like finding a new job that kind of thing.  However hunting for a new man appears to be high on the agenda for singletons in the UK.  According to Match.com the on-line dating site it typically sees an increase of 25-30 per cent between the period of December 26 and February 14.  It seems that single gals are logging on as soon after Christmas as Boxing Day!  Not leaving anything to chance!  Turkey barley digested, Quality Street still looming and it’s straight on the man hunt for some saucy singletons!

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Not only is the man hunt starting directly after Christmas but its continuing right up until Valentine’s Day itself!  In the vain hope that even on Valentine’s Day logging on, a date might still be on the cards.  New year’s dating is not just about logging on (complete with Christmas jumper and hat).  Its about reflecting on past relationships and possibly trying not to make the same mistakes again.  Doing your up most not to pick the same scrotum’s  which seem to flock ever so gradually towards you.  Think about the type of men you have gone for in the past year and do the exact opposite of that!  Reflecting on why your last relationship ended, was he too clingy, was you too clingy.  Did you stalk his Facebook every time he went out to track his every movement?  (Come on we’ve all done it) 11:52 pm and he’s checked in to Mahiki nightclub even though he said he wasn’t going clubbing.   Was the reason the last relationship fail because you pick immature guys?  As cute as 1D Harry is those curly brown locks are never gonna make it through the long haul or even through a Long Island Iced Tea.  Cute as they maybe younger boys will not always live up to the relationship so many of us crave.  Good for house parties, sneaking into clubs and general frolicking.  Bad for anything long term, that includes epic movies, road trips and attention spans.

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Instead of going for your usual long, dark and full of it number, try looking at different kinds of specimens out there.  They don’t have to be nerdy and resemble Peep Show’s Mark Corrigan just someone who has more to offer than looks.  Or if you normally go for Towies James Argent of this world (God forbid), then don’t!  Look for someone with a different look or characteristics.  If Skater boys have proved to bring you nothing but trouble with their intense good looks and laid back dress sense, then it’s a city boy that you need to open your mind to.

New Years is a great way to meet new people.  People love a fresh start and it can be the same with finding a new man too!  The idea is to change who you normally go for.  It’s easy to get stuck in a dating rut, dating the same types of guys, floppy hair, piercings and who look like they have just stepped out Edward Scissorhands.  But the world is full of many many men to explore.  Give the shy and retiring guy a go, if you’re usual is Mark Wright’s answer to Brighton and has proved not to be working for you.  You will find that he will probably pay you more attention and not have slept with 8 out of the 10 girls in the bar with you.

Just stay away from the Arg’s of this world!

Dating in Football Season (Why Bother!)

Football season has started yet again, did it ever finish I hear you say?  That’s because it lasts from August to May every year!  With minor breaks for Christmas and New Years it would seem.  Of course any guy who is into football becomes overtly excited as football season approaches.  The fact that they have had a 3 whole months without a snifter of football (we all know that’s a lie) there are always random games on which mean nothing to us.  Apparently a ‘friendly’ is still classed as real game.  But what happens to all the WAGS out there when the dreaded football season starts again?  For all those die hard football fans who think that missing a game between Wigan and Scunthorpe is like missing the eclipse of the sun.  Where were you when Scunthorpe drew 2 – 0?

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We get cast aside, well for the first few months at least anyway, until the excitement has died down and the realisation that MOTD (Match of the day for anyone who has a life out there) can be sky plus-ed.  Mid-week Wednesday’s date night to the local Italian is replaced with a trip to The Albion to sample the local Artios on offer.  Double house vodka it is then, after the third the smell of paint stripper dies down.  If questioned then why you’re not going to the restaurant, a simple ‘we’re out aren’t we babe’, we can go to a restaurant any time but it’s the Champions league’.  You have no idea if it’s the Champions league or what this even means but you suspect that its just a ploy to keep you quiet.  You order another vodka and finish your game of Candy Crush propped up on a stool.

Saturday nights are taken up with ‘just as important games’ and either coming home at 7:30 pm or going out at 10 pm.  I find leaving the house at 10 pm after a whole bottle of Sauvignon whilst feigning interest in the Spurs match, be wholly detrimental for your night out.  Spurs have lost, and you’re drunk before you’ve even left the flat it’s a loose, loose situation.  Its 2 cocktails and home by midnight after only 2 hours out.

God forbid u go on holiday while FS is still on, suddenly it seems even more important to watch the game while your holidaying in the Algarve just because were ‘lucky enough’ to have it shown over there.

The way to get through this is to amuse yourself, call your girlfriends and have a wild night out while he stays in a dingy pub with his equally sad, equally football mad buddies.  Wear that figure hugging dress when you leave the house and see if that gets his attention.  Chances are it won’t and you will receive more affection from your bottle of Sav.  Just remember ladies its only 9 months out of the year….

Reasons to be Single!

Ok so summers’ drawing to an end but that doesn’t mean that we need to get our boyfriend heads on and start prowling for long term meat!  There is still so much fun to be had as a single gal in the city (or country).  There are some ideals that being single in the summer and having a boyfriend in the winter might just be the perfect combination for the girl about town.  However as the nights are drawing in there are many reasons why it’s just as fun to keep frolicking with your girls and not the boys!

31-Great-Reasons-to-Live-Single-300x199Sending quality time with your girlfriends.  You can hook up with your girlfriends at any time without having to feel guilty that you haven’t spent enough time with your boyfriend.  Cocktails with Amy on a Tuesday night without having to clear it with homeboy first.

Being able to order 241 cocktails. Being able to take advantage of 241 cocktails with your best girl.  Not having to neck 2 while homeboy sits there with a Becks.

Being able to kiss as many boys or girls as you like!  This has got to be the best reason, right?  Kissing numerous boys has got to be the highlight of being single.  The best thing about just kissing is that you don’t have to feel committed afterwards.  You can be like a teenager again and just spend your nights kissing boys with no judgement.  The best thing is, it’s completely safe and you can’t catch anything!  Ok watch out for those pesky cold sores, they’re hard to see in the dark.

Go on a girlie holiday minus the guilt.  Not having to choose between a holiday with your man and a trip to Italy with the girls.  Something all single gals should do at one point in their lives.  It’s like a rite of passage the girls holiday.  An action packed week with 3 of your best girls, that’s points 1,2 and 3 all rolled into one!  And frolic you shall!

Being able to take that promotion in London.  If you’re lucky enough to be given a job opportunity in a different area of the country you don’t have to either turn it down because your boy wont move, or have to think about anyone else’s needs.  You are free to live where you like!

Free to come and go as you please.  You can stay out till 3 am on a Wednesday night and not have to explain your actions to anyone.  Not having to pretend that you only really had 1 bottle of wine, when really it was 3 and you passed out in the toilets for several hours.

Waking up in your clothes with no judgement.  Girlfriends never judge they help you get undressed and don’t shout at you the next day for how drunk you were the night before.  They hold your hair and they get you chips on the way home.

Not having to watch the Grand Prix.  Or football, or golf or have to pretend to be interested in any of those things.  Instead choosing to watch Friends reruns on comedy central.

Wearing whatever you like.  Not having to worry your boyfriend thinks its too slutty.  Hopefully none of you will be told what to wear but sometimes a disapproving look is all it takes

Getting yourself those Choos.  Not having to wait (and wait, and wait) for someone to buy them for you.  You can stop wishing at Christmas and birthdays and just save up and buy them yourself!  Simples!

Playing Taylor Swift. Brittany, Backstreet Boys, Girls Aloud, PSY

Remember, you are not Bridget Jones.  Get your leather wet looks on and get the mojitos in ladies its 241.

Royal Baby Fever

With yet another celebrity having a baby it seems everywhere you turn people are getting pregnant on the celeb scene.  2013 is the year for expectant celebs.  Kim and Kanye, Jordan and Kieran and of course the most prestigious of them all Kate and Wills.  No longer is it about matching heels and Hermes but about whose baby is going to win the style awards at the next toddler tea party.

Since the elusive 50 Shades of Grey… (I know, I know it’s so 2012) the amount of babies born has increased from 723,913 in 2011 to 729,674 in 2012.  Ok granted it’s not a huge amount but I am intrigued as to what the final figures will be for the end of 2013!

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Zara Phillips, Alesha Dixon, Caprice, Frankie Sandford, along with Rochelle Wiseman, Fergie (Black eyed peas, not rubbish Royal) and Halle Berry, to name a few.  It seems there is defiantly a baby boom on the horizon.  I think 50 Shades does have a lot to answer for!  However the book cannot be blamed wholly on this promiscuous turn of events.  In terms of us mere mortals I blame the recession on the number of babies being born.  People are staying home and making their own entertainment.  Swapping cocktails for, well another stiff serving of sorts.  No longer are we splashing out on expensive dinners and chilled Chardonnay.  Instead we have to budget our hard earned cash on M&S meal deals.  Finding other ways to amuse ourselves amidst these hard times is it any wonder so many babies are being born.  What with a sell-out fantasy favourite novel and the price of bread rocketing, we have no choice but to make our own entertainment.  Money is being spent on household entertainment and Ann Summers it would seem.  For instance 4 people in my office on the exact same team are all pregnant all due this year.  This cannot be pure coincidence; it must mean everyone has similar interests in books and likes shopping at M&S.

Up until the last few weeks we can blame the bad weather as a contributing factor to all these women becoming impregnated.  The constant stream of rain and cold for month on end does not make for a great date night.  Soggy stilettos and matted hair, not quite the romantic encounter we had in mind.  People don’t want to get dressed up and go out when there’s a thunderstorm on the horizon.  It keeps couples snuggling up with wine and DVD’s and only the sound of the rain for comfort.

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It seems that although celebs have no idea what a recession is or how much the price of bread is.  Or so we would think, they seem to be taking a leaf out of us mere mortal books and making lots and lots of babies.  It’s like the swinging 60’s all over but without all the pot and tie dye.

Of course these celebs have no idea about silly things like the recession so they must just be plain horny.  The hideous weather, erotic fiction and the ever looming recession hanging over our wallets are all vast contributing factors in this year’s expression of love.  Any babies born in 2013 are literally going to be known as the 50 Shades phenomenon.  My guess is even Wills and Kate have a copy tucked away somewhere….

Zero Kids and Counting…

What do you think of when you think of a 30 year old woman?  Do you envision a young, sexy Cheryl Cole mantra, free, single and in 6 inch heels?  Or married, mortgage a couple of kids?  The truth is there is a very confusing pattern of where you should be at age 30.  When I was 15 and I dutifully filled out my end of year book.  I assumed that at age 30 I would be working in London (as that’s where all the magic happened) with my own house and 4 kids!  I also thought that age 30 was really old and I would be baking, knitting and wearing tweed.  Little did I know that man upstairs had other things in store for me, such as a rental agreement and at 30 something, no kids to speak of.   A little bit of baking here and there but have used Cosmopolitans and luxury holidays as a replacement for knitting and children.

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Many of my girlfriends are choosing not to have children yet as either they want to concentrate on their careers as one reason.  The other is they quite frankly like having their own things not covered in peanut butter and jam.  Also to be able to leave the house to go for a glass of wine at 8pm on a Wednesday.  To be able to lie in on a weekend and spend money on shiny handbags.

I believe that women are having children slightly later in life, not just for their careers but because they want to enjoy nice things, nice holidays and save up for Jimmy Choos instead of new buggies.  The majority of my girlfriends have given themselves a very loose time frame for having children.  The pressures aren’t the same as they used to be when our mothers had us.  The only thing that can push some women into getting pregnant is the fear of her eggs drying up and the choice being taken away from her.

pic-baby-feetAccording to medical science if you are over 29 and are trying to conceive or are pregnant then you are considered an ‘old mother’.  Imagine that; not even hit the next decade of life and your eggs are starting to die on you.  Once you hit 35 your chance are cut in half of conceiving and you can probably spend the next 5 years panicking about that and having as much IVF treatment as ‘Octomom’.

I overheard a girl at work recently who said she is 24 and she is looking into fertility treatment as she was producing too many eggs.  This is a girl who is 24 (and for starters telling the whole break out area about her womb activities) but is actively trying to get pregnant.  I remember being 24 and wondering where my next dress and heels were coming from or if I was going to a club that weekend.  Certainly not fertility treatment and the rate that my eggs are being produced.

Now that makes me feel like an old mother.

How to Survive Christmas with the In-Laws

Like any good girlfriend I try to impress my boyfriend’s family as much as possible.  Helping in the kitchen where need be, not swearing or smoking or drinking too much.  Basically the exact opposite of how I actually live my life!  The festive period is no different.  If anything you have to be on better behaviour as there will be a gaggle of family members all waiting to converse with you.  One or two family members is fine, that you can handle.  In laws mum and dad is doable, its when there are 18 family members, wives, girlfriends, kids, dogs and the dogs kids all waiting to see if you embarrass yourself!

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My biggest fear and always has been is not so much being caught smoking or swearing.  Its having one too many Chardonnays over dinner.  Not having enough carbs with dinner as you ate carbs on Wednesday and then bitterly regretting it.  After a few glasses of fizz and picking at carrot sticks, feeling light-headed  you then proceed to suddenly think it’s a good idea to tell your boyfriends mum how good in the sack he really is!  Getting drunk in front of the In Laws is like getting drunk at your Christmas work do. Mortifying.  You have this glowing report in front of his family, sweet, kind, well spoken and a bit on the shy side, until you neck too many snowballs.  Note to self, stick to a 3 drink maximum throughout the whole evening, gorge on the buffet Barbara has prepared and try not to flirt with his dad too much.  Don’t wear anything too short or tight and run the risk of getting unwanted attention from his uncle or dad (especially after a few advocaats).

Once you have managed to stay sober and grope free you just need to managed the types of conversation which are going to be thrown at you.  Remember your boyfriend isn’t going to be with you the whole evening so you need to know how to hold your own without him holding your hand.  I find that the general topics they will throw at you will be about work and family life.  If you’re in a job you hate, don’t tell them that as they will wonder why you haven’t don’t anything about it.  When asked do you enjoy working for the call centre at age 30?  Politely tell them that while there is a recession on you feel lucky to even have a job at all and that you are pleased to contributing to society in these tough economic climes.

When you swap gifts and you are presented with a size 16 dressing gown from M&S, smile politely and tell her that you may be able to fit into this after Christmas.  Remind yourself to not get her another bottle of Chanel.

One topic of conversation which will defiantly get thrown at you (especially if your boyfriend is off talking to his weird cousins), is the subject of marriage and babies.  This is dependent on how long the two of you have been together and weather you have been drinking too much earlier in the evening or not.  When approached with ‘so you’ve been together a few years now any plans to have children or get married?’  It’s like the dreaded question when neither of you are planning anything like that!  You can never give them the answer that they want to hear.  Yes we are planning on having a baby in around 6-8 months and to have a wedding before that so as we don’t have a bastard child.  What you really want to say is, F-off were happy as we are thank you and there is more to life than soiled underwear and having your make up tipped into your Mulberry bag.  Giving up your independence for the next 18 years is not something you would generally like to plan and if you wanted to do it then you would have done it by now.  But instead you tell them it’s something you’ve talked about but you’re not planning anything just yet.  You then have that conversation with your boyfriend a few weeks later and ask why after 4 years of being together there’s not even been a mention of a ring.

With all this under your belt his family will be putty in your hands.  With any luck they will love you as much as he does (some more than others!).  Just remember to stay sober, eat the food provided and smile sweetly at the stories which are being told!  No smoking, heavy drinking, shouting or falling down! Behave like a lady at all times and things should go smoothly and save the scrapping for New Years.

Image reproduced from guardian.co.uk

What Makes Some Women Marry So Quickly?

With yet another marriage under her belt, Katie Price proves to us that she is a woman with little or no morals when it comes to getting married.  Marrying former stripper Kieran Hayler after only 2 months of knowing him is proving to be the norm for ‘The Pricey’.  Nothing pricey about marrying someone after 8 weeks of knowing them.  With Alex Reid married and divorced in under a year and Peter Andre under her belt, if I was Kieran I would be worried this may not be the true love story he is after.  She is the modern day Joan Collins except cheaper, tackier and cheaper again.

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Katie is just another celebrity in a long line of celebs who decide that marrying and divorcing in under a year is suddenly the thing to do.  She’s not the only one who is at it, let’s all take a little look at the ridiculous life of Kim Kardashian and her 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries.  We were led to believe that he was her true soul mate and the KKK Klan was going to spout wings in the shape of teeny tiny Kids.  Instead, after spending an eye watering £13 million pounds on her wedding she still decides that throwing in the towel after 72 days is completely justified.  Go Kim.

These ridiculous pointless celebrities can almost justify their actions as they have an abundance of cash and can throw it at as many weddings and divorces as they see fit.  Reason being is that they do not have to save like us mere mortals.  We all hope that we only get married once in our lifetimes, partly because we can’t fork out for it second, third and fourth time around!  It seems to becoming a bit of a trend at the moment.  I can see more and more of my girlfriends getting hitched or at the very least getting engaged in under a year.  Has this become the norm within my social clique?  No longer do these women want to wait for a few years to be sure that these guys are defiantly the one.  It’s a proposal in under a year otherwise they are pushing for one.  I have been with my boyfriend for coming up to 5 years and although I can safely say marriage does cross my mind, it’s not the only thing on my mind.  I’d love a huge rock and a great big pudding dress and have everyone look at me for the day but quite frankly I have better things I would rather spend my money on (like Jimmy Choos).

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Lots of people I know ask me why me and my boyfriend aren’t married or at least engaged yet; clearly being 30 odd is no spring chicken anymore and if I don’t marry now then I’ve missed the wedding boat apparently!  I am perplexed with questions like ‘Don’t you want to get married then?’ when sat with other married couples.  As if not becoming one with my partner is not good enough for some people.  I would like to remind these married couples that the statistics of first marriages are that 50% of them end in divorce first time round.  That figure goes up to 66% second time round, and if you think that third time is a charm, I’m afraid that 75% of you are heading for the divorce courts.

I’m all for marriage and it should be a joyous occasion for everyone involved.  A time to show the world how much you love each other, not something to be had after a few months of dating because you feel like it (Jordan), or because you think this is what you should be doing.  Take your time ladies make him work for it.  Everyone knows the honeymoon period wears off after a year anyway; just don’t let that last longer than your marriage.

How Far Would You Go For The One You Love?

How far is too far?  Is there such a thing?  It’s one thing following your man to the pub when he wants to watch football and you want to be seen as the ‘supportive girlfriend’.  It’s another thing perhaps when he wants you to follow him to the other ends of the earth.  To another country for work, for a year or maybe longer.  He’s been offered a job in south East Asia, his company will pay for him and you to leave and start a new life there.  It’s his dream job, its great money and you will get a nice apartment to live in.  The perfect set up, so what’s stopping you?

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Your job for one, you have a job that you love and you have spent the last 3 years trying to build up a sound career for the company you work for.  All your friends and family of course are here.  You see your mum every week for a catch up.  Aunties, uncles and cousins all within driving distance and those impromptu Saturdays with the girls will seem like a distance memory.  You won’t know the language and will spend the majority of your days pointing at things and talking very loudly into your dim sum.  What happens if you can’t find a job for months?  No job and having to make new friends as an adult is always going to be difficult if not detrimental to your self-esteem (especially if you’re not working).  How do you make friends when you’re on the other side of the world with possibly no job for a good few months?  You make friends with his friends wives and become ‘that’ girl for a while until you find your feet.

So is swapping Sambuca for Saki as scary as it sounds?

There are so many plus points of living abroad (especially if your airfare is paid for).  You get to experience a completely different way of life.  People will be interested in you as a foreigner and will take an interest in your accent and your mannerisms.  It’s always a good talking point as a newbie.  You get to learn a new language as you go.  Most people say that living in a country for 3 months you pick up the basics in that time.  Your boyfriend will be forever in debt to you.  ‘What do you mean I can’t have those earrings?’  ‘I moved to Asia for you!’  You could only have some fun with this for so many months though I’d imagine.

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You get to stay with the one that you love and you don’t have to go through the wretched turmoil that is long distances break up.  (Eventually a break up is inevitable for most I’m afraid if you become long distance lovers).  You always get to come back to your home town whenever the airfare will allow it.  There’s the wonders of Skype now which is a really good substitute when contacting the girls and family.  Finding out about a whole other part of the world and being privileged enough to live there.  Not many people get given an opportunity to move to another country and start a fresh.  You can draw a clean slate where nobody knows you.  Plus your friends get a free hotel for a few weeks when they come to visit.

I’m always secretly hoping that my boyfriend gets offered a job to other than Hull one of these days.

Do you do it purely for the one you love though?  The answer to that is always going to be down to the couple themselves.  What may work for one won’t work for another and hey there’s always Skype?!

Personally I would like to think I would relish the chance to move to another place if my partner was shipped over somewhere else.  Even if it was Hull, now that’s love for you.

Is There Such a Thing as Love at First Sight?

Can you really fall in love with someone as soon as you meet them?  Or do people all too often confuse love with lust?

We regularly make up our mind within 3 minutes of meeting someone to see if that person is suited to us and if we are attracted to them.  But it takes a mere one second to decide if this person is physically attractive to us or not.  Hair, face, clothes, height, shoes.

Young couple drinking wine and flirtingYou can like someone an awful lot when you meet them.  You can instantly feel attracted to someone, by the way they look or a look they give you.  A certain smell can get your juices flowing and it can make you want to do lurid things to that person right there and then.  Meeting someone and have everything in common with them too.  Does this mean that you are in love with them?  No it certainly does not, it just means you’ve got very lucky and met someone with the same interests as you.  You’ve met someone with brains and beauty who you would like to bed immediately, this does not correlate to being in love with someone.  Outside of giving birth to your child, the mere notion of falling in love with someone as soon as you meet them is a concept which has always fascinated and astounded me.

I have had a number of boyfriends; I haven’t been in love with all of them.  I have felt an attraction to all of them and have either fancied or lusted after them shortly after meeting them all.  Not once however did I realise that after looking into their eyes did I decide that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.  Nor did I realise that after 10 minutes of their scintillation conversation about the latest Matt Damon movie or, the latest venture on YouTube did I realise that my life would never be complete without them.  After 10 minutes I would sometimes be wondering why I hadn’t been offered a drink; but never wondered why I hadn’t been offered a hand in marriage.  If this was the case I would have so far spend a large proportion of my adult life disappointed (sigh).

I have been left wondering how some people can claim that they have conjured up feelings of actual love after a meeting their mate after such a brief encounter.  I blame childhood fairy-tales and the Cinderella stories of our childhood.  It’s the feelings of wanting and desire that some people instantly feel on a first date or meeting.   Some people know that as soon as they have met this person they know they are going to marry them.  I however have never encountered such ‘luck’.

For me love is something which needs to be a gradual process of emotions and feeling about someone and something which has to be felt deep inside you once you actually know the person.  Not something which can be felt on the spot as soon as you meet them.    Those butterfly feelings you get in your stomach and anywhere else you may feel this is a sexually attractive spark which can make you feel giddy with pleasure.  It’s not love.  How can you love someone that you know nothing about?  Ok so you know he likes Opera and is a vegetarian like you too.  Brilliant.  Hitler also enjoyed Opera and vegetarianism; does it mean you would have loved him too?  No it does not.

The feelings of lust are very similar to that of being in love, it’s warm and fuzzy and it makes you do crazy things for that person.  Being in love is such a wonderful feeling, it makes you feel like the two of you are in your own bubble and as long as you are together then nothing can get through you or tear you apart.  It makes you feel like a stronger person, knowing that as long as you have that person by your side you can achieve anything.  Being in love allows you to share everything with that person.  Now how can anyone feel that after a rum and coke and a meet and greet?  Either that or I am a crazy cynic who’s never been that lucky!

Secrets and Lies

liesIs it ever ok to lie to your partner?

Ok so great big lies are never ok right?  But what if it is to save a relationship?  Let’s take the obvious one, if you have cheated and you’re in two minds about what to do.  Do you tell your partner and be honest or do you keep quiet and hope the les goes away?  This can depend on how bad the cheating really is.  Revealing a little kiss to your partner could be more trouble than it’s worth perhaps.  You were drunk, it was dark, it was over quickly and if you think back really hard it almost could not have happened.

Telling the truth can be detrimental to your relationship and could quite easily end up in a messy break up.  There’s the issue of trust, it can take months or years to build up again after a cheating scandal.  Now going further than a kiss, that’s a different story altogether.  If you don’t tell your partner then they are none the wiser and you can carry on with your relationship as normal.  Well except the fact that if you are a decent human being then deep down then you have to face the rest of your days wracked with guilt and dodging bars where you think your latest sleaze may be lurking.

Or do you tell all, do the right thing; get it over with and give your partner the respect they deserve.  Face your fear and reveal all to them because honesty really is the best policy.  Expect things to be thrown at you, possibly an angry break up to be had, followed by suddenly wishing that you had just kept quiet and lived with the guilt all along.

What about little lies you all tell to your partner (come on you know you do).  The ones about how delicious the dinner is they have slaved over.  Especially if they never cook, it is especially important to break out the white lie in this instance.  Telling the truth could lead to crushing confidence and them never attempting to cook for you again.  Chow it down and then next time they cook offer friendly tips, like stirring and seasoning next time.

‘No I didn’t drink that much babe honestly.’  What’s the point in telling him you had 3 bottles of wine in town last night?  He will only worry and imagine all sorts his head.  He knows how you get after a few wines when he’s with you, (loud and obnoxious mostly) Let alone when he’s not there, referring to the first reference is what he’s really thinking.

What about gifts that have come from the heart (and you wishing they had stayed there) ‘Oh darling I love this dress/top/shoes they’re so retro and Amish.’  I think in this instance it’s a judgement call.  It’s ok to lie once or twice to spare feelings.  Wear it Christmas day and then flog it on EBay a few months later.  However if this is a repeat offence then it’s time to step up and be a man.  Tell him you don’t like floral harem pants or clunky space heels, that it’s just not your style.  Yes he will be upset to start with perhaps, but it’s for the greater good.  If this behaviour still continues then ask for vouchers and repay him with something from the Bear Factory.

Based on the evidence I believe it can be OK in some circumstances to lie to your partner to spare feelings or to save an unnecessary argument.  If you know he’s going to kick off because you spent the housekeeping money on shoes, then slipping the money back next month doesn’t need to hurt anyone.  Eating his dodgy chili con carne is ok to do because you love him and you want him to cook sometimes.  However going to bed with another person, show you’ve got real problems.  So telling the truth and breaking up is probably the best thing to do all round.

Just make sure you duck when you see the space heels.

How Old is Too Old?

When I think of people in relationships that I know, then most people dating or married are both of a similar age.  This is normally because people either meet in bars where alike aged people go, through friends who are normally of similar age.  There’s not normally more than a 7 or 8 year age gap at the most.  However for some people then being with an older partner is an attraction.  Especially for some women.  This is mainly due to the older the man is, the more likely he will be to wanting to settle down or have children.  He’s sown his oats and slept with every barmaid this side of Margate.  For some women a 20 year age gap can be attractive.  He’s matured, not interested in getting absolutely spannered on a Friday and Saturday night, gawping at the locals in white stiletto’s and faces that will rival that of a pumpkins.  He prefers to stay home with good wine and cheese I expect.  This may be all well and good if you are looking for a more mature man who knows a Chablis from a Sauvignon.  Wine and cheese man is the man for you.

 

But what happens when you want to settle down and stop gawping at the local Lyle and Scott shirt and shoes combo?  You’ve hit 30 and you want babies, but you can’t because wine and cheese man is pushing 50 and would rather swap ovulating with ovaltine.  What about the 20 years after that and the kids (if any) have left home and you can look forward to slowing down a bit and maybe start to enjoy fine cheeses.  Then he is 70 and well he is enjoying his meals through a straw and couldn’t care less what wine you got as long as he was able to drink it unaided.

So far I’ve only mentioned a 20 year age gap, what about the couples (and there are some out there) who opt for partners who are 30 years their senior.   Personally I believe that there is always going to be a struggle with each other’s interests and similar tastes, when there is such a big age gap.  One of you is reminiscing about Toady from Home and Away and the other one is remembering Dallas (first time round).  Music tastes differ, while your still clinging on to your garage and dancehall albums, he’s doing his dad routine to Ray Charles.

People have all sorts of reasons for wanting to date older men or women.  I think when the situation is reversed an older woman and a younger man, society tends to view this as something fun and playful.  A 40 something woman with a 20 something year old man is seen a bit cheeky and a bit trendy.  It’s not something that is supposed to last and supposed to be anything long term.  Normally the woman has children of her own (possibly about the same age).  Also with the woman being that much older, most men (I use the term loosely) are immature at 20, so how far could it ever really go.  I remember being 20 and not even wanting to date 20 year olds.  When I think of 20 year old boys no matter how good looking some of them may be, they just remind me of my brother, who 21 going on 12.  The thought of dating someone that age does not entertain me in the slightest, the toilet humour and the prospect of jagerbombs to entice me.  However what with men peaking at 19 and women peaking in their 30s and 40’s is it any wonder people of similar age stay together!

Turn the tables around and he is either a pervert or very rich (so society says).  Men using women for fun at that age and it is frowned upon.  Women using men for fun is empowering.

I just personally think that if you are going to date someone who is much older than you need to be prepared for what may lie ahead.  Sure it’s fun to start with and age is just a number, but it’s when things get serious and there are children wanting to be involved.  Age becomes much more than a big number and more of a very big inconvenience.  Just make sure you know your Stilton from your Single Gloucester.

When It’s Time To Say Goodbye

OK so you have been together for a while, a few years perhaps and maybe you even live together.  Which will certainly make this harder than it needs to be.  The way you behave around each other isn’t what it once was.  Gone are the days of sipping Chardonnay in a posh cocktail bar.  It’s more of a case of hanging out in your pj’s on a Saturday and arguing about who has control of the remote.  Day to day living consists of pleasing yourself rather than pleasing your partner.  The mere notion of making the teas on a Sunday astounds you, seeing as ‘he never makes them for me’.  There used to be a time when you couldn’t do enough for each other.  Little notes by the bed, offering to make his favourite dinner, he’d be your personal chauffeur on a night out just so he could spend some time with you.  Simple pleasures like spending the day in the park together would be the happiest times.  Snuggling up to watch a film on a Saturday would be your idea of heaven, a few candles and a bottle of fizz to while the evening away.

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Fast forward 3 years and simply being together is not enough anymore.  You argue over the most mundane duties.  You wake up and go to bed at separate times.  When it comes to backing each other’s corner you find yourself going against each other instead of sticking up for each other.  Although you are couple in the literal sense, you couldn’t be further apart if you tried.  Your mere entities living together in a house filled with nothingness.

So what keeps us holding on for so long in these dismal relationships?!  Is the mere notion of being single and back on the market that stressful that you would rather spend your days with someone you don’t even really like anymore?  Do we think that we have failed by walking away?  The real failure is hanging onto something when its already slipped through your fingers.  As this is what it comes down to, you can still love someone but not like them very much in the end.  Love them but not be in love with them.  Clinging onto to these negative relationships because we are scared of being alone, we cling onto them because we think that the relationship will change.  OK sometimes it does (but for how long does that ever last) and on the occasions that it doesn’t then you need to know when it’s time to say goodbye.

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It’s time to say goodbye when you’re having more fun with other people and not each other.  When you realise that he’s never going to take your side in an argument.  When you realise that you’re not a team anymore, you just happen to be on the same side.  It’s time to say goodbye, when he tries to change you.  Or the simple fact that since you have been together you have changed so much that people don’t even recognise you anymore. (OK that’s another article altogether!).  If your favourite time of day isn’t when your man walks through the door then it’s time to close the door on the relationship!  Yes every couple argues and goes through dodgy patches, but when it’s more often than not then please for the love of god move on!  Life is too short to stay with someone when you’re only half into it.  Cut the cord, break the mould and find a new model.  You will be stronger for it.

There’s a whole world of wonderful beings out there ready to date you and treat you like a princess, I’m sure of it….

Is it Ever OK to Get Back With an Ex?

We’ve all been there, the love of our lives (or so we think) has trampled over our hearts and shattered our illusions of love.  Everything was going so smoothly until he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship!  You’re left crying into your cosmo wondering what it is you said or did wrong.  But 2 weeks later he’s begging for forgiveness and a free pass to your La Perla twin set.  It’s as if they know as soon as you start to get over them, then that’s their que to call.

But the question is, should you ever take an ex back?  Remember they are an ex for a reason.  If they dumped you then it should really be a flat out no!  But life is never that simple.  There are lots of reasons that getting back with an ex seems like the right thing to do.

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You do love him for sure, of course you do.  You want to stop the searing pain that you’re feeling right now, and lying in his arms is the only way to do this.  He knows all your weird and kooky ways.  He’s the only one who knows that you secretly like to watch scrapheap challenge in your onesie.  Its comfortable and its easy, you don’t have to try with an ex.  He knows what you like and you complement each other in the bedroom.  He’s sorry and he’s going to change and you are the only one for him.  Everyone can change right?  And everyone deserves a second chance right?  Wrong.

However as dreamy as this may sound (and it does sound dreamy), remember why you broke up in the first place.  If somebody needs to be reminded that they are in love you, or they need time away from you to realise that they love you.  Then they don’t love you.  They’ve just realised that the grass is not greener, juicer or more bootylicious on the other side.  Its dark and full of traffic light nights in the local.  Getting back with an ex can be fun in the short term.  You have forgiven him and the two of you are like newlyweds again.  Its like the first dates without the nerves and the ‘will we wont we’ anticipation.  However this can be detrimental in the long term.  Wondering if and when he is going to do this again is the biggest worry.  If he suddenly gets cold feet again and after 6 months you’re back in the same position pouring over the same cosmopolitan wondering where you went wrong.

If however you decide to give him a second chance then remember he should get one last chance and one last chance only.  Reasons depending but personally I believe that its only worth getting back with an ex if you’re going to marry them, ideally he should have a ring ready (but that’s another article).  Otherwise there’s always room for another sharp exit perhaps….

If you are unfortunate enough to break up more than once then remember it gives him the green light to do this again as he knows that after a bit of begging and a bit of grovelling he knows that you will always take him back!

Have some respect ladies in the words of Taylor Swift, ‘We are never, ever, getting back together!’